By Lena Shore

"Tell me again, what are we doing here?"

Her blue eyes pierce mine. She moves forward on the couch in a semi-crouch. I check the clock. 4:01 pm. Our session has just begun and I am already feeling drained, wishing I had taken that break I promised myself between sessions.

She waits for an answer and I take a deep breath.

"What is it that you would like to accomplish today? I ask her.

"I don't know. We just keep going in circles and I don't know what all this is achieving." She waves her arm in the air in a grand sweeping motion,

"I hear you are frustrated. What would you like to achieve?" I keep my voice steady. Her eyes continue to bore into me.

"It's just the whole thing is so crazy. The world we live in is so crazy. Why would G-d make such a world anyway?"

And so it starts the old frustration of her living in world which makes no sense to her. A world in which she feels different, excluded and misunderstood. Week after week we meet. She talks and I listen. I wonder sometimes if this is all I am meant to be doing. Sitting and listening. When I attempt to interject, she cuts me off with a quick "you just don't understand" and then she keeps going on her tirade against all the people who have or have had power in her life. Every so often, she slows down and I can make a statement or ask a question which gives her a moment to think, to look at herself, to wonder if there is another perspective she could take

I bring the case to my supervisor.

"I feel like I am not doing anything for her," I tell him. "She is a very 'good client', comes every week, but is she really changing? Is anything really happening? Am I really doing my job? I feel like I get caught up in debates with her, instead of being able to remain focused on helping her."

"Everyone is not born with the same ability to look at themselves," my supervisor explains "She seems to have a very low ability to look at herself and to modulate her emotional reactions. The best you can do is encourage her to look for different ways she can handle the challenges in her life."

So I pause. This is what she loves to do. She loves to think of how things could have been different. How she could have handled a situation better when she was 8. Even though, I know that no 8 year old would do what she imagines she could have done, somehow this story making empowers her. She suddenly, through this fantasy, calms down and the past loses some of its darkness. Is this what I should be doing more of?

I think about it. In principle, I believe in trusting the process, allowing the client to lead She is after all the expert on her life. What happens when this principle makes me personally uncomfortable? Should I encourage more of the building of the story that never could happen?

I rationalize. I spin. The emotional brain really doesn't differentiate so clearly between fact and fiction. Could this be a great idea? Why am I, a person who considers herself quite creative, having such difficulty with it? Is it because of the way she attacks me and places me with all the others who can never understand? Am I becoming a resistant therapist? I can let myself off the hook and say that she's probably just borderline anyway… It's a solid argument. I'm tired.

But just as I am about to give up, I remember that something keeps her coming back week after week and I think again.

There are moments when I am able to get an empathetic statement in. Moments when we share a laugh, because she is such a great mimic. When she actually turns to me and says "maybe you can help me figure this out" and we spend a few minutes working together. And there is the value that I provide a safe place to vent and let off stream far from the world which has spurned her.

I walk in with these thoughts to our next session. Is it my imagination, or does she seem calmer as she begins the day's session with her usual list of complaints? She begins the story about someone at a wedding and how they acted towards her and then she stops, looks at me, and says,

"Maybe it's possible that she just had a different perspective on the situation".

I want to jump up and down and shout "hurray" for her tiny victory of understanding. Instead I just say,

"You know that's a real possiblitiy."

And she smiles.

I watch her sit a moment or was it two with this newest of thoughts. A look of quite composure rests on her face. I feel myself relax. I take a moment to file this in my mental storage cabinet of successes. I will bring it out to savor when I need a boost. I will hold it close when things get rough and I need to remind myself, that yes we really are doing something here. I just can't allow myself to blink-I might miss the process.

And I smile back.

Lena Shore, MSc is the Co-ordinator of The Place, The Jerusalem Center for Emotional Well-Being which was established in 2006.

Lena combines her expertise as a Nutritionist and Certified Family Therapist in her speciality of Emotional Eating. Lena also specializes in Grief Therapy and Couples' Counselling. With a wide range of trainings including EMDR , narrative therapy and addicitions counselling, Lena has much to offer her clients. The overall philosophy of The Place is that each individual holds the inner key to his or her healing process. Lena can be contacted at: (02)-581-8299 or 054-631-5518.