Fourth Time a Charm

or

Alone vs. Lonely

In Israel, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the parallel phrase to “third time a charm” was “third time, ice cream.” Most people I know never actually bought or got ice cream even though the phrase is widely used. But it is at least brings a smile to peoples' faces.

 

We have noted in these pages before how careful/stingy the Torah is with its words. Very often the rabbis note the paucity of words in certain instances or the over-verbosity in others and extrapolate from those exceptions.

 

So, as we approach one of the more familiar stories of Jacob’s ladder, I am surprised to read this year that the Ohr Hachayim points out that the word “vehinei”. (And behold – my translation), appears three times.

 

  1. And behold the ladder was standing on the ground
  2. And behold the angels were going up and down the ladder
  3. And behold God was standing on it (by him)1

 

The Ohr Hachayim continues to explain how this shows that this highlights the prophetic aspect of the dream.

 

Yet there is a fourth appearance: “And behold I will be with you.”2

 

That is, perhaps, the most essential of all the “beholds”. You are not alone.

 

That feeling that we are not alone is often a part of what a new client experiences before therapy starts. Friends and family at times have little understanding of a person’s grief, emotional status or sense of meaninglessness. Words like “get over it”, “it will pass”, “it’s not as bad as you think” are often used by well-meaning people but they usually just intensify the person’s sense of isolation and loneliness.

 

I have a client who at a recent session made the following request. During the week, he will write certain things in a chat message, and all he wants me to do is to react by saying: “I’m with you, I hear you, you aren’t alone.”

 

Loneliness can be painful, as discussed by Dr. Yuldasheva, “Loneliness is a mental state of a person, which is accompanied by painful emotional experiences and a depressive mood.” 3

 

There is new material coming out about utilizing “alone time” but loneliness is something else - a different kind of experience than being alone.   

"All the lonely people, where do they all come from? 

All the lonely people, where do they all belong?"4

 

Dr. Viktor Frankl, in his classic Man's Search for Meaning, tells the story of a woman in one of the concentration camps whose only friend was a tree. “This tree here is the only friend I have in my loneliness,” she says to him. 4 Using human imagination to counter loneliness is an incredible use of her resources – especially in those circumstances.

 

Having that fourth, final “behold”, “and behold, I am with you”, is not just a charm – it is in fact essential.

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Footnotes

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  1. 1. Rabbi Naftali Reich, https://torahanytime.com/lectures/266879
  2. 2. Bereishit 28:12-13
  3. 3. Ibid. 15
  4. 4. Yuldasheva , Dr. M., Samindjonova, Z.I., Zien Journal of Social Sciences and Humanities. Volume 20
  5. 5. The Beatles
  6. 6. Frankl, Viktor E.. Man's Search for Meaning (p. 69). Beacon Press. Kindle Edition

 

Picture by alexa

 

Have A Great Shabbat!laughing

For More Information On Logotherapy And How You Can Create A Fuller, More Meaningful Life, Or To Book An Online Session,

  1. Call Me At +972-54-589-3399, or in Israel 054-5893399
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