Choosing a therapist can be a very difficult and scary task. At a time when perhaps you are not feeling at your best, you are suddenly forced to choose from too many names, too many choices and still not know which kind of professional might even be the right choice for you. At various times in your life, you may need help dealing with problems that seem beyond your control. This can all feel quite overwhelming. For some, when you are honest with yourself, you acknowledge that you may not have been feeling well for days – or even weeks. Your symptoms are vague and it is really more that you have not been sleeping well, and you feel anxious, alone and down. The kids, your partner and even your reflection in the mirror at times, seem to bother you and you find yourself short-tempered and not at all the person you want to be. You think you need to talk with someone but where do you begin? While often you can work through these difficulties on your own or with the help of family and friends, if you add to it a loss or other major event in your lives, you may just need to seek the help of a trained professional. Seeking psychotherapeutic help is a very personal decision. How do you choose a therapist and where do you begin?
 
Who Is a Therapist?
 
Therapists should be easily identifiable by their professional titles. Therapists are typically psychologists, psychiatrists or social workers. Titles such as psychotherapist, marriage counselor, coach and even therapist are vague and further inquiry is necessary to know that they really are qualified professionals. Anyone can call himself a therapist and that includes someone with little or no training. This is really a time for the buyer to beware. Make sure that you choose a person who is licensed or registered in their own profession and is well qualified in their area of expertise. People have various degrees at both the Masters and Doctoral level and may specialize in working with children, adults, couples, families or groups. It is not uncommon to have therapists who have gone on to do additional postgraduate work in areas such as sex therapy or grief counseling. Take the time in the beginning to check out their credentials, years of experience and training in the area in which you feel that you have a problem. For example, if you and your partner are in need of marital counseling, make sure that the therapist you choose has had both the training and experience in working with couples. Trust your own judgment and make sure that you are comfortable with the person sitting across from you. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, as you are an equal partner in the process. Seeing a qualified therapist is like going grocery shopping. If you don’t like the produce in one store, you must feel free to go to another to ensure that you get what you need.
 
What Is Therapy?
 
Good therapy is a partnership where the trained professional should help you better understand and solve your problems. They can point out areas of concern, general patterns that may be helpful or hurtful for you and help you determine and follow through on goals you set for yourself. It should provide you with the opportunity to talk openly and confidentially about your concerns and feelings. The therapist must be empathetic, honest, non-judgmental and show care and concern. You should feel safe, comfortable, respected, accepted and at ease in the therapeutic environment. As such,
you need to know that your questions and concerns are being heard and answered and that you will feel more hopeful and empowered after working together. The professional is trained to assess, diagnose and treat a full range of emotional, behavioral, cognitive and interpersonal problems. You may work together to develop new and more adaptive patterns of behavior so that you for example can cope better with your children or your latest difficulties at work. You should feel comfortable in asking what will happen during the sessions, how long they are (many are forty-five to fifty minutes in duration), who may need to be present, how many sessions there may be in total, issues about privacy, the fee structure, and policy on missed or cancelled appointments. Find out the therapist’s approach to treatment and goals for therapy and make sure that they are consistent with yours.
 
Where Do I Find a Therapist?
 
Therapists may be accessed through your health fund or may be accessed privately. Both have advantages and disadvantages. While fees will be lower through a HMO, the waiting list is typically much longer and may necessitate a wait of up to several months to be seen. Once you are seen, there may be a limit on the number of sessions that are covered through your provider, or a ceiling on the amount that they will pay per session. Depending on the health care provider that you choose, there are restrictions. If you are seen privately, you can be seen earlier and since you are paying for a service, you have more choice over whom you see, making it easier to shop around. Fees incurred privately may in part be covered by those having supplemental health care coverage through an employer or an insurance plan purchased privately. Therapists may also be found in community programs, hospitals, at counseling centers in colleges and universities, through the school system, and other community settings.
 
How Do I Find a Therapist?
You can ask your family doctor or other health care worker for names of therapists both in the health care system and privately. You can check out both and make your choice. Depending on the nature of the problem, it may make sense to have your physician in some way involved in the coordination and management of your care. This is especially true if you have a medical condition or are currently on medication. Your rabbi and various school and employment personnel can also be a useful resource of names to contact. Finally one of the best ways to find a good therapist is through word of mouth – simply ask your friends and family members.
 
How Do I Know if I Need to See Someone?
 
You might want to consider therapy if in spite of your best efforts to work through problems yourself or with friends or family, you are still having difficulties. If you are feeling anxious, depressed, angry, frustrated, out of control, under a lot of stress a good deal of time, notice changes in your behavior, are having trouble with eating, sleeping, making decisions, concentrating or carrying out your usual activities, then seek help. If you are not happy with your relationship with your partner, parenting of your children, friends, other family members, or just are not happy with how you feel about yourself, and want to explore how to change self-defeating patterns in your life, now may be the time to make that move towards feeling better. If you are having trouble adjusting to a move, a divorce, a chronic illness or loss, the stress of the current situation, see an increase in addictive behavior or just simply need to talk, now may be a good time to take control back over your life. We are all afraid of the unknown. Often one of the most difficult aspects of therapy is to pick up the telephone and make your first appointment. You may then be pleasantly surprised at how easy it is to begin the process of feeling better. This may be your long awaited opportunity to face those difficult challenges and move towards true emotional growth and recovery. Good luck.
 
Dr. Batya L. Ludman is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Ra'anana, Israel.  Send correspondence to [email protected] or visit her website at www.drbatyaludman.com. This article was excerpted from her book, Life's Journey. Exploring Relationships-- Resolving Conflicts, recently been published by Devora Publishers