December 2, 2016

Dear Therapist:

My son's Menahel called us in for a meeting. He said that while our 7th grade son is smart and has friends, he acts chutzpadig and doesn't listen to authority. The menahel said that he thinks our son has ODD and gave us the number to a (costly) therapist. Do we really need a therapist for.this? Isn't this a regular kid who misbehaves that for generations parents and schools found some way to deal with. Must everything become a label and a diagnosis?

Response:

Without knowing the details of your son’s behavior in school, it’s difficult to determine the necessity of bringing in a therapist.  Very often a child’s behavior at home does not reflect his behavior in school.  Some kids are models of good behavior at home, while in school they act out (or vice-versa).  This can be due to various factors, like respect for parents, fear of being punished at home, or some issue in school.

Regardless, in his capacity as your son’s principal, the menahel should not be suggesting diagnoses.  If he has a problem with your son’s behavior, that is what he should be discussing—the behavior, not his theoretical diagnosis.  As to his recommendation of the costly therapist, this may be due to his experience with this therapist’s results. 

My suggestion is to have another meeting with the menahel once you have prepared the questions that you feel are important to have answered.  Some of these questions might be: “When did the chutzpadig behavior begin?”  “Is there a specific time of day or week that my son exhibits inappropriate behavior?”  “Is there a particular member of the faculty to whom this behavior is addressed, or is it more general?”  “Is there a common factor associated with the behavior, like being among a specific group or being in a particular situation?”  “What are the specific types of problematic behavior?”  “What steps has the school taken to address the problem, and what have the results been?”  “What made you recommend this particular therapist?”  

Assuming that the menahel is able to properly answer these questions, you should then have a much better understanding of the situation, and some of the issues that you raised might be resolved.  You would then be able to make a more informed decision as to whether more can be done in school or at home, or whether a therapist is a good idea.  If you do decide to have your son see a therapist, there are referral agencies, like Relief Resources, that can help you to decide which therapist would be right for him.

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