"Better it is to be of a humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud." Proverbs 16:19

Humility is often equated in people's minds with low self-regard. People tend to think of such a person as stooped shouldered, weak, and only too willing to yield to the wishes of others.

This stereotype of a meek person with low self-esteem is prevalent in dictionaries too. The Oxford English Dictionary defines humility as someone with a "lowly opinion of oneself; meek; the opposite of pride or haughtiness."

Sometimes clarity can be gained by defining what something is not. So, consider humility as not being personal modesty. A person with personal modesty minimizes the value of their merits or achievements.

Modesty is also used in a social context in terms of how one dresses or acts in public. Usually it is associated with not attempting to draw too much attention to one's self due to how you dress or act.

The humble person does not have a low opinion of himself but an accurate one. He is secure with himself. He is able to keep his talents and accomplishments in perspective.

That perspective means that while he may be in a position of power or enjoy huge financial success he recognizes the accomplishments and merits of others.

This was described by John Templeton: " Humility knows you were created with special talents and abilities to share with the world; but it can also understand that you are one of many souls created by God, and each has an important role to play in life."

This means the person in power or financially successful person with humility does not see himself as any more entitled or worthy than others. Outside of his work environment he greets, helps, and thanks others as equals.

The psychologist June Tangney listed the following as key elements of humility:

* Accurate assessment of one's abilities and achievement
* Ability to acknowledge one's mistakes
* Openness to new ideas and advice
* Seeing oneself as just one person in the larger scheme of things
* Appreciation of the value of many people's contributions

People with traits of humility are more well liked than other people. In addition to admitting mistakes they are realistic about their achievements without being boastful or arrogant.

Humility is prevalent in a collectivist culture. A collectivist culture is one that values the group as much, or more, than the individual. In such a society even the leader will join and "pitch in" like everyone else for the group's benefit.

The example often given of collectivist culture is Far Eastern cultures like Japan. The willingness Japanese people often exhibit to respect group needs contrasts with the great emphasis in the Western world on meeting the needs of the individual.

Of utmost importance and influence is the relationship that authentically religious people have with God. With a combination of love and fear of God, an authentically religious person has a reverence and awe that makes him more cognizant of his own limitations. It helps you see yourself more accurately as being one part of the big universe. There is also a social factor similar to the collectivist nature of Eastern cultures. Living in a religious community encourages an individual to practice concern for the larger group in addition to one's nuclear family.

The Bible describes Moses as "the most humble of all men on earth". I had trouble understanding that to mean. Did it really mean that Moses was modest and meek? How could a meek person stand up to Pharaoh, lead the Jewish people though the travels in the desert, and speak with God, face to face.

Yet Moses was "the most humble" of people. He was the most humble because the more powerful and more accomplished you are, the more difficult is to remain humble. Despite his lofty position and accomplishments, Moses was not "self-focused" and did not have a sense of entitlement.

The ability to be humble despite your position of power is evidenced in the following story. In his function as Chief Rabbi of England, Rabbi Jonathan Sacks often entertained British dignitaries in his home. At the conclusion of a long evening and formal dinner, Rabbi Saks was escorting one of his dignified guests to the door. When he went to get the overcoat of his guest, he came back to find the guest in the kitchen. This dignified guest took the initiative to thank the kitchen staff for a wonderful dinner. He went over to all the kitchen workers, from cook to dish washer, and offered them his thanks. That dignitary was the Prime Minister of England, John Major.

How can you develop such humility?

From psychological literature there is little research and only suggestions for what to do. Live in a collectivist culture which focuses on the group. That can mean living and being a contributing member of a community with a common purpose and value beyond personal success and fulfillment. This is often available in religious faith based communities. It can also be created in ethnic, cultural and idealistic communities.

There are also personal exercises you can do. An effective one is to keep a daily gratitude journal focusing on your appreciation for what others do for you. Getting in the habit of sincerely saying thank you 3-4 times a day, is an effective way to remember you are not the center of the universe.

People with humility foster a positive atmosphere of growth and good will. Therefore I believe it is important to be aware of humble people around you whether in work or personal lives. Such people help enrich your life because they will value you as well as themselves.

Examples and characteristics to look for are a:

* CEO or boss who is open to criticism and welcomes your input.
* Spouse or close friend that is forgiving and able to laugh at themselves
* Teacher that praises accomplishments without comparing to others.

These traits are described eloquently by Rudyard Kipling:

"If you can keep your head when all about you
are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
but make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch….
If all men count with you, but none too much…

And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!"

I would add - you will be a man with humility.

Dr Mann is a Clinical Psychologist and Business & Personal Coach, who helps young adult males, parents, and adults in mid-life achieve positive goals. www.morismann.com