Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 19th, 2024

Questioning the Wanderer As a therapist, I often ponder what to ask when. Even the very first question we ask as a client comes in for their first session becomes a professional issue as I try to identify what message each question sends. How can I help empower a client from the get-go?   In this week's parsha, when Yosef was sent to visit his brothers and didn’t find them, the Torah tells us he wandered in the field. He met a man …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 11th, 2024

Joy or Despair I prefer a simple life. Meanings are easy to discern, events fit in nicely with my weltanschauung, there are no visible threats to my existence and in general I am feeling good about life. All too often, though, life throws me a curveball. Events happen that aren't always so easy to decipher. There may be too many options/ angles with which to understand an event, my ego may get in the way and there may be some threa …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 3rd, 2024

Fourth Time a Charm or Alone vs. Lonely In Israel, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the parallel phrase to “third time a charm” was “third time, ice cream.” Most people I know never actually bought or got ice cream even though the phrase is widely used. But it is at least brings a smile to peoples' faces.   We have noted in these pages before how careful/stingy the Torah is with its words. Very often the rabbi …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 25th, 2024

Pain in a Vacuum – Parshat Toledot I admit I’ve never been pregnant. I don’t understand the discomfort of carrying a living moving person in my belly for nine months nor the joy of hosting a new life within. So when I read in this week’s parsha of Rivka’s pregnancy of twins and the difficulty she had with all the jockeying for position that went on inside,1 all I can do is try to understand her situation. But what is …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 15th, 2021

The Right Way – Parshat Vaeira   We find ourselves in a moral dilemma at times when we have two moral values that conflict. Is there always a correct course to choose? When there is enough money left at the end of the month for either a special treatment for an elderly parent or a tutor for a child with ADD, how do you choose? Can I allow for the perception of "how others view me" to become a consideration? I was actually surprised in …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 8th, 2021

Be a Mensch! – Parshat Shemot Without being sexist, this phrase simply implores the individual to be an upright, responsible individual with civility and humility – no matter male or female  - who doesn’t stand idly by while others suffer. Although I did consider using "Be a Man", I decided that the title itself might keep people away. In addition, the word Mensch implies infinitely more than the word "man". (I add a tip of …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 18th, 2020

Don’t Be Yourself – Parshat Miketz Isn’t that backwards? Don’t you mean "be yourself"? Well, kinda. You're right, too. We are always talking about being your authentic YOU. As Kierkegaard said: “Don’t despair at wanting to become your authentic self.”1 So make up my mind…be yourself…don’t be yourself. What to do? And what do you mean anyway "don’t be yourself"? When Yosef was ca …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 11th, 2020

Here I Am! – Parshat Vayeshev Let's do this! What a bold statement! People who are aware of the import of what is about to happen, can feel pumped by the anticipation of what they are doing. They can also be filled with fear and trepidation. How do we then find clarity?  This is highlighted by a difficulty in Rashi pointed out by the great teacher, Prof. Nechama Leibowitz, z"l. Yosef was just asked to visit his brothers and see how the …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 4th, 2020

The Struggle's the Thing – Parshat Vayishlach Nobody likes struggling. Well, maybe not "nobody" but many of us anyway. It's nice to just view a sunset, have your morning coffee or spend time with friends. Struggle is unpleasant, frustrating and simply not my favorite word. In this week's parsha, Yaakov finds himself struggling against a mysterious stranger.1 There are numerous questions regarding this story, ranging from why Yaakov was alon …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 25th, 2020

Is Life Really Empty? – Parshat Haazinu We've gone through the past seven months of COVID-19 at times asking ourselves the question of meaning. Some people have lost their livelihood, some have suffered from lingering aftereffects while others have lost family and friends. Is there meaning behind all this? Is it perhaps all meaningless suffering? Throughout the LogoParsha blog, we talk about logotherapy (literally: healing through meaning) …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 22nd, 2020

A Truly Happy Year – Rosh Hashanah  What a year it has been. Sadness, anger, rioting, mourning, politics, division, wildfires and more. Oh, yes….and Corona. To be fair, there have also been weddings, births, promotions and other good things that have happened this year. Rosh Hashanah is considered the yearly Day of Judgment and we pray that the judgment for the coming year will be favorable based on the good things that we and o …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 11th, 2020

Responsible or "Response-able" – Parshat Nitzavim-Vayelech I love word games. "Dad jokes" are funny – okay, maybe not, but at least witty. "How do you call a bee that can’t easily make up its mind? A maybe."1 (is that a groan I hear?) I'm lucky, as well, to be interested in a school of human ontology/psychology/existentialism/motivation whose founder liked word play as well. We can even use it in this week's parsha. There may b …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 7th, 2020

Happy by Choice – Parshat Ki Tavo We all want to be happy. You know how I know? From all the ads for programs on how to be happy. And many of them are quite successful. Even the American Declaration of Independence, proclaims the right to pursue happiness as an inalienable right of all humanity. I know I want to be happy. In a negative sense, the Torah describes the importance of happiness. This week's parsha, seems to say that "The Rebuke" …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 26th, 2020

Faithful to Yourself – Parshat Shofetim   I love reviewing the parsha. I would like to believe that even if there were no requirement to read it every week, I would still do it, but I can't believe that I would. So, I am thankful that Chazal expects us to review the parsha weekly. It also gives me a chance to notice new ways of looking at the content, some of which have quite opened my eyes. A few years back, I wrote about this verse f …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 7th, 2020

Potential – Parshat Ekev Some people notice everything that goes on around them. Others have a tendency to be so wrapped up in what's going on, they notice less about what is going on. I am somewhere in the middle though with a tendency to notice more than less. So, when I see the following idea expressed by the Netziv, I wonder how come I never saw it before.  The Torah has three mitzvot that include loving - loving God, loving your …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 31st, 2020

Frustration – Parshat Vaetchanan We all want to feel good all the time. We also know that stuff happens and our sense of stability is threatened. We often try to ignore this knowledge and live our lives "as if". We make plans, we invest time, energy and money based on dreams of how we wish to see our future. There are business plans and personal development programs that encourage us to see a few years down the line and build our present l …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 24th, 2020

Untitled – Parshat Devarim Just a short idea and can't decide on a title. What I've come up with so far, just isn’t quite right. (if you get any ideas, please let me know) The judges, whose appointment is discussed in this week's parsha, are reminded that they should be good, honest and fair judges for, after all, the judgment belongs to God.1 Well, isn’t that kind of obvious? If these judges are dealing with Jewish law, do they …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 18th, 2020

42 – Parshat Matot-Masei No, this is not a blog on "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy".1 Imagine - there are other times that the number 42 appears. For instance, the only uniform number that is permanently retired in Major League Baseball is the number 42, the number that Jackie Robinson wore. It is also the atomic number of the element Molybdenum. Even so, with a tip of the hat to all Douglas Adams fans, I would like to touch on t …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 10th, 2020

Dilemmas – Parshat Pinchas Sometimes I just hate dilemmas. They force me to choose between different options. And some of them aren’t so pleasant. You must have heard of the phrase 'between a rock and a hard place'. Some options are really unpleasant. And when you have two unpleasant options, then you're really going to suffer the choice. Rashi in this week's parsha, Parshat Pinchas alludes to this. Back when the sun and moon were cr …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 26th, 2020

Search for Simple Answers – Parshat Chukat Wouldn’t it be great if life had simple answers to even the most complex questions? It would be easier to bear the burdens of suffering and anguish. After all, if Despair is, according to Doctor Viktor Frankl, Suffering without Meaning (D=S-M), then if we could assign meaning to our suffering, we would be spared all that despair and anguish.1 We know that stuff happens. Our question is always …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 5th, 2020

Feeling Ignored – Parshat Behaalotecha We all want to feel part. Even as a kid, I remember when we were choosing teams, I always wanted to be chosen. I also remember what it was like NOT to be on the team – either team. My parents tried to make sure that my needs weren’t ignored either. But sometimes certain groups are chosen. And others are left behind. Or it could even be being passed over for a promotion at work. It can be a …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 28th, 2020

Mindfulness and Mindful – Parshat Naso* Mindfulness is one of the big buzz words nowadays. Learning to hear our own selves and our own voices, emotions and wishes is an important part of growth. But has this direction pushed out the concept of being mindful? Has being aware of one's self cancelled the ability to be mindful of others and their needs? How sensitive do we need to be to others in the face of our own needs? The reading of t …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 22nd, 2020

You Can Always Dance – Parshat Bamidbar  Much has been written about the challenges facing the human race during this corona episode. We are slowly and hesitatingly coming out of lockdown and seeing if we will be able to retain the lowering of the curve. I certainly join with those praying for the welfare of the entire human race in stemming the outbreak of this virus. These challenges relate to us no matter our socio-economic status, …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 15th, 2020

Regaining Lost Worth – Parshat Behar-Bechukotai No matter how long the first 8 innings of a baseball game last, or what the score is, there is always a sense of anticipation entering the ninth inning. Will the losing team make a comeback? After all, there have been teams who scored 7 runs in the bottom of the ninth to win a game. There is always a buildup to the end. As Yogi Berra was quoted as saying, "it aint over til its over." The end o …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 8th, 2020

So What is Logotherapy? Parshat Emor I have been writing this blog for about 5 years always succeeding (sometime more sometimes less) to find a passuk which sheds light on our own particular paths to meaning. Each blog has a thought, idea, revelation from the weekly parsha which also resonates closely with the work of Doctor Viktor Frankl and logotherapy. Yet I just realized that I have never put forth even a basic explanation of the fundamental …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 17th, 2020

 Routinely Changing Routine - Parshat Shemini It's just a flu. It's also a lot more. The coronavirus has challenged many assumptions – societal, personal, political, economic and more. It has challenged people who have experienced social distancing in so many ways. Some people have lost their livelihood and at this point no one can say when it will return. Due to this, some have for the first time in their lives had to ask for financia …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 7th, 2020

Cleaning House - Pesach I'm trying to write this blog without discussing the corona virus. I've already failed. I have been surprised by how much this virus has imposed itself not only on our physical health but on our mental health, our financial health and our societal health. Life goes on. We are preparing for Pesach while trying to maintain our sanity and mental health as well (which is enough of a challenge during a regular year). There are …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 1st, 2020

Learning from Isolation – Parshat Tzav Many are bemoaning the government-imposed isolation during these days of COVID-19. "It isn’t fair. It won't help. It's too hard. How will I manage with the kids? In White Russia they're not doing it." There is so much conversation, confusion and convoluted conspiracy theories flying around that it is hard to make sense and get answers to the real questions and concerns we have. Isolation is perha …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 27th, 2020

Corona's Creative Calling – Parshat Vayikra OR Yes I'm Writing About Corona When we want to start a conversation with someone, we usually call them first to get their attention. We call their name, we ring their telephone, we send an email or any other of a now-myriad of methods to contact someone. When we get the person's attention, then we can start talking whether to deliver a message, get some information or simply to connect with someo …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 19th, 2020

From Social Isolation to Togetherness – Parshat Vayakhel-Pekudei It would be an understatement to say that these are trying times. A tiny virus measured in nanometers has created a pandemic. People around the world are in self-quarantine. People around the world have gotten sick. And, yes, people around the world have died from this virus. It is a somber time. We live with a sense of uncertainty as to our fate, the fate of our communit …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 13th, 2020

A Corona Wedding – Parshat Ki Tissa Or Sports as a Corona Metaphor The current outbreak of COVID–19, better known as coronavirus, has caused a lot of concern, anxiety and uncertainty. This virus has become the main topic of conversation – even outperforming sports and politics. How we behave on a personal level during this outbreak says more about us than it does about how the governments are handling the crisis. After all, as s …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 6th, 2020

Upside-down Shaatnez – Parshat Tetzaveh Have you ever had a time where what you thought about a topic turned out to be the opposite of what you thought? Like when Pluto stopped being a planet or when you found out that a baseball team was caught cheating. Or in a positive direction, you may have thought that all cancer couldn’t be cured and found out that there are cancers which react well to treatment. I had that kind of experience w …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 28th, 2020

Can Humans be Divine? - Parshat Terumah (Shemot 25:1-27:19) Some concepts I just don’t understand. The idea of God fitting himself into a Mishkan is beyond my ability to understand. And I'm actually okay with that. I know that there are things which I don’t understand. Im not talking about calculus either, although maybe even that. This concept is much higher. But it is really okay (mostly). So what’s the deal with the Mishkan? …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 21st, 2020

Conformity. Good or Bad? – Parshat Mishpatim      Isn’t conformism another way of saying that majority rules? Is it then really that bad? Our democratic institutions are based on that ideal. But is it always true? How about individualism? Conformism, says Doctor Viktor Frankl,is often an outgrowth of what he calls Existential Vacuum.1 Is that a new concept in physics or an electrical appliance? Obviously not. Let m …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 31st, 2020

The Real Plague of Darkness – Parshat Bo There have been times while writing this blog when I was concerned that perhaps a time would come when I would no longer see new ideas to write about in the parsha. Thankfully, I have been surprised over and over to the point where I feel that I am led to believe that I will never run out of topics from the parsha to share. During the plague of darkness, the Torah tells us that it was soooo dark ( ho …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 17th, 2020

Who is This? Really? – Parshat Shemot People have personal names, surnames, nicknames, childhood names, pet names, and perhaps more as well. We choose which name to use based on the context of where we are, who we are with, what impression I am trying to make, if at all, when it is and why I am meeting this person. Sometimes names are assigned to us. Or numbers (noting the 75th anniversary of the liberation of the Auschwitz death camp this …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 10th, 2020

Need for Control – Parshat Vayechi Famous Viennese psychiatrist, Alfred Adler (1870-1937), declared that the primary motivation of human behavior is the drive for control.1 We grow as children with an inferiority complex, he explained, that we seek to overcome through increased self-confidence and control as we mature. Many people recognize this complex in themselves and can appreciate Adler for his work in sharing this insight with us. Ye …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 3rd, 2020

Being In the Moment – Parshat Vayigash I really like New Age ideas. I find them refreshing, or, if not, at least challenging to my way of thinking and believing. Either way it is good. Yet many ideas which seem to be New Age ideas I often find them to have a biblical source. So, too, with the title of this blog – 'being in the moment'. It is a wonderful challenge to be able to put stuff aside and just be. With practice, it becomes eas …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 27th, 2019

The Chicken or the Egg or the Chicken…. – Parshat Miketz This age-old question has at times fascinated me and at times bored me. Similar questions about cause and effect also intrigued me as welll as turned me off. So it was with particular interest that I heard a short lecture about the end of Yosef's imprisonment that reminded me of this question. I had until recently understood that due to Paroh's dreams of the cows and the grain …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 20th, 2019

To Tell or Not to Tell – Parshat Vayeshev Some of the readers may remember about 3 years ago  that I spoke of my heart attack (first night of Chanuka to be exact). I am thankful that, b"h, 3 years later I can talk about it and that I started living a better, healthier life. One of the dilemmas I had was about sharing the news with my heart attack with my elderly, frail mother, z"l. Everyone I spoke with seemed to be in agreement that i …
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