This topic has people confused. Is it right to want to make an impression? Shouldn’t I just be myself? Don’t people make their own impressions of me anyway - I might want to control that. On the other hand, as Rav Aviner once said, I don't want to become an indentured servant to the society I live in.
The answer I believe is, of course, both are right (and, yes, I do know the next question 'how could both be right' and, yes, you are right too). We should have our own sense of self and we should also be aware of how we are seen. We are not to be oblivious as to how others see us and experience us. Partly for our own needs and partly because of what we represent.
For instance, this week's parsha, Emor, commands us to make sure God's name is sanctified.1 The rabbis understand this to mean that we are to view ourselves as holy as we represent something far greater than ourselves, so that through our behavior God's name will be glorified.2 We may represent Torah and Judaism - whether we like it or not - or some other value. So our public behavior is to be appropriate for what we represent. An example is even brought down about Rav who explains that for him to ask for credit in an area where people do not buy on credit would be a dishonor to God's name.
I need to be honest with and loyal to myself. I also wish to be loyal to those I represent - whether it be a people or a company. A senior vp in a major corporation wishes to advance his own career and knows, too, that he represents his company as well and needs to at least avoid behavior that would cause embarrassment to his company and, in best cases, act in such a way as to bring extra business their way. You bet he cares what people think of him and his company. And that’s not negative.
Where's the line, you ask?
Ahhh, that's a different question. That is a personal, individual question that we all need to ask. There are many parameters to account for. Who's involved? What are my own needs? Are there extenuating circumstances? What is my particular contribution to this situation? Is there more than one way to approach this situation? Not to obsess about it but, yes, to ask the questions.
We all have our own greatness inside.3 How does that express itself here?
Soldiers, firemen, policemen and other security personnel put their lives on the line - for what? For something greater than they are that they are proud to represent. Is everyone expected to do that or capable of doing that? Good question. Heroes have risen up from being simple people living simple lives and were thrust forward into situations where they behaved heroically and not out of choice. It is just from our own human greatness and the ability to rise to a situation.
Let us start by being loyal to ourselves, to who we are and to the greatness inside of us. And, at the same time, let us be aware of who and what we represent.
1. Vayikra 22:32
2. Yoma 86a
3. Viktor Frankl. Will to meaning p. 33, 48
Have A Great Shabbat!
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