Force the Issue – Parshat Devarim

We all have dreams. I am not talking about the nighttime variety, rather, the dreams and fantasies of how life could be. We dream, we plan, we organize ourselves based on our experience, our knowledge of how things work and how we wish them to be. Do our dreams always work out? No. Not always. When they do it's great and we celebrate that event. What do we do, though, if they don’t? Do we give up? Possibly try again? Break through the obstacles? How do we decide?

This week's parsha retells the story of the 'Ma'pilim'. After the Israelites were told that they would sojourn in the desert for 40 years for having accepted the narration of the 10 spies over the narration of Calev and Yehoshua, arose a group of Israelites, the Ma'pilim, and, deciding to take matters into their own hands, tried to enter the Land of Israel on their own. They understood that they had erred in believing the negative account of the spies and said, "we've sinned before God." Yet they were beaten down in the ensuing battle.1 The Netziv offers a fascinating and original description of events.2 He explains that their repentance was in fact accepted. That, however, was not enough to change the decree that they were not to enter the Land of Israel. They did so without God's blessing and were thoroughly thrashed. That decree still stood. They may have done penance but, adds the Netziv, that was not enough and they could not enter the land. It was a case of being too late.

They forced the issue. Moshe had warned them not to go and that they would not be successful. They viewed this, however, as a test of their resolve, says Rabbi Tzadok HaCohen, not as a divine prohibition. But, continues Reb Tzadok, they misjudged the timing of their actions. Their intention was noble. But they didn’t read the situation correctly. It was now too late to 'fix' the situation. 

How do we know when the time is right? When is it time to regroup and try again and when to abandon the plan and change course? This is one of the hardest questions to gauge. When, as parents, is it considered too much interference or the perfect amount of caring? When, as spouses, do we learn to show trust and caring and when is it time to assert ourselves in the relationship? When, as leaders at work, do we expect more from our staff and when do we get the message that they’ve reached their limit? After all, we all want to succeed.

We don’t always know.

We try to listen to hints and make the best decision possible. There is always one right answer.4 We try to listen for it, guess it and even meditate to discover it. Sometimes we gauge right. Sometimes not. And then we try to learn…hopefully. And try again. Or don’t. Or try a different approach. This ambivalence is natural, human and healthy…as long as we don’t get stuck in a loop trying to make the "right" decision.

There comes a time when we just surrender to whatever will be and then we do our best – whether in trying yet again perhaps with a different method or in cutting losses and searching for a new path.

The search for meaning will continue.5

Click here for another logoParsha article on Devarim (Sight or Vision)

Notes

  1. Devarim 1:41-44. The original story appears in Bamidbar 14:39-45
  2. The explanation of the Netziv is actually found in the original story in Bamidbar
  3. Tzidkat Hatzadik, Chapter 46. I was directed to this source by Rabbi Samet's in-depth discussion of the Ma'pilim at this link http://bit.ly/mapilimSamet
  4. In any given situation, writes Dr. Frankl, there is one right path to take.
  5. The search for meaning is the prime motivating factor in all humans according to Dr. Viktor Frankl. He outlines this in his bestselling book, Man's Search for Meaning.

Have A Great Shabbat!laughing

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