You see a disheveled person asking for tzedakka: Is he an alcoholic or drug addict, or just a person down on his luck and in need of a helping hand? Your friend asks you to help him find a job, but to tell the truth, you don’t think your friend is responsible or reliable. Do you offer assistance blindly or do you candidly tell him why you think he doesn’t have the right attitude for successful employment? A young woman whom you k …
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Improving your marriage relationship is a lifelong journey. Someone who believes that a good healthy marriage does not take constant dedication and work is at best settling for mediocrity, and at worst heading for disaster. In this article, we will discuss the 10 biggest relationship mistakes that people make. These are ideas that come from research and studies about how to maintain successful marriages and our own twenty years of experience as therapists. Mistake #1: Keeping Score And Bearing A Grudge.
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According to psychoanalytic theory, emotional disconnection can be dangerous. When people deny their innermost negative feelings, instead of protecting themselves from their impulses, they may be doubly in danger of acting out on them. If powerful feelings are repressed, they may burst out in a less controlled fashion at another time. Although this is a gross oversimplification, it can be understood via a simple metaphor of a boiler that has a safety valve. If the pressure builds up, it can be released in a controlled manner. However, without the safety valve, while the boiler may be able to contain the mounting pressure for an extended period of time, it will eventually blow up.
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By Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW The proper and meaningful study of Midrashim is in general a vastly unexplored area of learning. In addition, Midrashim are a great opportunity for reaching all students, intellectually and emotionally. Unfortunately, Midrashim are often relegated to the status of Jewish fairy tales told to entertain children without any thought being given to their deep meanings. Midrashim have been explai …
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by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW From time to time we encounter parents who are under a combination of psychological stressors such as mental health difficulties, sholom bayis challenges, financial stress, and personal temperament that makes it highly inadvisable for them to have more children. However, sometimes because of what could be misdirected laced piety, these parents continue to have more and more children, causin …
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by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW Sruly and Shani have been fighting like cats and dogs for years. When they came to us, Shani said, "I know that we should discuss our disagreements in a respectful and calm manner, but somehow we can't stop fighting." Sruly told us, "We really do love each other, but when our buttons get pushed we just lose control." Shani said, "Sometimes when I am screaming, it is like I am on a runaway …
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There are some people in the course of their 12 step work who find connecting to G-d via kneeling to be an important part of their recovery. There is a degree of cultural inhibition regarding kneeling for Jewish people, as this is not our customary form of worship. Below is an analysis of the pertinent halachic issues. The verse states in Vayikra 26:1 "…and a Maskis stone shall not be placed in your land to bow upon it." The definition of …
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Gottman's Science Based Tools for Successful Marriage Everyone has an opinion about what makes a good marriage. However, one researcher took a novel approach to figuring out what really works. Instead of making up ideas and then testing them, John Gottman set out to observe couples and study what communication styles the successful couples had and what defective patterns where present in the unhappy couples. He invited couples to be observed on …
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"He just not a mensch", said his Rosh Yeshiva, using this one statement to explain everything. "I don't know if you can do anything for such a person." When we hear statements such as that, our hearts sink. You know it's going to be a difficult treatment process when even the fellow's Rosh Yeshiva is not able to say anything positive or optimistic about him. Whether it is individual therapy, couples therapy or family therapy, the most challengin …
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Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW The matter of shidduchim is challenging for everyone involved. Feelings of insecurity and anxiety can run amok. Will you find the right person for you child? Is your family good enough? Is anyone good enough for your child? When a family enters into the shidduch world, it is a culmination of years of chinuch, and most likely, generations of family emotional process. Though marrying off a child …
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Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R [email protected] 718 793-1376 Published in the Jewish Press, March 24 - Section F3 We all are aware that the complete freedom, anonymity and access offered by the internet presents a major temptation and require constant vigilance. However, most people do not realize the extent of the problem or the numbers of individuals living double-lives, feeling tormented and wracked by guilt and shame from their on-line …
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by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW Borderline Personality Disorder is an emotionally painful and debilitating mental illness that wreaks havoc on the lives of individuals, marriages and families. Its main symptoms are extreme emotional states, stormy interpersonal relationships and self-destructive or violent behavior. However, these same individuals can be charming, passionate and highly intelligent with compartmentalized …
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by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW Psychotherapists Dear Readers, Below is a copy of letter sent to us from a person who suffered during her school years. She sent this letter to her school, but also asked that we publish it anonymously in order to sensitize teachers and school administrators about the many challenges that children often silently endure. "Dear Principal, My name is _________ and I was a student at your scho …
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