Dear Therapist:
I am a working mother of 6 beautiful children boruch Hashem, and I am dealing with the regular life stresses that come from parnassah, shalom bayis, and running a family etc. A friend of mine suggested something called "mindfulness" as a way to help me ease the stress. I have looked into it and am wondering if this is something that is used by the frum therapists? Also, do I need to actually see a therapist who is trained in this (for which I have no time or money or time) or is this something that I can effectively learn and do on my own?
Thank you.
Response:
As far as I know, there is no official “mindfulness” therapy. As such, the term has inconsistent and sometimes vague definitions. Probably the most common form of mindfulness training is mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT). Since this falls under the umbrella of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) which is a very commonly used modality, it has been used by many therapists including myself.
There are various other forms of therapy that include a mindfulness component. Typically, mindfulness refers to a focus on thoughts and feelings (and sometimes actions), with the goal of better understanding and accepting them. The idea is to help the person separate from emotion-thought-behavior patterns that prevent them from breaking free from the vicious cycles that these create.
Generally speaking, mindfulness is only one of the tools within a particular therapy modality that a therapist would use. Depending on the situation, many additional tools can be used to complement the effects of mindfulness. Additionally, an eclectic therapist might use various modalities, thereby tweaking the use of mindfulness depending on which is being used at the time.
If you have normal stress levels and simply want to manage your stress in a better way, there are many books and online resources through which you can train yourself to become more mindful of your thoughts and feelings. As with many things, repetition is key. Once you find a strategy that works for you, be sure to set aside a specified amount of time on a daily basis to practice it.
If you feel that you can benefit from personalized guidance, a therapist should be able to help you to identify a few areas and strategies that you would practice on your own. This might take only two or three sessions—which might be covered by your health insurance policy.
-Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
psychotherapist in private practice
Brooklyn, NY
author of Self-Esteem: A Primer
www.ylcsw.com / 718-258-5317
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