Forgiveness as the old adage goes, Is one of the hardest things to do€. When we have been wronged we often feel as though we want to bare a grudge, because we have a natural desire to hurt the person in return. Ironically, what ends up happening is usually the reverse. The person who has done the hurting may often be unaware or oblivious of the fact that they caused someone they care about to be in pain. That person then takes an affront to the person that they inadvertently hurt, and hurts back-causing a cycle of pain giving and receiving. Until the event which caused pain is discussed, each party, the pain causer and pain receiver may be sitting with different perspectives that neither really knows how to discuss their pain and relieve one another of the pain that has been caused. As a result of the dynamic that has been created, each sits in fear and thinks to themselves that by discussing the act which has led to a divide it may result in more pain, so why bother re-examining a sore wound.

The truth is that by not allowing ourselves to be a part of giving or receiving forgiveness we carry around with us a heavy weight.  The wound exists, we are both aware of it, yet no one wishes to tend to it. While our attempt at forgiveness may not be received, it relieves the carrier of a heavy burden. Forgiveness is about accepting responsibility for pain. It is about acknowledging that wrong has been done and that those involved want to take the initiative to turn a wrong into a right. This is what enables us to feel free. Even though it takes a tremendous amount of courage to acknowledge the wrong that we have done to another, by accepting responsibility for what we have done, we have a tremendous amount of power to reach beyond our animalistic selves and tap into the most humane parts of ourselves and create a release from pain.

“Forgiveness is related to hope because it is the prelude to reconciliation. It is only through forgiving that we can have the hope of moving forward in our relationships, either with the person who has wronged us, or even with the ability to feel free to trust others enough to be able to connect with them,” says Chief Rabbi of England, Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks.

By not forgiving we continuously replay a conflict that will forever keep us apart.

Forgiveness enables us to create a future, because it enables us to move forward, regardless of whether our forgiveness was accepted and received.

“Forgiving doesn'™t mean forgetting. It means living with the past, but not forgetting the past,” Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks.

Seeking the help of an outside party can help to tease out all aspects of a painful situation and restore hope and faith in a relationship, so that both parties can be richer and stronger for having had the experience, and move forward in their relationship.

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