A Jerusalem Post Column
Nov 26, 2010
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When I use the word spirituality …. I mean whatever it is that helps you feel connected to something that is larger than yourself. - Dean Ornish

Recent surveys of religion in the USA indicate that people's affiliation with religion is becoming more diverse and fluid. More than 40% of American adults have left the faith in which they were raised, in favor of another religion or no religion at all. The percentage of young people under the age of 30 who are identifying themselves as unaffiliated with any religion has reached 20%.

Contributing to these changes are the demands of the modern workplace, which often requires extensive travel or frequent re-location. This is a major factor in the breakdown of community, and the continuing emphasis on individual fulfillment. It means individuals put an emphasis on personal fulfillment in their religious experience and leads our children to seek personal unique spiritual experiences.

Dean Hamer in his book "The God Gene" used the concept of spirituality to define those people with the "God gene". These are people who have an inclination for spiritual experiences, which make them more likely to communicate with God and affiliate with a religious faith based community.
There are three characteristics of spiritual people according to Hamer.

Such people have a tendency toward self forgetfulness. Self forgetfulness is the tendency to lose a sense of the self by being immersed in an activity. Often such people are described as absent minded. They forget sense of time and place.

An additional characteristics is a tendency towards mysticism. Mysticism is the fascination of events that seem to happen by chance without a logical or scientific explanation. Such people believe that a chance encounter or an unexpected opportunity is a mystic sign. Whether it is a chance meeting of an old friend on the street or winning the lottery, it is a sign to the "mystical person" from some higher power.

Lastly, most spiritual people have a feeling of self transcendence. They have a sense of connectedness with animals, trees, flowers or mountains. They are quick to experience the feeling of being "one with nature".

Without the positive experience of a meaningful spiritual experience within the established religious community of one's birth, such people are finding a spiritual connection with God in their experience with nature.

Isaac, a student of mine, is an example of this spiritual connection. . He grew up in a Jewish religiously conservative environment and culture in which holidays were celebrated. But, nothing ever inspired him to pursue a religious lifestyle. He felt a lack of spontaneity and connection to God within the confines of his native city temple and religious services.

It was during a summer in college that he decided to join a 10 week cross country Jewish ecological tour. It took no longer than the first morning of the trip, which was leaving from the mountains of Mr. Rainer in Washington, for him to be moved spiritually.

He described that moment as the first time he felt God's presence as being tangible. As he rode home looking over the cascade of mountains, he felt he could now connect to the words of the Psalms, with the new awe he now felt in the presence of God's world.

Since then Isaac has sought out religious experiences that were meaningful and spiritual. These included: teaching Jewish texts on an organic farm, joining religious chanting groups and coming to Jerusalem to study.

There is wonder and beauty in an individual like Isaac finding a meaningful channel to nurture his personal yearning and connection with God. The problem is that spirituality and relationship with God is not exclusively a personal experience. WE have a social communal inclination to share meaningful experiences with others. This is where spirituality meets religion.

Hamer described this as two types of religious practice: intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsically religious people feel the presence of God often and are likely to pray alone as much as they do in their place of worship. They have an inclination to spirituality that Hamer says is genetic.

Yet, not every child has strong spiritual tendencies. Their religious experience may be more characteristic of what he describes as "extrinsic religious experience. " Extrinsic religious practice is more social and communal. It is religious expression of ritual and prayer as a communal experience. Your connection with God is enhanced by sharing and expressing it with other people who feel and believe as you do. Extrinsic religious experience is also less spontaneous and more cognitive. This includes the learning of traditional prescribed rituals, prayers and text.

Much of this "extrinsic religious experience" is taught by religious teachers or by us as parents. It is taught both formally through study and informally through modeling. Formally a child is taught the history, meaning and practice of rituals and text. Informally, a child informally, the child experiences the integrity and grace or, unfortunately, the hypocrisy of religious life through hour actions as parents. How much integrity and real commitment we have, and how much we live an enriched life due to religious values has its impact.

If you are a parent who wants to instill the value of religious life within a religious community to your children, you must remember that how you live your life is more important than what you say or try to teach them. You must "walk the walk and talk the talk". You are their model and actions speak louder than words.

In addition, you need to balance each of your child's unique intrinsic personal spiritual needs and makeup with that of the social and ritual demands of your faith and community. Allow your child to search for their own personal spiritual connection and do not impose religious demands arbitrarily. It is a search you should encourage, while simultaneously identifying opportunities to include them in our broader social religious community.

Dr Mann is a Jerusalem and Tel Aviv based Clinical Psychologist and Certified Life Coach who helps teenagers, adults and executives achieve positive goals.
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