Standing up to Peer Pressure - Parshat Shelach

One of the most difficult challenges throughout a person's life is that of peer pressure. It is important to toe the line in some cases (op. cit. blog of Parshat Naso). Yet it is sometimes important to stand for what we believe despite pressure to conform. Knowing where the difference is between the two is quite a challenge. How can we make that differentiation?

In the story of the scouts in this week's parsha, Parshat Shelach, we find such a dilemma for Calev. The majority of the group of scouts which was sent to get information about the land of Israel came back with a report that the land was uninhabitable and unconquerable. Calev, who accompanied this group, had a different take on what he saw.1 He could have said nothing. But he chose to speak up as a lone voice. And not only did he have to deal with the rest of his group - another 10 people - he had to deal with a huge crowd that was murmuring and complaining because of the negative report they just heard.

It was an heroic stand that Calev took. From where did he have the strength to do that? He saw the truth being manipulated and could not bear it! His sense of truth helped him decide to not cave in to peer pressure but rather to stand up for what he believed in.

What does it take for us to do that? At what point do we stand up for what we believe as right? When is our own value of peace more important than standing up for our ideas? And when not? Perhaps we simply afraid of what others may say. Or perhaps it is the correct decision. What kind of life do we want to lead - one where others are determining what we think and how we behave? Or would we prefer to be the master of our own lives, making our own decisions and living the life we were meant to live and according to our own individual guiding principles?

Being aware of our inner values and our own internal decision-making process helps us to know when to stand up for them. Perhaps, Calev was the source of Polonius' famous advice to his son: "This above all: to thine own self be true."2 This parental advice may, in fact, give us the the most effective way for us to judge a situation and our relation to it.

There are many ways for us to become more aware of our values. Let us discover those values which are more important or less to us. Let us be the judge of that for which we will waive our rights and those principles for which we are willing to stand up.

Stand up to peer pressure...and FOR yourself.

 

 Notes

  1. Bamidbar 13:26-30
  2. William Shakespeare - Hamlet - Act 1, scene 3
  3. Viktor Frankl speaks of values as part of what helps us discovermeaning in our lives.

 

Have A Great Shabbat!laughing

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