By David Schatzkamer
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a condition that can make it hard for a child to sit still, control behavior and pay attention. These difficulties can begin before the child is seven years old. Teachers are usually the first to recognize ADHD symptoms because the child is in school for long periods of time. If you are a parent of a child with ADHD then you are aware of the difficulties that manifest themselves in your child. Sometime parents have difficulties with homework, chores, getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc.
The first thing I teach parents regarding ADHD is that it is a "medication condition" that is affecting the child's behavior. Parents do not cause ADHD. However, there are many ways in which parents and family members can help a child who has ADHD. Here are some pointers to help you with parenting:
1. Give your child more immediate feedback/consequences, children with ADHD are very responsive in the moment. Arrange the environment to maximize appropriate behavior and when you spot it, tell the child immediately. For instance, if your child helps you clean the table on Shabbat, say, "Thank you for helping to clean the table, I really appreciate it!" If you find it difficult to think of a response, you can make a list of verbal compliments to use with your children. On the other hand, if you are attempting to change an inappropriate behavior, provide immediate negative consequences.
2. Be consistent, ADHD children require consistency to learn effectively. Respond to them in the same manner, even when the setting changes. Both parents should use the same method of providing feedback and consequences.
3. Give your child more feedback. That means you must always be on the "watch" for when your child is being good and always let him/her know it. Give your child praise, lots of it.
4. ADHD doesn't always mean “I am bad” or “I am crazy” — there are many qualities of children with ADHD that are positive, beneficial and unique which will help them later on in life. Think of your child as someone who is Awesome, Determined, Happy and Dazzling.
It is not surprising that a lot of children with ADHD are smart. They could be in class not paying attention to the teacher, and at the same time, be focused on the squirrel outside and how he hides his food. The more awareness and knowledge your child has of his/her ADHD, the more he/she will become equipped to learn different techniques to overcome difficulties, whether it be at school or at home. A creative project you can do with your child is to take a piece of paper and write down A D H D or maybe have four different papers and write each letter on a page. Ask your child if he/she knows what the letters stand for. As you have your child fill it out, ask him/her for some examples or if he/she is unable to, you can model some. For example: A is for attention and children with ADHD sometimes are inattentive. See if your child knows what the actual word(s) mean. If your child does not know what the word inattentive means, give an example.
The goal of this creative project is to make your child more aware. Once he/she becomes familiar with the language and can give you examples you can both work on some behavioral interventions. Sometimes as a parent, you may ask your child to put his socks on, and your child loses focus and starts doing something else instead. Instead of saying "How many times do I have to tell you to put on your socks?" or "Why aren't you putting on your socks?" you can tell your child “Yonah, you are being inattentive.” Since he knows what it means, by telling him he is being inattentive, it might help him refocus again. This comes with practice and patience. Before you start to utilize the interventions above, it is recommended that you discuss them with your child's psychotherapist.
David Schatzkamer has a masters in Mental Health Counseling from Brooklyn College. He is currently working in the inpatient unit at New York Presbyterian Hospital/Cornell. In addition, he is working on a research project studying stigma of mental health and religion. He is the founder of www.psychedin.com, a website for mental health counseling students and professions and can be contacted at [email protected].