Aviva Barnett

Personally, I believe that when I make choices and take responsibility for my life, I am living with my eyes wide open. When I have death in mind, I try not to take my loved ones for granted. If I had death in mind when I say goodbye to my husband at the start of the day as we leave home for work, I would realise that there is a possibility that either one of us may not come back. Death is always a possibility. I want to be open to life and open to possibilities, and I believe that I can only do this if I am aware that one day I will no longer exist.

 I see that some people reach middle age, or are struck by illness, and at that point death seems to be apparent. So why is death a topic that holds relevance for me? Death is significant for me because I value and treasure life and want to get the maximum out of each experience I enter.  I want to accomplish many things while I am alive, and therefore want to have the time on this planet to do so. Life is precious, but it can be taken away from me at any moment.  As I am so enthusiastic about getting the most I can out of life, death holds great meaning for me and must be acknowledged as a part of my journey.

I see from my clinical work that when people become aware of their own mortality, a shift occurs. People become more alive, willing to take more risks, more appreciative of nature and  love. They view life differently, incorporating all the different colours of the rainbow.  This leads me to believe that death awareness is the gateway to life.  Just as I have seen in my clients, I also personally feel that I can live more freely and passionately when I have an awareness of death. I think a lot of people are afraid of dying, but I think it could be worse not to live. I also acknowledge that it is impossible to live every moment with awareness of death, but rather we can oscillate in and out of awareness -- which can help us to adjust our lens on life.

I think that one powerful way we can take charge of our lives is by acknowledging our limitations. A major limitation of being human is the awareness that one day I will die. However much I may want to control my death -- for example, when I die or how I die, death is something that will happen, whether I like it or not.  I need to accept that along with my other limitations.  My possibilities and opportunities will not go on forever, they are limited.

My work with clients diagnosed with cancer has allowed me to experience many of the ways in which death may affect a person’s existence. I have worked with clients who were confronted with the death of a loved one, or/and had to face their own finitude. 

So, let us take today seriously, and live it passionately, as we may not realize that it could be our last chance!

Aviva Barnett is an existential psychotherapist and counsellor. She works with individuals and couples, and facilitates support groups. She works face to face, by phone and Skype. Aviva is accredited with the UKCP, United Kingdom of Counselling and Psychotherapy. She holds a Postgraduate Diploma in Psychotherapy and Counselling, and a Masters of Arts in Existential Psychotherapy and Counselling. She can be contacted by email at [email protected].