I glance over the medical forms the receptionist handed me a few minutes earlier. There are many different people walking around coming and going I was not interested in what was going on around me. I was busy filling in the papers on the clip board. I was worried I would take too long and be late for my first appointment.

So far I had checked off that I suffer from a mental illness that I take medication mood stabilizers to be precise. I have a thyroid illness my weight fluctuates and I suffer from dry mouth. I check off many other side effects that I suffer as a result of taking medication to be mentally stable.

I finish the checklist I give them in. I am told the dentist has an emergency patient he will be with me shortly. I leaf through several magazines take a drink and wait.

A few years back I would have glanced over the medical forms signed my signature and handed it in. Today it is different I have to know what type of prescriptions could interfere with my meds. I have to priorities what is more important which side effect is worth the pain and which ones have to go. Blood tests monitor some, others I have to use my own judgment and let my physiatrist know what is going on.

The effects can be hourly daily or weekly. Some of these have long term side effects. I know when I weekly fill my pill box there are several mood stabilizers and many other pills and vitamin supplements to help me with the side effects.

Living with an illness that requires medication and close monitoring is a challenge. I see a nutritionist I have a personal trainer and I belong to a gym. I wear glasses all the time. I constantly am drinking to mention a few changes in my life.

The memories of my depressed state the lowliness the emptiness and restless sleep haunt me. The Detailed images are etched in my mind of my manic episodes of too much happening at once. I never want to relieve either experience again.

Thank G-d I am lucky to have access to proper medical help and live in an age where medication is available for my illness. From my experience being on medication for me is a necessary choice, a choice I made with my physiatrist.

I am grateful for the medications I take which allow me to function to my full potential. I feel for me side effects are minor in the big picture being healthy and having serenity is worth it.

The receptionist lightly taps me she smiles and shows me to the door of the dentist office.