The steps of recovery from an abusive marriage to a caring marriage

D I R E C T I O N

D-Detach

I –Individuate

R- Reach out

E- Equalize

C-Calm

T-Trust others

I-Intend consciously to connect to others, make the choice

O-open up to others

N-Nosei B’ol- taking responsibility for another person

1-you can’t get anywhere else if you don’t leave where you are. You may have already technically separated or divorced, but you have to emotionally detach too. Find ways to leave your emotional relationship. Be involved with your ex-spouse as least as possible even if the kids will suffer. You need to build yourself first and foremost. It’s for them too.

2-individuate-the asei tov is to develop your own personality

3-A healthy human being wants to reach out to relate to others, as long as they feel safety to do so.

4 –as you relate to others, you will finally be able to feel socially normal again, equal and rejoin the human empathetic race.

5-this rejoining with normal people brings a feeling of calm that is worth holding onto. Stay with this stage or some time. Treat yourself to feeling calm. Savor it.

6- Trust is easiest to lose and hardest to regain. Take really small but real steps to trust anything-even a tree, a house pet, a rock, a wind, or a star in outer space. Trusting people is difficult for you. Even trusting yourself.

7-be proactive. Make the choice that you will take steps to risk trusting.

8-now try trusting other people. Again take baby steps. It can be scary.

9-the real proof that you can be stably remarried is when you feel ready and choose on your own to care and take responsibility to care for another person. If you are true to yourself, you can feel confident that you can sense if another person is truly caring about you too.

You’ve gotten all the way .congratulations!