NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN BINAH MAGAZINE'S COLUMN: THERAPY, A SNEAK PEEK INSIDE

Confession here.

I love to argue, create controversy, get people all up in arms. I thrive on it.

It's like we can be sitting at a family get-together, and everyone is actually getting along, and I will throw in some comment that I just know will spark some excitement.

“Do you do this on purpose?” my important Others ask partly laughing, partly exasperated.

Yes, of course!

So this column is loads of fun for me.

I get to write stuff, that as I am writing, I know will land me some angry emails, phone calls, outraged responses. And I am chuckling as I write, because there is nothing I enjoy more than stirring up a hornet's nest. (I use calamine lotion for the stings that come my way. Very soothing.)

I have a funny feeling that this column will be one of those.

Really, when one of the Binah editors asked me to write about this, I shot down the suggestion, feeling that I was not in the mood of being the target for everyone's darts. But then, I remembered why I had originally begun this column—to educate people about therapy. And I remembered the me that's never afraid to say what I perceive as the truth, or as right; and what made me go into this field to begin with: to help others, to be an advocate, to change the world (much easier than changing myself, and less time-consuming, so you will forgive me if I put my energies in the easier stuff!).

So here goes.

Deep breath, Mindy.

Topic sentence coming up.

Did you know that it is legal in New York State for minors, children under eighteen, to see a therapist without their parents' or guardian's permission?

Yup.

Exactly what you just heard.

It's true.

I know because I get these calls all the time.

Teenagers call me because they feel desperate for therapy, but telling their parents is out of the question. For many reasons.

Principals of schools call me. Neighbors call me. They tell me, “We have a girl who needs therapy but the parent can not know. What should we do?”

Here is what I do first.

I ask, “Why can't the parents know about therapy?”

This question is important because I know that for the most part there is nobody as important in a child's life like his parents. Nobody loves that kid as much as her parents. And I believe very strongly that family is important. I believe that especially in our communities where the family structure is so crucial, so strong, that parent involvement—or at least knowledge—of their child's pain and attempts to heal, should be a given.

So I assess the situation, see if I can present an alternative to the secrecy. And usually I can.

But sometimes, when I cannot, I turn to New York State law that states the rights of a minor to enter therapy without his parents' knowledge.

I know because I belong to the National Association for Social Workers (NASW), which is a national organization uniting those in the social work field. NASW was formed in order to create a place where social workers can gain knowledge about the issues that communities and the greater society face, form a more powerful forum for advocacy, provide continuing education, and a host of other services, among them legal advice for its members.

When I was first faced with a question of treating a minor without parental consent, I contacted the Deputy General Counsel for NASW. The lawyer I spoke to informed me that while she cannot give me legal counsel, she can give me advice about legal issues relating to my field of practice.

In response to my query, she cited Section 22.11 from the NY Mental Hygiene that states a minor independently may seek treatment for drugs or alcohol. Section 33.21 cites that a minor can knowingly give consent for treatment when it is necessary for his or her well being, and there is no legal guardian reasonably available for consent.

The legal counsel also informed me that if a minor can be considered competent enough to give consent for treatment, then that minor can also approve or reject the release of her confidential information to others (such as teachers, neighbors, or rabbis).

So there you have it.

New York State is a good place to be a minor if you need therapy and it would be detrimental to the well being of the minor if the parent(s) know about it.

It may be you are thinking that if one parent is not “reasonably available for consent” why not the other parent?

Good question.

I have found that often, when the child is afraid of a parent finding out he is going to therapy, or the parent refuses to allow therapy, then the child knows the other parent—who the child is not afraid of, and who may even want the child in therapy—cannot agree to something the other parent forbids. Often because the other parent is unable to stand up for the child to his or her spouse.

There are many questions that may come up. Can a parent who finds out later contest the legality of the minor’s consent? Is there a minimum age at which a minor can give consent? If a parent finds out, can the parent revoke consent? What is even considered “reasonably unavailable” or “services necessary to minor’s well-being?”

These are valid questions, and ones which may scare therapists away from accepting minors into their practice; and I do not have all the answers. The wordings of these provisions are ambiguous and open to interpretation.

I wish children would not be suffering. I wish when children suffer, their parents would be their advocates.

It is not an ideal situation to have a child come to therapy without parental consent. But when it is necessary, I am awed by the responsibility that principals, neighbors, relatives, and rabbanim take to protect a child and help her achieve the life she wants for herself.

And if I am called to be the therapist in that situation, I do what I need to do.

Eggs aimed at my head, anyone?

My book, Therapy, Shmerapy, can be found in bookstores or online