Here is a list of ideas about marriage that may or may not be relevant to you. They are not absolute and one can surely argue about the merits or limitations of each. Still, it can be helpful to look these over every once in a while to renew your perspective and motivate you to work to improve your marriages.

-Be your own person. Though you are married and life-partners, remember that you and your wife are still two separate people who need the space and independence to have interests and to do things that don’t involve the both of you (i.e., playing sports for the husband, going out for lunch with friends for the wife). If you think you have to do everything together, you might feel enclosed and trapped in your marriage.

-Be polite. Even though you speak to each other all the time, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t say “please” and “thank you”. And even though it’s her job to make the beds or your responsibility to pick up the kids, remember that even when your spouse does the everyday tasks, it’s important to express appreciation.

-Ask for guidance. From someone you trust, constantly. When you have questions of halacha or hashkapha and need to ask a Rav or have business and investment related queries and need to ask a financial advisor, you know how important it is to seek direction. How then could you go an entire lifetime without having someone to ask some of life’s most important questions to? There is nothing embarrassing about asking for assistance with simple or complicated relationship matters.

-“Do unto others” won’t necessarily work. You were always told to treat others exactly the way you want to be treated. This is generally true. But a man and woman are different (duh!) and want different things. So be smart about figuring out the likes and dislikes of your spouse and know that they might be very different than yours.

-Be prepared to change. Just because you never imagined you would ever write a poem in your life, because, it’s just not your type, be open to change and try it if you know your wife will appreciate it.

-Never stop dating (your wife, that is). Just because you are married now, it doesn’t mean you should stop attempting to impress and court your wife. Go to a hotel and play a board game and talk about anything that does not have to do with daily responsibilities, how difficult your job is, or how terrible your chavrusa is.

-Any gesture counts. Even though you cannot afford to buy her jewelry all the time, picking up her favorite ice cream on the way home and saying “I was just thinking about you so I brought you a little something” can go a long, long way. Try it.

- If it’s not working, give it up. Yes, you always imagined you and your wife would go to ShopRite together every Thursday night and have an awesome time selecting items together. But if instead, you become impatient and start arguing about whether or not you need ten boxes of cereal in the house just in case your wife’s entire extended family decides to visit simultaneously, cut your losses. Tell her you want her to rest up before Shabbos and that you will go yourself.

-Never assume. She will have no idea that you don’t like turkey in the cholent- (because it kills the taste- doesn’t everyone know that?) if you don’t tell her. Practically, this will save you from getting upset every week.

- Your spouse isn’t responsible for your happiness. Although she might be able to influence the state of your mood, ultimately you control whether or not you are truly happy. Sorry to disappoint you, but it is not her responsibility. And while it’s not your responsibility to make her happy either, try to ensure that your environment is one that is conducive for happiness. Sometimes a smile is the best and most effective way to accomplish this.