Maintaining Your Identity in a Group - Parshat Naso

One of the most difficult issues we deal with is in a social setting is knowing when to subjugate ourselves to the rule of the majority and when to assert ourselves. When do we become a part of the herd and when do we color ourselves differently?

During the celebration of the consecration of the tabernacle in the desert, there is an unusual donation that is described in this week's Torah portion - Parshat Naso. Twelve different people, tribal heads, all brought the exact same sacrifice and donation to the tabernacle in the desert - even down to the same weight of the golden spoon they each brought.1 What is even more astounding is that the Torah relates the details of each and every donation even though all the details were exactly the same. The Torah does not usually waste words. What therefore may have been the purpose of repeating the exact same details not once, not twice, but twelve times!?

In the commentary of the great Spanish sage, Don Isaac Abarbanel, we find the following insightful answer. Though each one of the twelve men was a leader among his people and necessarily learned how to express himself and his own thoughts and feelings, there came a time to work together. It was important as well for their cooperation to be seen, and so, they each brought the exact same donation to the tabernacle, despite each one's ability to give much more. They thus displayed that by agreeing, not only did they not feel a blemish to their standing but rather a boost to their self and their standing. It was a challenge that the tribal leaders met with pride and from which we can learn as well. They all agreed and they all successfully retained their identity.

Where in our relationships do we draw that line? In our marriages? With our kids? Our parents? How about in the workplace? If you're playing pro basketball, when do you take the shot and when do you pass? The challenge arises anew each time as there is no one answer that fits every situation that we are in. True, it is a fine line to draw between one's own ego and sense of self as opposed to coming to a group consensus where you don't stand out from anyone else. Each situation is different and calls upon us to be present. We are to meet every situation as if it is the first time.2 True, we can call on our experience from over the years and similar situations which we have resolved successfully. But let us avoid the trap of getting into a predetermined mold of behavior where we 'know' exactly how to react in every situation. Each situation is a fresh, new opportunity to choose a path.

Those leaders knew this lesson. This was now a time for agreement. And they all agreed.

Notes

  1. Bamidbar Chapter 7. The details of the special sacrifice are repeated 12 times.
  2. Viktor Franklspeaks of 'meaning of the moment' to describe this particular situation and how we can always find meaning.

 

Have A Great Shabbat!laughing

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