I recently overheard some pre-school age girls having a conversation about the current media.

"My favorite princess is Cinderella."

"I like her too, but I hate Princess Jasmine because she shows her belly button and that's disgusting!"

The therapist in me felt like a lion unleashed, needing to intervene. "Really? Belly buttons are disgusting? I think belly buttons are soooo cute! I just think that they are too cute to be shown all the time."

The 5 year-old paused and thought. "Yeah, belly buttons are cute. But she really shouldn't be walking around showing it."

"That's right. Her belly button belongs to her and she should keep it private."

When teaching about modesty and boundaries, we must be extremely mindful not to give off the impression that our bodies are covered because it is something negative. The reason a person covers up is because his or her body is a most prized possession. Just like a person hides bank statements, or keeps jewelry in a box in a closet, so too, his or her body is something precious that warrants protecting.

One way to empower our children is to teach them proper boundaries. This can be started at a very young age. A parent can tickle an 18-month old, and then stop. Once the baby stops laughing, the parent should ask, "More?" And then, and this part is key, the parent should respect what the child answered. This is an early lesson that teaches, "I alone have control of what is done to my body."

As a child grows, the lessons grow as well.

At a child's annual check-up, it is important for either the parent or the doctor to tell the child that the only reason the doctor is allowed to see the child's private areas is because the doctor needs to make sure that the child is healthy and growing. And the doctor is allowed to check only when the child's parent is in the room.

As kids start telling secrets to each other, parents should tell the children, "You are allowed to keep a secret as long as it is tzniusdik and not dangerous."

When a parent is assisting a 6 year-old in the bathroom, it is good to remind the child that the only reason that the parent is there is because he or she needs help. And then reiterate how the child's body belongs to the child, and that it is so nice and special.

As a child grows to elementary age, the lessons given become very uncomfortable for many parents to impart. It is quite distressing being aware of the dangers that are out there for our children. But more than distressing, it is harmful to not empower our children with the tools to protect themselves.

Predators don't want to get caught, so they are less likely to abuse a child who has strong boundaries. Most of the time, the predator is someone whom the child knows. And something that is unpleasant to realize is that often, even though the child is uncomfortable and victimized, the child receives some enjoyment. Either the child likes the attention, or the child may even have physical pleasure from the abuse. So there are strong feelings of guilt from the victim's perspective. And if the perpetrator is really good at what he or she does, the perpetrator will trick the child into thinking that the child started it or asked for it. Therefore, while it is nauseating to even think about, parents must mold their children into strong kids who are not easy victims.

A child should be able to answer the following questions:

"Is anybody allowed to touch your private parts?"

"Is anybody allowed to show you theirs?"

"What should you do if that happens?"

"Would it be your fault?"

"What if it feels nice? Is it ok?"

"Whom should you tell? Is it Lashon Hara to tell?"

"What if the person tells you that you will get in trouble if you tell? Is that true?"

"What if the person tells you that no one will believe you? Is that true?"

If, G-d forbid, your child does come to you with information, the best thing is to react in a way that shows that you trust your child, believe your child, do not fault or blame your child, will not punish your child and want to protect your child. Once you have shown these feelings to your child, you can proceed to find out more information. Therapy for the whole family is often necessary after an incident.

A child whose parents give over the proper messages is a child who is proud of his or her body knows that it is a gift to him or herself. That is a child whose strength will spill over into other areas of life. And a confident, proud child is more likely to engage in healthy relationships in the future.