Tali Moskowitz, LCSW

The Mysterious Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is a novella by
Robert Louis Stevenson about a prominent doctor who believes
that there are two parts to every person: good and evil. As an
experiment, the doctor creates a potion that divides the two sides of
his character, allowing him to transform between the good person
and the evil person inside of himself. Sometimes he is Dr. Jekyll,
the kind and educated doctor; and sometimes he is Mr. Hyde, dark,
mysterious and violent.

I cannot count how many times a client of mine has described a
loved one as behaving like Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde, or as having a “split
personality”. These clients are often distressed and feel a need
to understand how their loved one can “flip” from one extreme to
another. It is distressing that only they know this “bad side” of their
husband or wife, while others only see the “good side”. Any parent
can attest to experiencing different sides of their children. A child
can be intensely challenging at home, yet his teachers describe him
differently. The parent may ask the teacher, “Are you sure you’re
talking about my kid?”

If you see this split in yourself, don’t worry. This is entirely human. In
fact, we have many parts to our personality, a multiplicity of the mind.
Everyone has experienced arguments with themselves. One side of
you is thinking one way and another side thinking the exact opposite!
A woman struggling with weight loss may battle with different parts:
One side wants to follow the diet while the other side of her just
wants to eat sweets. Another person may view himself as generally
very kind and gentle, yet when confronted with particular people, a
different side of his personality emerges.

Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), a type of treatment
developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, explains the mystery of Dr.
Jekyll-Mr. Hyde. In Introduction to the Internal Family System’s Model Dr. Schwartz explains: “we have ongoing, complex
relationships with many inner voices… that are similar to relationships
we have with other people.” All people have different “parts” of their
personality. Some parts develop protective roles that may cause a
person to behave in extreme ways. You may notice a grown person
throwing a tantrum or behaving in a self-destructive way. During the
course of life we experience events or go through challenging times
that cause emotional pain. The IFS model of understanding human
behavior explains that different sides of our personality behave in
self-protective ways to prevent us from feeling emotional pain. In
other words, when a person is reminded of past hurt, a part of him will
try to push the pain away through protective behavior that appears
like an overreaction. To an outsider, it can seem as abrupt as if he
just drank a potion and turned into Mr. Hyde.

Through getting to know our inner voices, our behavior can change.
When we learn to create peaceful relationships with the inner parts of
ourselves, our relationships with others naturally improve. Imagine
that that there is a part of yourself that irritates you. Maybe you hate
that you sometimes snap at your kids. If someone you know has a
similar part to them, it may remind you of this part in yourself; and
if you dislike this part of yourself, you may find that you also dislike
this part of other people. On the other hand, if you get to know that
part of yourself and have it work for you instead of against you, you
will find yourself more forgiving toward others when they behave the
same way. When a spouse or child behaves in a way that upsets
us, we understand that it is only a part of them acting this way, and
probably for a good reason. Although it may not be effective, we can
understand that they are simply trying to protect hurt feelings.

When we are able to identify and separate the different aspects of
ourselves, we can each connect to our true self. We can lead our
lives from a more grounded place instead of letting the protective
parts of us lead. We no longer have the need to fight with ourselves
and consequently become more forgiving of others.
So the next time you see your sister, brother, son, daughter,
husband, wife or good friend “flipping” on you, remember . . . there’s
someone else in there.
*Tali Moskowitz is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and is
trained in Internal Family Systems Therapy. She has been providing
psychotherapy to children, adolescence and families for over 16
years. She has a private practice in Hewlett, NY and can be reached
at [email protected].