Note: This was originally published in Binah Magazine as the inaugural article for my ongoing column Therapy: A Sneak Peek Inside

Agoraphobia, Borderline, Conduct Disorder, Depression, Encopresis….

Yep, I know the ABCs of mental disorders pretty well. As a matter of fact, when I sat in Abnormal Psychology classes in college, I thought I had symptoms of every mental disorder we learned about. (While I only thought I had them, my kids were absolutely convinced that if their mother was becoming a therapist—gasp!—then she for sure had…).

The good news is that I only have a couple of them, so I am still functional enough to write this column, and subsequent ones, that will demystify and even detonate (I’m good at that) the mystique of therapy; to render it accessible and understandable to all my readers who suspect that therapy may be helpful to them, or to somebody close to them, but are not sure why or how.

In all seriousness, I remember that not even halfway into my first semester of my graduate program in social work, I sat in one of my classes learning about how to practice therapy, and I was awash with this awe-inspiring feeling of having simply come home. Home to where I belonged, home to the work that called to me from when I was a small child and felt driven to help every single bug, frog, cat, child, and adult who seemed to be in pain.

And I am utterly grateful to spend my time not only doing the work I love on a daily basis, but to have this opportunity to educate others through this column so that in our community, therapy will be viewed as simply another tool to improve quality of life.

I still remember the days when undergoing speech therapy was a stigma. When a girl in my school could barely speak because of a crippling stutter, or that first grader seemed so adorably cute with her heavy lisp, there were whispers about speech therapy, but nobody dared speak of it aloud.

Today?

Ha. If someone redts you a shidduch with a girl with a speech impediment, no matter how small or insignificant, immediately judgment is passed and extensive research is done on this apparently neglectful mother who dared not apply to the Board of Education for speech therapy services.

Undergoing therapy to alleviate emotional distress should be no more of a stigma than undergoing speech or occupational therapy to alleviate problems of a physical nature. In fact, the ramifications of neglecting emotional distress can be even more far reaching than neglecting a physical problem.

Okay, enough with the introduction.

Here’s what you really want to know: Why would the average person go to therapy, and how is therapy going to help her?

Loaded, loaded questions.

Very simply, the average person may recognize that she is just not feeling as good as she would like to. This can happen for many reasons, big and small, emotional or physical; and sometimes for no reason at all. She may have tried a bunch of things to get herself together, that are just not working. She may have tried talking to her husband, her sisters, and friends. She may have tried talking to her rav, rebbetzin, or teacher from high school. She may have read mussar sefarim and self-help books. She may even have told herself firmly, “Just stop acting/thinking/feeling like this and be normal!” And even though she was really, really, strict and self-disciplined, it didn’t help.

She may be feeling depressed or anxious. She may be thinking thoughts that don’t belong in her head or feelings that don’t belong in her heart. She may be acting in ways that hurt others, or hurt herself, either physically or emotionally. She may be unable to do things she normally does easily, or cannot engage in enjoyable activities that she once did, or enjoy things she has never been able to enjoy that she knows others do. She may realize that her relationship with others, or with herself, is stunted, and want more for herself. She may simply know somehow that the life she is living, or has lived until now, is just not what Hashem wants of her; that something is missing, and although she has tried to find that elusive something, she has been unsuccessful.

The truth? Therapy works best for emotionally healthy people.

So how does therapy work?

Loaded, loaded, very loaded question.

There are so many different types of therapies that it is beyond the scope of this article to enumerate and explain them all. But suffice to say that although therapy can never be an exact science — every therapeutic experience is unique, because of the individuality of each person and the individuality of each client-therapist relationship — there is research enough to validate the efficacy of the various types of therapy.

Different forms of therapy are used to target different issues; although the single most important tool used in therapy is the therapist’s self, without which few other interventions can take effect.

Change happens through the talking and listening done in therapy; through the specific techniques of individual types of therapies; through the dynamics of the therapeutic alliance developed.

Therapy works. Therapy changes people and their circumstances. And when change happens that illuminates a person’s life, gives a person the opportunity to be the individual she wants to be, you want to be there.

So if you want to master your ABCs, stick around and get to know your friendly, neighborhood therapist (yes, me… and my new column which will be featured on a regular basis!!)….

My book, Therapy, Shmerapy, can be found in bookstores or online