Good Radiation? – Parshat Vayigash

I tend to imagine that when world leaders meet, they spend much of their time discussing major issues that affect their countries' interests. Maybe I am naïve but that is the sense I get.

So it is surprising that when in Parshat Vayigash, where it tells of when Pharaoh first met Yaakov, the first question Pharaoh asks has nothing to do with the condition of the famine, the financial situation in Canaan or the like. Pharaoh instead asks Yaakov how old he is. Yaakov's response is equally surprising in its honesty and its raw emotion. "I am 130 years old. The days of my life have been few and bad, and they have not reached the days of the lives of my forefathers."1 The Midrash and other commentaries note that Yaakov was actually punished for having given such a bitter answer.2 Rabbi Chaim Shmulevitz, the great 20th century Rosh Yeshiva is quoted as saying that by virtue of the very fact that Pharaoh was even able to ask such a question shows that Yaakov radiated this sense of being old. "Had Yaakov worn his suffering with more cheer on the inside, he would not have looked as old as he did."3

On the one hand, it is such a blessing when we can project on the outside what we are feeling inside. There is a sense of wholeness and self-honesty. Sometimes though we feel the need to put on a mask to try and hide what we are feeling. These masks are often a necessary tool for use in our day-to-day function.4 So what it is that we wish to project? Do we want to project bitterness if that is what we are feeling? Or maybe we wish to hide it. Would we prefer to be feeling something else? Feeling bitter is certainly unpleasant. Can we change how we feel? Would we want to?

Is there one answer that fits all circumstances? Yes; and the answer is – all circumstances are different and need to be examined for context. Now, wasn’t that easy?

But, seriously, when you meet someone in mourning, would it be appropriate or humane to expect that person to not show signs of mourning? If people are going through a rough patch, would it be 'normal' for them to not show any sign of distress? Of course not. So what makes the difference? Much depends, as Rabbi Shmulevitz says, on how we view that suffering.

A noted psychiatrist, Dr. Viktor Frankl, said that despair equals suffering without meaning (D=S-M).5 If we know that there is meaning to our suffering, even if we don’t always know what that meaning is, it helps us carry that suffering a little easier.

We may be suffering and going through a difficult time. We may not want anyone to tell us that there is meaning behind it. Together with that, we should at least acknowledge that there is always meaning behind the suffering. And that makes it a bit easier to bear.

In memory of Mrs. Nechi Shudofsy, a"h.

Notes

  1. Bereishit 47:8-9
  2. Midrash Bereishit 47:28 Buber Edition
  3. Reb Chaim Shmulevitz as quoted by Rabbi Kamenetsky - https://torah.org/torah-portion/drasha-5756-vayigash/
  4. I am not in agreement with those professionals who teach that we need to remove our masks. We need to be aware of them. We need to learn how and when to use them. We need our masks. It is not appropriate for us to be constantly "open" for the world to see. We also need our privacy and it is legitimate for us to safeguard it.
  5. Dr. Frankl, the founder of logotherapy talks about his ideas in an interview found here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlC2OdnhIiQ

Have A Great Shabbat!laughing

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