Many people have told me that they believe that they should only go to a therapist when things are going badly in their lives or their relationship. By choosing to only work on a relationship when both parts of the couple are feeling angry and negatively towards one another, isn't the best idea, as this is a time when most couples report feeling less motivated to work on the relationship.

Many of us haven't been taught good relationship skills and tools. Many of us have poor relationship models. Therefore, it's a really good idea to consider going to a trained marriage and family therapist when you are feeling optimistic. This ensures a few things. Firstly, it ensures that both individuals feel motivated to really invest in the relationship. By being in giving mode, one is willing to really put their all in making sure that a relationship is capable of moving ahead. Secondly, people who feel good and secure within their relationship are more receptive and open to ways of maintaining and protecting their relationship.

Couples who come to therapy feeling angry at one another often come because they want the therapist to say that they are right and the other person is wrong. When the therapist attempts to show the couple both sides, this can make them more angry as they aren't hearing what they came for: that "THEY ARE WRONG." "MAKE THEM CHANGE."

For those not yet in a relationship considering doing some work around relationship goal setting, and figuring out what kind of person might you go well with, and what situations to avoid. This is a fantastic investment because it can really help to save time and heartache, by cluing you into what you need most.

Chek out Micki's website: www.relationship.renovation.com