Here is the emotional trail when avoiding therapy…So being the sophisticated, educated, advanced you, considering therapy may be viewed as damaging,labeling or pathologizing. Who me? Nah, I don’t need therapy. I am so popular, I have loads of friends who are willing to lend an ear. I can talk to countless people off my favorite list, any hour of the day. My sister is a therapist herself, I have an aunt who has a PhD from an IV league university, and a neighbor who is a master educator and offers great advice. Who are all these people that you are sharing the depths of your life with?
They may be well meaning, top of their game, outstanding with superb qualities and truly available for you…but if they are not certified therapists, you are running a huge risk. At best you will not experience any positive results. At worst, there goes a long standing relationship with damaged previous emotional gains and along with an unraveled self esteeem that took years to build. Practicing therapy, regardless how tight the friendship,without being a therapist is NOT what friends are for.
Sure we want to trust all those in our inner circle but if you give it some thought how likely is an unintentional slip of the tongue?
Later on, you might find yourself feeling a little exposed around the “dear friend” or “close family member” that you disclosed to. After a while, you may get feedback from someone in your social or family circle of a LEAK that your trusted confidant has done. Your top secret has now become public knowledge and you don’t know who to trust anymore.
Another possibility is that the great advice that you thought you were getting not only did not work but backfired because advice was not what you were looking for in the first place. What you were really looking for was for someone to listen to you, to be with you, to understand and help you discover the answers that are dormant inside your soul, waiting to be discovered.
Yes, you may be talking, and very good at expressing yourself, not afraid or ashamed – ok I hear you, healthy sense of self- but is the listener really listening? Is he or she capable of focusing on only you at that moment that you are disclosing? It takes years for a therapist to train in the nuances of emotional filtering, to know when to step in and when to retreat. To tease out the real from the imagined, to get through defenses and know how and when to respond without reacting subjectively. Think of a therapist as a reflector, rather than a shock absorber.
A qualified, trained therapist who has years of training and experience, ongoing supervision and post graduate education. But most importantly, someone who you feel comfortable sharing with. When you are in the room with that person you feel like you are free to be yourself. No pretension, no judgement, no harsh criticism or unwanted advice. You are looking for someone who is dedicating their time to help you reveal the true you.