Stress seems to be an inevitable part of our lives.  There are family stressors, work stressors, financial stressors, just to name a few.  At one point someone shared with me an idea that stress is merely a result of our thinking.  Once we have healthier thoughts we no longer have stress.  I had difficulty accepting this premise.  After all, sometimes life can seem really tough.  However, as life goes on I’m accepting more and more that it’s not about the events that are going on around us, rather it’s our thoughts that create our reality.

            Somehow, we have come to believe that we must control every aspect of our life and if we make a mistake along the way the results can be devastating.   We are therefore constantly reevaluating our decision in our head and sometimes we forget to emerge from our head and notice life around us.  We are either stuck in the past or thinking about the future.  However, this need not be.  We are only human and our job is to do the best we can with the situation we find ourselves in.  I’ve come to learn that the harder we try to make the perfect decision, the more the decision eludes us.  We can all think of a time that we tried to come up with an idea and had no success, only to have a great idea pop into our head when we least expected it.  This is because when we are relaxed the creative process in our brain can work.

            Leora was feeling stressed about choosing the right school for her son. Through discussion, Leora came to the conclusion that she had created her own stress.  After all, our children are on loan from Hashem and we can only use what we have at our disposal to make decisions regarding their lives.  If at some point we feel we have erred in our decision, we can reevaluate.        

Yaakov was feeling stressed about a lecture he was to give.  Yaakov’s stress was a result of his thinking.  He figured that if the lecture was a success he’d open up the doors of opportunity.  If it wasn’t well accepted, his career would never be the same.  Must he see this as a given?

As a rule of thumb, when thoughts are screaming at us from within, and causing us to feel stressed, it is usually best to let them go.  We don’t choose our thoughts but we can choose if we’re going to believe them.  The more we can learn to let the unhelpful thoughts go, we will begin to hear the quiet voice inside, which will guide us and enable us to embrace our “stress” or “challenges” with confidence.

Rachel Factor LCSW is a CBT therapist specializing in treatment for OCD and other anxiety disorders for children, adolescents and adults.  She can be reached in Israel at 052-713-4130 and in the USA at 845-510-4169.  Rachel helps clients worldwide and is available for Skype or phone sessions.  Her email address is [email protected] and her web site is www.OCDsolutions.com.