Do we Really Need to Control our Anger? Parshat Mattos-Masei

One of the most talked about attributes that we have as humans is that of anger. It is usually presented in a negative light. It is something we need to manage. Courts have sent people to anger management workshops. There was even a movie and afterwards a TV series called Anger Management. It is human to be angry. It is part of human nature. So what is so bad about it? Is it so bad? Can there be instances where it is important?

This week's parsha, Parshat Mattos-Masei, tells of Moshe losing his cool. He was addressing the army officers who had just returned from a successful military campaign and though they won, he got angry at them for not following all of the orders.1 He was convinced in the rightness of his message. Yet shortly thereafter, the next commandment given to the people of Israel was transmitted through Elazar, the high priest, and not, as was customary, through Moshe. Rashi explains that because Moshe had gotten angry, the next set of laws he was to transmit were hidden from him.2 This was not the first time this happened to Moshe and each previous time that he got angry there were also negative consequences - the most noteworthy was when he hit the rock to bring forth water  instead of speaking to it.3 Each time he may have been right in being angry and expressing it. But each time there were also consequences - negative consequences. So maybe it was wrong.

Where is the line? Maybe it is okay to get angry as long as I am willing to pay the price. Is that the person I wish to be? Is it not important to be angry at seeing evil? Seeing waste? Seeing corruption? This can get very confusing.

Anger, like all other emotions, is a sign. It is a sign that something is important to us. This thing is so important that we are emotionally invested in it. So the first question will be - is it really worth getting angry about? Let us take the two extremes. For instance, has someone insulted my favorite sports team? Or has someone committed genocide? Would or should these two instances create the same level of anger in us? I believe that it is obvious that the difference between these two instances is glaring. And clear.

True there are many grey areas. But this is where it starts.

And then? If it is important - what happens then? Then we need to make a decision. How do we act? What response do we give? Is there an easy formula? What price will I have to pay?

Throughout the generations many have discussed anger - starting from Koheles (Ecclesiastes) through the sages of the Gemara, Maimonides and Rabbeinu Yonah and until our day - mostly pointing out its negative attributes. Yet, to complicate the issue again, there are times when the halacha requires us to show anger.

Some of us show anger more than others. Is there a right way? Psychologists have done studies trying to understand how anger impacts on our physical and emotional health. The APA has written, "Anger can be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems. But excessive anger can cause problems."4

Where does this leave us? It is a start in understanding anger and its role - to recognize anger and listen to its message. Let us listen to our anger and, if nothing else, let us control it and its consequences instead of it controlling us.

Notes

  1. Bamidbar 31:14
  2. ibid. v. 21
  3. ibid. 20:11-12
  4. http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/

Have A Great Shabbat!laughing

For More Information On Logotherapy And How You Can Create A Fuller, More Meaningful Life, Or To Book An Online Session,

  1. Call Me At +972-54-589-3399, or in Israel 054-5893399
  2. Contact Me Thru my email at [email protected]