You may be asking yourself, "Doesn’t everyone in our community maintain proper boundaries when counseling clients? Who needs boundary violation prevention techniques?
Lately in the news we are experiencing horrifying news , concerning unlicensed therapists & counselors receiving very long prison sentences, prominent Rabbi's being asked to leave their communities, tutors gone wrong, and teachers being accused of abuse. The list is endless.
The range of responses to the accusation of professional boundary violations has filled some with glee, ambivalence, and even horrifying scorn. The boundary violation epidemic we face now is not a simple matter; not everyone understands it, and not everyone clearly abides by ethical standards. However, without ethical boundaries the outcomes are hazardous to each one of us, our families, our communities and our entire nation. The purpose of this article is to suggest a viable solution, not throw stones at particular individuals or institutions.
Boundaries are guidelines, rules and limits that a person creates to identify the responsible, safe, and permissible ways for others to behave, and how the professional will respond when someone steps outside those boundaries. Ethical guidelines are created from a mix of beliefs, opinions, attitudes, past experiences, and social learning, inclusive of religious and secular laws and culture. Boundaries include "physical, mental, psychological, and spiritual guidelines, which involve and protect beliefs, emotions, intuitions and self- esteem.
What is important about maintaining proper boundaries?
Professionals and authority figures need an understanding and clear directive of how, why, when and what's involved in maintaining proper boundaries. They must be educated and acknowledge that inappropriate boundaries are clearly against both government and Jewish law, and we need a means of prevention to prevent inappropriate boundary violations. Sometimes it seems like a grey area, but it's really black and white.
In my opinion, our community is facing a tremendous amount of "profaning G-d’s name," that could be prevented when we learn how to prevent boundary violations. It is a known fact that many Professionals, and Para professionals (Rabbis, teachers and well-meaning individuals) are getting into trouble with surprising frequency. Most people who work with others have a potential to get involved with boundary violations, regardless of their professional status.
Example of a boundary violation can be unintentional, yet involve damage. A patient asked me this week, If everyone transgresses a particular Judaic law, which is punishable by death, and its "normal" in our society that every male does this, why are they all still alive?" I needed to address the statement first, Global thinking is an attempt to justify that something is not a problem. We use terms like always and never, to create a problem when there is none. Another form denial is rationalizing, which is justifying an unacceptable behavior, like "everyone does it". There's also comparison which helps one focus on others to justify behaviors. These are only a few mechanisms that contribute to denial, which is a confused way to think and avoid consequences to destructive behaviors (P. Carnes, Ph.D).
The Shocking Statistics!
Between 10% and 14% of clergy have inappropriate contact with someone other than a spouse while serving their constituents? Seven women on average per congregation are victims of clergy misconduct. This number is significant and disturbing considering the average size of most congregations is between 100 and 700 members (Chaves & Garland, 2010).
The process of restoration, recovery and reconciliation is long...The problem is daunting in terms of sheer numbers of people involved in clergy battling boundary violation misconduct. When there are 600,000 to 750,000 clergy (who are involved with clergy activities) and 10% to 14% are acting out, that is 60,000 to 75,000 individuals who need interventions! (Thoburn & Balswick, 1998).
The Childhood Abuse Fact Sheet, published by Emily M. Douglas & David Finkelhor at the University of New Hampshire suggests that 30% to 40% of girls and 13% of boys experience some form of abuse during childhood. Of the perpetrators, 90% are male, 29%-41% are juveniles. Both categories have some relationship to the victim; 14%-47% are family members or have some relationship with the victim
The Process of Restoration
The most common perpetrators are people who do not present with extreme forms of mental problems. There is hope to improve these statistics. We can help by building a model of prevention, through education, certification and boundary violation prevention. Individuals working with others must learn and re-learn rules, regulations, ethics, and laws governing the work they do. There's very little room for grey area. Human vulnerability sets in when maintenance of proper boundaries are not clearly defined, and cared for. Just like you renew your car registration, your six month dentist visit, and your yearly car inspection, professionals must renew and revisit their professional ethics and boundaries. A contract should be signed, and consequences laid out clearly.
Recently I had the opportunity to train the staff of Sant'e Rehabilitation Center in Texas. I trained the staff on the laws and ethics concerning Jewish clients, their beliefs and culture. While I was there Sant'e offered me a special 3-day course on "Maintaining Proper Boundaries for Professionals." This course is offered to health care and mental health care providers. What I learned was that this course is important for anyone working with any individual, in an authoritative position. This includes doctors, clergy, teachers, tutors, camp personnel, principals, dorm counselors, volunteers, lay leaders and their organizational staffs.
Boundary Violation Prevention
The course was created to promote safety sensitive positions for those who attend. The course’s intention is to provide knowledge concerning ethical and legal issues. Tasks are to help individuals clearly identify "high risk situations" and understand their positions to create a clear and accurate "here and now" judgments as to not act on a potential unhealthy boundary violation. Absolute definitions are drawn up to not violate a person’s boundaries, whether you are working with children, clients, patients, students, or congregants.
The learning objectives are to:
Identify unethical / unlawful litigation able boundary violations and discuss and identify behaviors and situations where authority staff is most vulnerable to inappropriate involvements with clients, students, and subordinates.
The course is designed to teach strategies to avoid high risk situations and ethical dilemmas which can lead a person in charge to feel vulnerable and crossing a boundary.
The course helps an attendee recognize high risk individuals and identify how to avoid problematic situations in the future. It sets out clear methods to safeguard offices, staff, boards, and treatment settings.
The Torah’s Stance
The Torah maintains a solid stance on boundary violations. Our entire Torah has many rules, fences and ethics on how to avoid getting caught up in boundary complications. Chazal, the sages, in their great wisdom created Hilchos Yichud, (laws of seclusion / modesty) fulfilling their dictum in the opening words of Pirkei Avos(1:1), "Build a protective fence around the Torah.". The laws of Yichud prohibit seclusion of a man and a woman, in a closed room or a closed house. As long as a man and a woman cannot be seen by other people and they are not afraid of intrusion this law applies.
Imagine a Rabbi wrote a letter to his children to explain boundary violations. It reads, "My dear son, Did you notice in our house that when I counsel women there is a glass door in my office so anyone can see?" According to the laws of confidentiality in therapy this would also be a violation of confidentiality. So here we see, even while instructing other parents in how to speak to their children would be in a violation of New York State’s Board of Professional Ethics. As Orthodox Jews we follow Jewish Law and Dina D’Malchusa Dina (Secular Law).
As Jews, we must follow the law of the land. While there are governments laws as well as Torah laws we can learn from both.
In his article "Confronting Abuse in the Orthodox Community," Rabbi Yosef Blau states, "Despite awareness and concern no consensus has yet emerged. Rabbis are not trained to recognize abuse nor given an approach to aid them in responding when they realize that this is occurring." This is beginning to change through the leadership efforts of Torah Umesorah to train principals how to react to accusations against staff. On the other hand, according to Blau, "Rabbinical organizations do not have rules of appropriate conduct. Accused abusers retain memberships in these organizations without process to remove their names."
Furthermore, an activist advises parents to read, "How to help children understand perpetrators who commit crimes in leadership positions." He explains that when Governor Spitzer cheated on his wife, and became a public embarrassment of violating his marital boundary, he states, "my dear son this would not happen to Mommy and I because as your father, you know Daddy and mommy love and respect, one another."
Here again is another form of the lack of education that parents and children would need to learn. The Torah has strict laws concerning adultery, set out in the Ten Commandments, as well as "man cannot covet someone else's wife." A child can learn early on from parent’s advice that there are boundaries, laws and rules which must be abided by.
Reb Azarya says, "Everything GD delays HIS reaction except immorality, therefore there are consequences to these behaviors." The offense is punishable by the death penalty. There is also the marriage contract to consider which is signed by all parties with witnesses. These are just a few of the important take home messages; We are not always in love, yet we are in committed relationships. Emotions and feelings may vary from life's ongoing motion. Yet as healthy adults we realize that we must think through our emotions and use our intellect, to control our behaviors. We do not act on emotions, themselves. In the Shema it speaks of love, you shall love, speaking to the feeling one has for G-D, the next words are I command you, it means we were to recognize the Torah and the commandments, with a refreshment of everyday which its intent of loyalty and habit concerning the laws and the writing of the Torah, as if G-d has given it that very day. Love and commandments, are seen as a pair.
Guarding Your Eyes and Tongue
We have many other guarding virtues, such as guarding our eyes, preventing us from the danger of looking at inappropriate materials. We guard our speech from gossip, dirty language, and abusive speech, as to not hurt others. We have many laws, for the prevention of danger, "You shall not stand aside while your brother blood is being shed (Vayikra 19:16) which prohibits standing idly by and not rescuing a fellow Jew, who is in danger (Sanhedrin 73a Chosen Mishpat 426). This mitzvah applies not just to mortal danger but to any situation in which a Jew is threatened with any significant misfortune (Zera Chaim, Hilchos Rechilos 9:1 and Hilchos Olam ch 3 fn. Alef). It also states anyone who rescues even one Jew from harm is considered to have preserved an entire world (Sanhedrin 37A). These are just a few examples of how the importance and clear cut boundaries and rules determine our clear cut behaviors.
Creating a New Awareness for Prevention
The basis of this article is to create a new awareness, not to judge or compare. It's a means of prevention, a model of reviewing boundaries, and incorporating them into your practices. In light of current events in terms of abuse, fake licensures, inappropriate adult leadership, we can recognize the etiology of these problems. Whether or not a boundary violation is well intended or not is for GD to judge. All the same, when you break a boundary, you have violated both civil and religious law, whether intentionally or unintentionally, all resulting in damage.
It personally breaks my spirit to hear Jew against Jew, in any form of news, radio and newspapers. We have organizations, publicly denouncing and debating, some even judging. But where is the prevention in putting a stop to the actual events. I am suggesting that anyone working with individuals in our communities, whether they be a therapist, Doctor, kiruv worker, domestic violence volunteer, volunteers for cancer victims, be mandated to take a boundary workshop, not just for CME's and CEU's but in order to refresh and validate their responsibility in working with fellow human beings.
As stated previously, anyone in a more powerful authoritative position can be vulnerable to crossing another person’s boundary. Misconduct is a result of a mismanagement and misunderstanding of the power differential between, "worker and other." In the medical world a physician is ALWAYS held responsible for any professional misconduct, regardless of who provoked it (Ethics and Boundaries, John, Reference committee, APA, 2004).
Personal misconduct can be a violation of interpersonal boundaries. These violations can be verbal, emotional, physical and privacy issues. This also includes manipulation and harassment. It should be noted here that the highest amount of trauma is emotional abuse of a child.
Denial Is Not a River in Egypt
There are many forms of denial. Concerning universal issues of boundary violations, some of these distortions, are fear, poor self boundaries, lack of responsibility, and denial that a problem exists. There is also an overwhelming sense of shame and guilt and secrecy shading boundary issues and violations.
Imagine how you feel when a policeman pulls you over, and magnify that times a million. Sometimes when a person in charge experiences trauma they form a trauma bond or reenactment of the trauma with another person. For others there's an addictive quality to their behaviors. There are others who fall under the theory of living a double life. Boundary violators are also people who may have poor attachment issues or they may be disassociating. That would not really sanctify their behaviors.
Risks
People who grow up with absent role models never had anyone to follow or turn to for advice or ask questions. Supervision can be educationally, psychologically, parental, rabbinical, a mean of an authority figure to look up to.
Many times parents ASSUME that a professional or authority figure shares the same feelings as they do, which may be not true or correct. It's important to check in with the child. There are many reasons why we need to attend a Boundary and Ethics
Violation class, the main one is to not hurt others or ourselves or our community. There are also many reasons you may not want to learn about your responsibility in maintaining boundaries.
Is It Better To Not Know or To Prevent Boundary Violations
Those in authority positions may not want to relinquish control; there is grandiosity, and a manipulation of rules, a sort of intellectualization that may be holding one back from the immediacy of this intervention. The discussion of one’s feelings and needs become transparent, this gives an attendee fear of exposure to learning, the "right way to act, morally, legally and ethically". There is also a fear of disapproval of peers, colleagues and institutions, which one does not want to be affiliated with.
I am convinced that we have come up with a sturdy means of preventing boundary violations. If we use these examples alluded to here, we can help ourselves, subordinates, and our entire community get a healthy perspective on what authority figures should or should not do in a given situation. We are all aware that boundaries define and contain relationships. They protect us and those we work for and with. Boundaries help us direct our lives.
When we do what is correct in a given situation we are seen as a sanctification of GD’s name; a light onto the nations.
By working on our boundaries while volunteering, working, teaching, directing we are securing healthy relationships with others. We are reflecting on our values, examine our emotions, and judging our knowledge to make accurate decisions. There is no better time to start then now. Instead of pointing the fingers back and forth, I suggest that we have a uniform "boundary violation contract with signature, following a course be in action. As the education system has finger printing, the Department of Motor vehicles has licensing, this will be one method of educating our community, with better outcomes for our future.
Zeva Adler-Citronenbaum is a licensed clinical social worker with offices in Monsey, NY. and a director of a non-profit Association with a Task Force for Families and Children at Risk. She has been in practice for 26 years specializing in trauma and addiction with individuals, families and couples. She is presently offering a workshop for preventing professional boundary violations in the Jewish Community. For more information she can be reached at 914-646-3164, email at [email protected] or visit her website at http://saveoursouls.ws.