Dear Therapist:
My son is in his early teens and has been struggling emotionally for a while now. We’re considering therapy to help with his anxiety and frustration, but there’s an added complication—he also has a language delay and has trouble expressing himself clearly, especially when it comes to his emotions.
He’s intelligent and very sensitive, but when something’s bothering him, he often can’t find the words to explain it. I’m worried that this will make it hard for a therapist to really connect with him or understand what’s going on.
Can psychotherapy still be effective for someone with language challenges? Are there certain approaches that work better in situations like this?
Response:
You identify a specific concern that you feel may make it difficult for a therapist to connect with your son—his trouble expressing himself. But your question can be viewed more broadly. There are many different kinds of communication challenges. In addition, people differ in personality, culture, depth, introspection, thought processes, and so on.
A broader version of your question might be: Can a therapist connect with my son as a person? That question could—and really should—be asked by anyone considering therapy. Some people may assume that all therapists are essentially the same, and that all therapy follows the same path. But most of us recognize that no two therapists are alike, and no two therapy processes unfold in exactly the same way.
You’re specifically concerned about your son’s ability to communicate clearly with a therapist. Do you have similar concerns about how he relates to friends, relatives, teachers, or others? If so, you’ve likely found that the quality of his connections varies depending on the relationship. Why should therapy be any different?
Despite the AI revolution, most therapists are still human! In fact, research continues to affirm that the greatest predictor of success in therapy is the client-therapist relationship. Above all, a therapist should be able to show their human side. That’s why old-school, clinical doctor-patient dynamics are increasingly being replaced by relationships based on connection, understanding, and genuineness.
You're absolutely right to wonder whether your son will connect with a therapist—just as anyone should. One idea is to have him speak with a few recommended therapists by phone to get a sense of their personalities and see if there's a spark of understanding or connection. Choosing one doesn't mean committing long-term. If the connection clearly isn’t there, then that therapist isn’t the right fit.
Finding the right therapist is sometimes a bit of a process. But helping your son find someone he genuinely clicks with—someone who “gets” him—can make all the difference, and is well worth the effort.
-Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
psychotherapist in private practice
Woodmere, NY
adjunct professor at Touro University
Graduate School of Social Work
author of Self-Esteem: A Primer
www.ylcsw.com / 516-218-4200
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