Having it all - Parshat Vayishlach

Do you have it all? Can one ever have it all? How would you know if you did?

In this week's parsha, Parshat Vayishlach, we find two different attitudes towards this very question. Yaakov sends Esav a gift to win his favor. When they meet, Esav says "I have much - brother, keep your gift." Yaakov replies, no, please take it for "I have it all."1 Is this just a semantic difference or is there something that reflects underlying attitudes?

The commentators point out that there is a major difference between how Yaakov and Esav portray their wealth.

According to the Netziv (19th century commentary), Esav tried to convince Yaakov that Yaakov himself needed this gift as much as he, Esav, did, and therefore Yaakov should not part with it. In essence, Esav, in trying to show that he cares for Yaakov, is telling Yaakov not to part with this gift. You can never have too much money. There is no limit as to how much to accumulate. The disadvantage in that point of view is that he is always wanting. He can never be happy with his lot in life for there is always more.

Yaakov's answer then expressed a different world view of wealth – "I have it all". Whether I own 200 or 400 donkeys makes little difference to me. I have what I have and that is all I need. I can be happy with what I own even after parting with the enormous gift he sent to Esav. Yaakov has made a decision to accept what he has.

For all we know, Yaakov and Esav had similar amounts of wealth. But their attitudes towards what they owned varied greatly.

Our attitude towards what we experience and even towards what we own determines how we feel about it and how we use it. These choices of attitude give meaning to our lives and help us navigate our challenges in a healthier manner. Whether we can be happy with what we have does not depend at all on how much we have. It depends on us and whether we are willing to accept that this is our present lot in life and that this is the starting point for the remainder of my path in life.2 It is up to us to make that determination for ourselves.

This does not mean to stop working, to stop making goals or to halt any income-producing activity. Nor is it to negate feelings of pain, loss and bewilderment at our not being where we wish to be or where we thought we'd be. Rather that the attitude that we take towards our possessions and the challenges we face helps us put things into perspective. We can be satisfied with what we have.

In Ethics of the Fathers we read: Who is the rich one? The one who is happy with his lot.3

With the right attitude, in almost any situation, we can, like Yaakov, truly have it all.

  1. Bereishit 33:9, 11
  2. Viktor Frankl, founder of logotherapy, discusses attitudinal values, together with experiential and creative values as a pathway towards meaning in our lives
  3. Ethics of the Fathers 4:1

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