Surie entered the therapist’s office with cautious optimism. Several people had recommended this particular counselor which gave her hope that her anxiety and depression might be lessened. She had seen one or two other professionals for similar symptoms in the past and had experienced some relief. What she really hoped for was that the antidepressant medication that a psychiatrist had prescribed some weeks before would kick in so that she could avoid the grueling work of examining her life.

            The session went well. Mrs. X, the therapist made her laugh at some of her foibles and reassured her that mental peace and balance were within her reach. She would need to learn some critical interpersonal skills to build up her confidence and learn to reprogram some negative self talk. She came back for a second session and reported that several parenting suggestions had produced promising results. More hugs and less criticism had rendered her seven year old less oppositional and happier. She agreed that working slowly and steadily on personal issues would be beneficial and would help provide a strong emotional foundation for her future. So it was a bit surprising that the following week Surie called to say she would not be continuing with therapy. Her meds had kicked in and she was feeling better.

            This story is not a unique one. Many people sample therapy once or twice and stop, relying on chemical assistance as their “drug of choice”. To be able to awake in the morning with less angst and more optimism allows many people to function better. Being more productive with their daily lives these people will continue on their medication, increasing it if necessary, and hope that it will stay effective for them. This can work for months, even years without much trouble. At some point however most medication needs to be changed, added to, or stopped altogether due to pregnancy, side effects or medical complications and the patient is thrown back into the painful abyss of depressive thoughts or overwhelming anxiety. Psychotropic intervention is a wonderful gift. For hundreds of thousands of people it is a lifesaver. It is not however a substitute for the acquisition of life skills and emotional awareness.

            In their final phone conversation Mrs. X suggested some issues Surie might want to focus on should she ever decide to resume therapy. Medication, she advised, would not be able to fix the holes in Surie’s psychological framework. Mrs. X explained that by learning assertiveness skills and certain exercises to relieve childhood traumas, Surie could greatly reduce her depression and anxiety symptoms.

 The therapist went on to point out that Surie needed to become more autonomous in her relationships. It was apparent that she was easily swayed by the opinions of family members, her husband and friends and rarely used her authentic voice or even knew what it was. As a parent this translated into Surie being overly tough and critical to her young children to satisfy the opinions of others. It made her terribly insecure in choosing outfits to buy or making educational decisions for her kids. One of her biggest complaints was that she felt that she was less intelligent than most people around her. Her ability to converse, she argued, was awkward and stunted. She dreaded family gatherings for that reason. She always felt dumb and dull and inferior to everybody talking around her. Mrs. X pointed out that she had conversed extremely well in their sessions. Surie had been clear in her presentation of her issues and fears. She had been quick to understand the advice of Mrs. X and had asked relevant and important questions. She had been sincere and open about her childhood and very insightful about self defeating patterns she had noticed in herself. Surie heard Mrs. X’s belief in her innate intelligence and emotional awareness. She was not convinced. She softly thanked Mrs. X for the work they had done and for the comprehensive evaluation about Surie’s intrinsic needs. She promised to consider doing more personal work in the future. For now though, she was feeling better and functioning better and that was good enough.

  Therapy is a commitment. It is a commitment of time. It is a commitment of money. It is a commitment to personal examination. The commitment is substantial. The rewards are great. Achieving a level of inner personal peace and a deep awareness of self eludes most people. There is no substitute for repairing oneself from the inside out and strengthening the core that will impact generations to come. It is not for everybody. But for those who are courageous enough to stick with it the rewards are almost certainly worth the effort.

Reizl Kessin maintains a private practice in Midwood, Brooklyn. She is trained as a Mental Health Counselor and has advanced training in alternative healing modalities such as N.L.P., Guided Imagery and Energy Work. She lectures, conducts groups and leads workshops on self improvement. She can be reached at 718 951-7042 or by email at [email protected].