What if the controlling behavior went away, the anger was gone, there was no more fear? And the person you married turned out to be a truly beautiful human being after all? What if you could heal completely from the pain you have experienced in your marriage and get a fresh start?

I've been lucky. I went to graduate school to learn exactly how to accomplish all of the above, just like all the other therapists, but unlike them, I've had the key to incredible power and accuracy that enabled me to actually succeed where others have failed.

I've developed powerful tools to help people and I never have to second guess whether they would work or should work. I can rely on them and they always come through for me. That's because every one of them was derived from the Torah.

Let me give you an example.

Dina was late coming home for two weeks straight. Yossi was unnerved by this. "Where is she? What is she doing?" he would ask himself over and over. His mind kept running back to that day last spring when he met her boss, Mr. Berkowitz. Yossi was immediately taken aback by how handsome her boss was, a thought he tried to banish from his mind but couldn't. What's more, Mr. Berkowitz seemed to be especially nice, a lovely man. "Does he act this way for my wife?" Yossi couldn't help but wonder.

No matter how many times Dina insisted that she was working late to finish a project - for which she was paid overtime - Yossi would greet Dina in a black mood, full of questions and suspicion. Dina was deeply hurt by this because she was, in fact, beyond reproach and this was a false accusation.

There were times when Dina was ashamed to admit that she would lash out at Yossi, venting all her pent up frustration. The situation got so tense that she started to have stomach aches. Eventually, they decided to seek help from a frum therapist and came in to see me.

"Yossi," I asked, "Can you do a mental exercise for me?" He readily agreed. I presented one of my most difficult tools. People always find it nearly impossible to do at first, yet once they catch on, it turns around their whole way of viewing the world.

"I want you to come up with five possible reasons why Mr. Berkowitz is so nice to your wife other than because he has improper thoughts about her. Can you do that for me?"

Yossi was quiet for a while and finally shook his head, giving up the attempt. I coaxed him and sat silently for a while. Finally, he said, "Well, if he is nice to his employees, he will get better work out of them."

"Good!" I replied, "That's one reason. We need four more."

"Maybe he just is a nice person," Yossi said,

"Yes," I agreed, "that could very well be. We still need three more." At this point, Yossi gave up and I made the last three suggestions for him.

1. The business is doing well in spite of the recession so he is in a good mood.

2. He has some nice simchas going on in his family which put him in a great mood.

3. Maybe someone in his family has recovered from a serious illness and he's very happy about that.

Yossi admitted he could see where all these could be good explanations for his wife's employer's friendliness and nice demeanor. He sighed a deep sigh. I then asked Yossi, "Has your wife ever given you reason to doubt her?" and he acknowledged that she had not.

To the world, I call this my "Benefit of the Doubt Exercise," but you know very well where it really comes from:Vayikra 19:15 and PirkeiAvos 1:6.

It would take Yossi weeks to master the art of this mitzvah because it's one thing to understand a concept and another to incorporate it into one's thinking. But eventually, he did - and with it came a turnaround in his mood and demeanor.

During those many weeks until the change was complete, Dina could not contain her anger at her husband. In fact, because my work with Yossi validated the fact that she was being treated unfairly, her anger actually increased. Juggling my attention between them, I turned to Dina and gently asked her if this display of anger was "the real her."

"No," she answered, angrily pointing a finger at Yossi, "he has provoked me into doing something that's not me! What's more, I'm so hurt, I can't help it! I just see red and flare up before I know what I'm doing." She collapsed in tears, realizing that a new level of abuse had taken place: Not only had her husband hurt her but his treatment "caused" her to descend to his level.

I get responses like this all the time, and what has always boosted my confidence that anger can be dissipated is that the Torah insists we get rid of it. The Talmud, tractate Shabbos 105b views it akin to idol worship, and MishnaBerura 583, 5 explicitly forbids it. Dealing with anger has been one of the most challenging parts of my work, but the Torah not only insists it's possible but requires it. This gave me the chizuk (strength) to look for solutions.

In order to understand how to accomplish this feat, I read some neuroscience, so I always explain to people Hashem's brilliant method of constructing our brains. The part that gets angry (amygdala) is located in the emotional center of the brain which, when fired up, disconnects from the part of the brain that thinks (cerebral coretx). The solution: deep breathing and relaxation restores those connections so that you can calm your anger and think rationally again.

No matter what the challenge, from softening harsh speech to learning how to respect one's spouse; from a proper interpretation of Bereshis 3:16, to restoring romantic love, the Torah hasevery answer. Therapists that rely on it just seem lucky to have so many successes. But the truth is that they're turning to the most potent resource marriage counselors have at their disposal.

Dr. Deb Schwarz Hirschhorn, Ph.D.

BIO: "DrDeb" specializes in highly-challenged marriages and families. She promotes healing and rebuilding trust and respect. She has a local practice in Woodmere, N.Y. and also sees people on Skype. See her website, http://drdeb.com or phone 646-54-DRDEB.   Her forthcoming book is, The Healing Is Mutual: Marriage Empowerment Tools to Rebuild Trust and Respect--Together. Subscribe to her newsletter for tips and videos and to find out when the book will be out.