Current research shows that anxiety affects one in eight children and most of those children are not receiving treatment. Children suffering from anxiety are at high risk of performing poorly in school, missing out on important social experiences, and falling prey to substance abuse. These children must be identified and helped to navigate the pitfalls that come with avoidance and other poor coping skills.
All children, and for that matter most adults, will experience periods of time that are filled with stress and worry, which manifest themselves in disturbed sleep patterns or reports of ill health. These experiences are a normal part of child development.
There is a difference between worry and anxiety. A person can be stressed, worried or fearful when faced with real danger; this is an in-born, natural response. An anxious child, on the other hand, is one who is hypersensitive or "on alert" for danger most of the time. That heightened sense of "this is not safe" or "something bad is going to happen" prevents the child from participating in age appropriate activities. Inside the mind of the child, he or she is perceiving the situation as dangerous or scary when it is not. If a child repeatedly (for more than a month) avoids a certain non-threatening activity or situation, parents should consider seeking professional assistance to determine if the child is suffering from an anxiety disorder.
There is no blame or fault in having an anxious child. While research indicates that genetics may be one factor that gives rise to anxiety, life experiences, temperament and environmental factors are also important factors. That explains why two children born to the same parents can be raised in the same house, with only one of them suffering from anxiety.
Parents can help their children to overcome the physical, mental and social strain that anxiety can place on the child, by doing a variety of things:
1. Learn about the type of anxiety disorder that your child suffers from. The more you understand about how your child thinks, the better able you will be to empathize with them and to help them to fight their anxious thoughts.
2. Children need to develop an emotional vocabulary and learn not only to recognize their own feelings, but also the feelings of others. When children are given the opportunity to discuss their concerns, they are often relieved to know that they are not alone in their thinking. Children can often feel reassured and empowered through the use of techniques such as rehearsing "stressful" situations, practicing conversation starters, and breaking daunting tasks into smaller pieces.
3. No parent likes to see their child suffer in any way. However, if a parent swoops in and "saves" the child, this can lead to a bigger problem: the child never gets to prove their own ability to problem-solve or handle a situation without parental intervention. By over re-assuring, giving all the answers, and encouraging or enabling avoidance behaviors, parents are actually reinforcing their child's anxiety. Parents should instead encourage their child to think of possible outcomes or situations before they occur, and to encourage their child to look at the process of trying to deal with their anxiety as a necessary learning experience. By teaching their child problem solving skills, parents can promote the growth in their child of a more positive self-image.
4. Be a positive role model. Teach, model and practice relaxation techniques including a proper diet and regular exercise. Whenever you feel that you are under stress when dealing with your child, take a break in order to control your anger and impatience. Helping an anxious child is a lot of work but there is help and hope. Involve other family members and trusted adults in the child's life. A consistent approach helps the child to develop better coping skills.
5. Applaud any effort made by the child to do something that was once too "scary" and focus on even the mini-steps toward success in freeing themselves from their anxiety disorder.
Leanne Matlow, BA (Hons.), OTC, MA, is a counselor who holds a certificate in Cognitive Behavior Therapy. She is the author of, Thinking About Thoughts , a child-friendly resource to help children who suffer from anxiety. Leanne facilitates interactive workshops that focus on recognizing and building coping skills for anxious children and adults, and are suitable for parent groups, teachers' professional development as well as student groups. For information, email [email protected] or phone 416-702-7605