Alone in Suffering? – Parshat Reeh

One of the most unusual side effects of going through any kind of emotional distress is the sense that others don’t understand what you're going through and the ensuing sense of loneliness. That sense of loneliness is very profound and can often be even greater than the original distress itself.

This concept is noted in this week's parsha, Parshat Reeh. After discussing different kinds of crimes and their punishments, the Torah suddenly speaks about being Children of God.1 This seeming non-sequitur is addressed by the 16th century Italian sage, Seforno. Mourning for a lost relative can be painful, Seforno says. The loss, sadness, anger and pain add up for the mourner. So, God says to them, you are not alone. You are my children. You will not be deserted. This doesn’t change the reality of the loss. The loss is still very real and painful. It does, however, offer some comfort and ease the pain of the loss. Just having someone there can help.

There are, for instance, different customs in Judaism for the official blessing given to the mourner upon leaving the mourner's presence. One custom offers a blessing that comfort should come from the heavens, similar to the verse we quoted above. A different custom is to pray that God should comfort the mourner amongst other mourners.2 On the one hand, it too is similar to the aforementioned verse. Comfort comes from above. Yet it also adds an additional dimension. There are other mourners out there – you are not the only one. Others will be there for you as well.

Often there are no other words for helping someone in pain other than "I am here with you." A hug or other forms of touching or communicating the same can also be helpful.

Many people try to placate those in pain by offering words such as – "don’t worry", " I know what you must be feeling," or "you'll get over it". They may be well meaning but they are missing the point.

If you are the sufferer, others are with you. Some may even be in pain as you are over what is happening. They may not understand the pain you feel. But they are willing to be with you. You are not alone.3

If you would like to help someone in distress, sometimes just being there and listening to the pain, the hard questions and being "okay" with not being able to provide any answers may be enough to show that you care and will not desert them in this difficult time.4 The next step will differ from person to person. It will show itself. Be patient with the sufferer – and with yourself. Do not expect to have all the answers. Just be there. That can often be enough.

Click here for another logoParsha article on Parshat Reeh (Happyize to be Happyized)

Notes

  1. Devarim 14:1
  2. Hebrew prayerbook
  3. Note the famous 'Footprints in the Sand' parable. The powerful message of this work has been recognized worldwide. Know that God is there with you. The authorship of this work, as of this writing, is still being disputed.
  4. Part of our personal meaning in life is being present for others. Our existence is not only for our own good but for the greater good as well. This is a basic concept in the logotherapy put forth by Dr. Viktor Frankl in his landmark work, 'Man's Search for Meaning'.

 

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