Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman, LMHC

We know that Hashem cares about us and listens to us.  Hashem knows what each of us needs, and has the ability to give us everything we want.  As we approach the Yomim Noraim, we remind ourselves that Hashem takes note of everything we say and do and even what we think.   We express this in the words of the dovening, y’malei mishalos libeinu, “may You fulfill the requests that are in our hearts,” and the words of the prophet, terem yikra-u va’ ani eshma, “before you call out, I hear you.”  Hashem hears (so to speak) our desires before we put them into words.

It would seem unnecessary to express our praise, thanks, or requests in the form of spoken prayers since Hashem already knows the praises, appreciation, and desires of our hearts.  Yet Chazal teach us that Hashem desires our prayers.  While we cannot understand that in a literal sense, we can attempt to understand what it means to us, what message it conveys.

There are messages in every tefila we say, in every word of praise, thanks, and request that we utter.   Hashem already knows the message before we enunciate it.  But the act of speaking the prayer sends a message to us.  It speaks to us and changes how we speak to Hashem.  It adds a second dimension to the concept of “heartfelt prayer.”

What praises do we feel in our hearts?  What is the depth of appreciation for what Hashem has provided to us?  Do we really know what our heart desires?  In the peak moments of our lives, under the chuppa, at the birth of a child, at a bris or a daughter’s kiddush, our hearts are full and our prayers heartfelt.   We are moved to express praise for Hashem’s awesome acts of kindness, and appreciation for the brachos we have received.  We are taught that at such times of Hashem’s beneficence, it is appropriate to express our wants and needs.  In these peak moments, we feel and know what our heart desires and our tefilos of praise, thanksgiving, and request are heartfelt, they come from the heart.  That’s one dimension of the term heartfelt, and it describes our prayer in the peak moments of our lives.

Most of us spend most of our lives on plateaus.  Peak moments are wonderful, inspiring, and rare.  But the wonder is fleeting, the inspiration short-lived.  Even when the rare event takes us to a new level of spirituality that we are able to sustain, that new level becomes the norm, it becomes ordinary.  We plateau, and await a new peak experience to help us grow again. 

Until we learn how to be inspired by the ordinary, to grow in awe and appreciation for what has become the norm.  This is the second dimension of heartfelt prayer.  To express praise and speak words of thanks every day for nothing special.  Except that it’s all special, and every time we say it, we speak not only to Hashem, but to our hearts.  We teach our hearts to feel.  We train our hearts to be sensitive to the gifts and wonders of what we call ordinary only because we forget how extraordinary Hashem’s gift of every day, every person, every child, every one of us, truly is.  This is the second dimension of heartfelt prayer; prayer that teaches our hearts to feel. 

Chazal tell us that our hearts can be molded by our actions.   For example, the miserly heart can become generous by repeated acts of giving.  The key word here is “repeated.”  The Rambam and others make the point that to give a large sum of charity all at once does not have the same effect on the nature of the donor as giving small amounts repeatedly.  (Rambam on Mishna Avos 3:18 hacohl l’fi rov hamaaseh; Orchos Tzadikim shaar ha-n’divus quoted in Shulchan Aruch haMidos page 51)  To perform a peak act of tzedaka is wonderful and may even be inspirational to those who witness it.  It may stir them to similar acts of magnanimity.   But to stir the soul of the donor, to change him from a person who sometimes gives charity into a charitable person, takes repetition.

The theme of selichos and the Yomim Noraim is teshuva, to affirm our awareness and acceptance of Hashem as our King and to return to our proper role in His service.   The tefilos of selichos and the Yomim Noraim are stirring, awakening our hearts to truly feel the desire to do teshuva, to restore, and strengthen our commitment to Hashem.   For many of us, the Yomim Noraim dovening is a peak experience that awakens our hearts.   One of the mechanisms of that dovening is repetition.  How many times do we say the Yud Gimel Middos?  How many times do we repeat our praises, our thanks, and humbly ask for life and health, prosperity and peace?   We know that Hashem heard us the first time.  Hashem heard us before we spoke. 

Yet Chazal teach us that Hashem, ka’viyachol, desires our prayers.  Perhaps Hashem desires our prayers for what they tell us, how they affect us.  Perhaps Hashem wants us to notice how much He cares, to feel in our hearts the extraordinary love that Hashem gives us between the peak moments as much as during them.   Peak moments, dramatic events, impress us.  Repetition changes us. 

Some of us began to say selichos at the beginning of Elul.  All of us began to sound the shofar.  The season of teshuva continues at least until through Hoshana Rabba, more than a month and a half.   How many times do we have to say these tefilos of teshuva?   Why can’t we just have a major day of teshuva, a peak teshuva experience?  Why some much repetition?

Because teshuva is not something to do once a year.  It’s what we want to become all year long.  The Hebrew term says it well.  Chozair b’teshuva.  Not chozaar b’teshuva, one who has done teshuva.   Rather, Chozair b’tehuva, to be someone who does teshuva, who continually feels in his heart the desire to be closer and closer to Hashem.  A heartfelt desire born of repeated expressions of praise, thanks, and requests that acknowledge that everything comes from Hashem.  

The repetition changes us, and we grow during the ordinary times between the peak moments because we come to feel in our hearts how extraordinary every moment is.  Repetition trains our hearts to feel Hashem’s love and want to be closer, every day.   How many times?  As many times as it takes to acknowledge all that Hashem gives.  More than we can do in a lifetime.

May our tefilos for ourselves, our children, and klal Yisrael be accepted by Hashem, and may we always be Hashem’s nachas.

Rabbi Yitzchak Shmuel Ackerman is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with specialties in marriage, relationships, and parenting.  He works with parents and educators, and conducts parenting groups for men and women.  He can be reached at 718-344-6575.