We Make People Upset - Parshat Vayeilech

We may not want to. We may not be trying to. We may even be trying to help. We may have done or said what we did for all the 'right' reasons. But still it made people angry. It may make us feel like we should give up. It may confuse us. We may want to stop helping others. Do we quit?

In his profound book, 'Anyway: The Paradoxical Commandments', Dr. Keith Kent challenges us with his 9th paradoxical commandment. "People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway."1 We are challenged to make the world a better place. We may try and even succeed 90% of the time. And sometimes we may have done all the right things but still people get upset and may be angry with you or blame you for not caring or being insensitive to their needs. Help others anyway.

This topic is difficult to really get a handle on. There is no way to be careful of everything and everyone. And the helper may be accused of upsetting someone. Should we then be paralyzed into non-action? Should we avoid trying to discuss one issue because it may ignore someone else's pain and suffering? When do we know that it is the right or wrong thing to do?

In this week's parsha, Parshat Vayeilech, we find that there may be a time when even God will be angry with us even when trying to do good. What will have made him upset? If we worship other gods.2 If we turn our back on His covenant then He will be angry with us. As humans, we might believe that there may be times where we may feel it is necessary to involve ourselves with idol worship in order to help someone. We may even understand the motivation but those actions will not be acceptable in God's eyes. He will get angry. The Torah discusses other actions which may incur God's wrath. And He is the moral compass - our moral compass. There are certain lines we are not to cross. We do not say in this case, 'do good anyway' rather we might say, 'do good but be careful.'

Hillel teaches us,"That which is hateful to you do not do unto others,"3 offering another guideline for us to use. It is assumed here that you will use some subjectivity as well to determine how to behave towards others.

It is becoming clearer why doing good can be such a difficult task.

We generally do not want to hurt others (sociopaths aside). We want to help. It is part of our human fiber to want to be involved in something that helps others.4 In the heat of the moment we may get carried away and try to do the right thing and wind up causing upset. We try to be fair and good and to not hurt, insult or anger others. This can be difficult and confusing and maybe we DO sometimes get it wrong.

There are guidelines. But He also leaves an awful lot up to us. There is leeway and even room for subjectivity. It is our responsibility. We may fumble about. But at the end of the day, week, month, year, or life we can say we tried. Yes, we may have made people upset. We may have even made mistakes. But we are not to give up. We continue to try. That is the basis of our strength.

 

  1. Kent Keith, Anyway - p.87
  2. Devarim - 31:16-7
  3. Masechet Shabbos 31a
  4. Viktor Frankl discusses finding meaning through helping others as a central method of living a meaningful life.

 

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