When we are feeling low it is so much easier to reflect upon what our loved ones are doing wrong to create difficulty in a relationship rather than to reflect upon what we ourselves could do differently.  It is ironic how easy it is to see how others hurt us, but so much more difficult for us to see how we cause pain. I was thinking that perhaps, in order to strengthen our relationships and avoid causing more pain, we can check in with our partners from time to time to make sure that we don't cause too much unnecessary pain. Although it may feel strange and difficult, in doing so, we can achieve so much: 1) we show our partners how much we really care about them, and 2) we can learn how they might want to be treated differently, 3) by asking what they want we are inadvertently inviting them to care about what we want as well, because loving relationships are dynamic. By admitting that we don't fully understand our partners and allowing ourselves to find out what works for them we create a win-win situation.

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