Complexity of Relationships - Parshat Ki Teitzei

We have a tendency to categorize people as one kind or another. Good or bad, kind or nasty, generous or stingy - these are the kinds of categories we build for ourselves when dealing with people. It seems to help us when making decisions, seeking advice, or discussing community affairs. Yet, are we that simple, that one-sided, or that easy to categorize?

The Torah challenges us in this week's parsha, Parshat Ki-Teitzei, on this very question. In discussing the different nations which would be acceptable for conversion, the Torah tells us that Egyptians ' conversions will be fully acceptable after the third generation.1 Why? Why would we accept them at all - even after the tenth generation? Are these the kind of people we wish to include in our own? After all they did for us? Rashi is bothered by this as well and expands on the text. He explains that they provided shelter for us during the time of the great famine in Israel during the time of Joseph. That kindness was enough to prevent them from being shunned forever as the Moabites were.2 Yet the question still remains - but they threw our children into the rivers! How can we show them any kindness? The great 15th century Turkish sage, Mizrachi answers here that this is the reason that we wait three generations. It is not and cannot be an automatic conversion process. We remember their evil yet parallelly appreciate their kindness. We accept their conversions but only after the third generation.

How complex this can be - to remember the evil they perpetrated against us and, hand in hand, to remember the kindness. We are obligated to recall their evil, inhumane actions against us on Passover night and yet we are also challenged to remember their kindness. Evil and kindness rolled up into one package. How do we view it? It seems extremely difficult for us to accomplish this.

How do we view others in general? As we mentioned earlier, there is a tendency to view people as one way or the other, fitting people into nice little compartments. But the Torah challenges us to take note that life is not always so simple. We need to create new categories, new ways of looking at fellow human beings.

Are we ourselves, ALL good? Or are we, too, a mixture? Everyone is their own particular mix. How do we want others to view us? Do we want them to remember only our mistakes? When does society need to punish wrongdoers and actually give them a stamp of 'wrongdoer'?

There is unfortunately no one equation with which we can categorize all people and our complex relationships with them.3 The challenge is there for all of us to view and regard each relationship as unique and separate. This challenge is there for us to meet!

 Notes

1. Devarim 23:8-9

2. ibid. 4-5

3. Viktor Frankl discusses this even with regard to past Nazi criminals in his landmark book, 'Man's Search for Meaning', pp. 133-4

Have A Great Shabbat!laughing

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