A Jerusalem Post Column
July 15, 2011
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"Whatyou care about - your values - is more basic than ethics" Martin Seligman.

When a mother rushes into a burning building to save her child, she is not acting ROM any ethical principle, it is not an ethical act. She is acting because she cares about her child.

Ethics and what wee care about are not necessarily the same thing. Someone might be a master of ethical reasoning or a whiz at moral philosophy. But if what he does is use his position to take sexual advantage of young women, then his behavior will be beneath contempt. Thus, what he does, and as a reflection what he cares about, is unrelated to his ethical wisdom.

An example of this distinction was evident in an experiment with graduate divinity students at Princeton University.

The psychologists Darley and Bateson told graduate divinity students that they would have to walk to another building and give a talk to a group of freshmen students. Half the graduates were told to speak about employment opportunities after graduation, and the other half were told to discuss the parable of the Good Samaritan from the New Testament. The parable has become so popular that the phrase "good Samaritan" has been adapted to common English language to mean someone who helps a stranger.

Some graduates were told that they were already late for the talk and that they should hurry. The others were told they had enough time to get there. In fact the focus of the experiment had nothing to do with the talk. It has everything to do with whether people in a hurry would help a stranger -. Even people who were thinking about the topic of helping.

On the way to the talk all graduates passed a man who was slumped over against a wall, apparently in need of assistance. The man was, in reality, set up by the psychologists. As the graduates passed this man he coughed twice and groaned in order to emphasize his distress and catch their attention. The results showed that what graduates were thinking about and preparing to teach had no impact on how they acted.

Whether the experimenter instructed the graduates to hurry or not, however, mattered a great deal. Graduates in a hurry were far less likely to stop and provide assistance than the other subjects.
The experiment showed that thinking or studying ethics and morals by itself does not change behavior. The graduates were, after all, not a random sample of Princeton undergraduates, they were divinity students. The beliefs that these students held dear, however, were able to be manipulated from an instruction by an unknown psychologist to hurry.
What wasn't measured in the experiment is the difference in response by divinity students as compared to regular students when both are not in a hurry. Compassion and helping strangers should be a core value for those in divinity school. If so, then under regular circumstances they would be more likely to help the stranger than other students.

Some educational institutions are trying to teach altruism and compassion to professionals and business school students. They are doing so by giving them more classes in ethics. But, MBA and professional graduate students often go to school with the core value of making a quick fortune. Ten courses in ethics will not change their value and approach. It is not a matter of ethics but of what they care about and are willing to invest their time to do.

Another way of describing what you care about is to call it your values. Values are connected to how you live your life and not just a course or philosophical position. It determines how you make significant decisions that affect your everyday life. Examples of life values are: making a point of not just talking to but visiting a grandparent every week (whether an hour or 5 minutes away); setting aside time on a daily basis to pray or meditate; or choosing a place to live based on community values and educational options for children.

This is an important message for those of us living in religious communities. There are many messages about compassion and helping others throughout the Bible and religious texts. In order for those messages to take firm root they need to be grounded in action.

As shown from the Princeton study, the value of giving and helping can be challenged when it conflicts with your personal needs. There is no personal need greater than risking your life. Yet, during the Holocaust there were people who did that to save Jews.

It is instructive to learn about what type of people these "rescuers" were. It can help us learn how to inculcate values into our life that we will live by and act upon.

The values that were important to the People who rescued Jews were humanistic. It wasn't a whim that led these people to risk their lives and those of their families. It was a response that came those core values developed and instilled since childhood"

In the nurturing loving homes they grew up in, rescuers experienced one or more of the following: an altruistic parent; a tolerance for people ho were different; and an emphasis upon independence and responsibility.


Rescuers were divided into three groups:
(1) Those moved by emotions of guilt and shame - if they stood by and did nothing they would consider themselves a "failure".
(2) Those that refused to delude themselves that things would be ok and were moved by feelings of sympathy and pity.
(3) A small group was moved by ethical principles and moral principles.

This shows us that most of these people were motivated to act because of their emotions. Their emotions moved them and it was their confidence in their ability to make a difference that got them to act.

Oliner, the lead researcher of the study describes that confidence as self-sufficiency. It is the belief that you can make a difference.

He described their self-sufficiency as: "the perception of oneself as being able to do something about life's conditions ….. That distinguishes rescuers from non-rescuers. …...factors that influenced were parental interest in the lives and activities of their children, and warm protective, nurturing homes." Parents both respected their children and provided them with solid emotional support.

Therefore rescuers believed they were able to influence events in their lives and therefore the lives of others as well. Non rescuers were not haters it is just that they saw themselves as impotent and passive. They avoided taking responsibility.

This is a lesson to learn about teaching important values to our children or in school.

Make sure to make your child believe they are responsible for themselves. In addition to responsibility for their own personal hygiene and schoolwork it is important to give them responsibilities for chores in the home. It is the first step to learning their responsibility and capability for helping others.

Also remember that your actions speak louder than your words. You are a role model. This is true as a parent or a CEO or Vice President of a company. You cannot tell someone not to smoke if you smoke a pack a day. You can't you're your child or employee to work hard if you work irregular hours.

Remember the famous Ralph W. Emerson quote:
"Who you are speaks so loudly, I can't hear what you are saying".

Dr Mann is a Clinical Psychologist and Business & Personal Coach, who helps parents, adults in transition, and solo business owners achieve positive goals. [email protected]
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