Am I in Control - Really? – Parshat Miketz

I am not where I expected to be tonight.1 It's not that I had any special plans - just a regular Thursday night. But I certainly had no thought of being here, in a cardiac convalescence center, as a patient (I almost wrote inmate). If I had an array of possibilities from which to choose, and this was one of the possibilities, I would not have guessed 10 days ago that this would be the path I would be on.

I find myself with a different appreciation of Yosef. Yosef, who had dreams of greatness earlier in his life did not expect to bounce around from serving one lord to serving another in order to get there. Indeed he could not have dreamt after he was sold to slavery by his brothers that he also would be framed by his lord's wife. In all, it took about 13 years from the time he was sold by his brothers till his sudden, meteoric rise to greatness.2 How long will this path take? When will his dreams finally come true? Yet here he was at the pinnacle of his greatness almost exactly as he had dreamed it.

My dreams are not Joseph's dreams. They are Allan's(or Avraham's). They have been temporarily derailed. I am on a detour. This detour may yet lead me to different directions. I don’t know yet. But, and here is my revelation, I am willing to give up on trying to fully control it. Rather I am being led. I am being led on a path to a place called "I don’t know."­ The revelation started when I was laying on the stretcher in the ambulance and the paramedics were trying to figure out which emergency room was available and I was cheering for one emergency room over the other when a third option opened up  and I said  "Ok, God  - I got it now. I'm in your hands. Just please send good and proper messengers." And He did. Thankfully.

This surrender to what is happening was described by psychiatrist Dr. Viktor Frankl. In his books on logotherapy, including the most famous of them, Man's Search for Meaning, he discusses this sense of surrender to/acceptance of our fate. Fate is what happens to us and is often beyond our control. Surrendering means acceptance of the new situation. That doesn’t turn us into victims of our fate. On the contrary, it challenges us to find that strength within to move forward with our new fate. It challenges us to build a new future taking into account the new variables. I still have the strengths I had before plus whatever I've gained from this experience. After all, we are not necessarily in control of what happens to us, but we do control our attitude towards what happens. So another name for this new place for me can also be "Allan's place."

People have asked me: "What will you do with your second chance?" I am just learning what the second chance is offering me. I am starting to explore the new handicaps together with the new options afforded to me by this recent trauma (a trauma on the physical, psychological, and emotional levels as well as on the human, noetic level). So I don’t have an answer yet.

But I do know that I am better prepared for the journey.

Notes

  1. I am going to be sharing a bit more of myself than I usually do. My gratitude to the readers for allowing me this forum for sharing. It was just a mild heart attack and I am feeling better and continuing with the convalescence/rehab. I can resume work in a week
  2. Bereishit, chapters 37-41, speak of Yosef's story from being sold to when he was crowned viceroy

 

Refuah sheleima to all the new friends I've made who are convalescing with me.

 

Have A Great Shabbat!laughing

For More Information On Logotherapy And How You Can Create A Fuller, More Meaningful Life, Or To Book An Online Session,

  1. Call Me At +972-54-589-3399, or in Israel 054-5893399
  2. Contact Me Thru my email at [email protected]