Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 25th, 2018

Memento – Parshat Beshalach  Pictures, medals, diplomas, testimonials, and, yes, mementos are just some of the items that people keep around their homes. These help them remember accomplishments, people, events and places from their past – usually associated with pleasant memories. "The good ol' days" still seem to have an allure to us even though they were not always as good as we sometimes make them out to be. These mementos c …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 19th, 2018

Physical or Spiritual Beings? – Parshat Bo or The Jewish Black Box It is often fascinating how we view ourselves. On the one hand we see ourselves as physical – how can we not? We have a physical body with physical wants and needs similar to those of flora and fauna. On the other hand, we see humans who in certain situations can respond on such a high spiritual level that it is obvious to the average onlooker that this level of existe …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 10th, 2018

Attitude towards Suffering - Parshat Vaeira We read the same Torah portion every year and yet still there are things we may have missed. This challenges us to continue to study the Torah from different vantage points and keeps the study fresh and exciting. In a class by Rabbi Baruch Simon,1 I had a similar experience. He notes, while discussing Parshat Vaeira, that every year at the Pesach Seder, we mention that the 4 cups of wine that …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 7th, 2018

The Truth About Lies, Part I – Parshat Shemot Is it okay to lie? If so, in every situation? And what is so 'okay' about white lies? Are they okay as long as no one gets hurt? Is it okay if it's only to cover up my own faults (ie. The dog ate my homework)? And what's ok with that? Before I start, I wish to make it clear that I am not yet providing answers (for I am not sure that I have those answers) but, rather, opening up a question to pon …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 28th, 2017

Etched in Stone? - Parshat Vayechi In studying different forms of therapy, whether logotherapy, NLP or others, there is an emphasis on the words people use. How we use words and in what context often displays what a person is thinking and feeling inside. We can even deduce from these words things which were not said. We have discussed in the past how the Torah, too, counts its words and that every word has its contextual and individual meaning. S …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 20th, 2017

Good Radiation? – Parshat Vayigash I tend to imagine that when world leaders meet, they spend much of their time discussing major issues that affect their countries' interests. Maybe I am naïve but that is the sense I get. So it is surprising that when in Parshat Vayigash, where it tells of when Pharaoh first met Yaakov, the first question Pharaoh asks has nothing to do with the condition of the famine, the financial situation in  …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 12th, 2017

Keep a Clear Head – Parshat Miketz Don’t you just love when people tell you to keep a clear head when you are in the middle of a crisis? Don’t they realize that you may be turning to them for advice because it is hard to retain proportion? To be fair, most people in fact don’t realize it and for them it seems the most logical advice to offer. The funny thing is we may even know that they are right. But because of the crisi …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 8th, 2017

How do You Know? – Parshat Vayeshev Y'know those times when you're not really sure what to do? You gotta take matters into your own hands. It seems to be the most natural and obvious solution. But wait, don’t I have to trust in God? Yeah, but you can't rely on miracles. So which is it? How do you know? In one of the most difficult rebukes of Yoseph's behavior, Rashi takes Yoseph to task for not trusting enough in God. At the very end …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 30th, 2017

The Struggle Against the Unknown – Parshat Vayishlach We have all struggled at some point in our lives. Some of us may even be facing a struggle now. Some struggles have been great some have been minor. A few of them may have been long-lasting while others were over quickly. Maybe we can even point out what we gained from the struggle, maybe we can't. But we have all been there. In one of the most mysterious passages in all of the Torah, th …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 23rd, 2017

The First Thanksgiving – Parshat Vayeitzei We have spoken in past blogs of the magic words of 'please', 'sorry' and 'thank you'. We can agree on the potential importance of these words in creating a more pleasant, humane society. All languages that I checked in the online translator have a word for thank you. Even Esperanto has a word for thank you. That’s why it's so fascinating that Leah is considered the first one to give thanks to …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 17th, 2017

Existential Angst - Parshat Toledot There are times in everyone's life when things don’t go as planned. One may even feel they are suffering. It may be a one-time event or it may be chronic. How do we get out of that funk? Do we need to wait until the situation clears up or is there something that can be done now? Is there in fact an answer to these questions? We find a similar question being asked by Esav in this week's parsha, Parshat Tol …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 6th, 2017

Take a Break – Parshat Chayei Sarah When I find "modern" ideas hidden in the Torah, I feel a sense of pride. The Torah knew about this concept all along. Yet I also feel a sense of something akin to failure. If it was there all the time, how did I miss it? Maybe the idea was even mentioned by Chazal but I overlooked or misunderstood it.   It happened again with this week's parsha, Parshat Chayei Sarah. Yitzchak was going to t …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 22nd, 2017

Mixed Emotions - Parshat Noach Stuff happens. That's a given. Sometimes that stuff is good and pleasant and we accept that reality happily and with little question. We rarely find anyone beseeching God as to why a particular positive experience befell him. Yet if that same experience is negative or painful we look for reasons including divine reasons. Is this a double standard? Are we being fair to God - or to ourselves? As we view the …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 11th, 2017

Permanent Temporariness, Part II – Parshat Bereishit Very. A modifying word. It comes from the latin veritas, meaning truth.1 Aside from the Sesame Street song about the letter 'V' where the word 'very' is used umpteen times,2 we use it to describe adjectives. How big is it? Very big. How far is it? Very far. I found a fascinating discussion in the Midrash about the use of the word 'very' in this week's parsha, Parshat Bereishit. At the en …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 4th, 2017

Permanent Temporariness – Sukkot Huh? Could you say that again? Well, I actually almost called this piece temporary permanence. Or both. Oxymoron city! But this seems to be the most accurate variation to represent the thought. As the late Rabbi Joseph Lookstein once said in a sermon, "the only thing that’s permanent in life is change."1 (Maybe next year we can discuss temporary permanence.) This theme is alluded to in the mitzvah of S …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 27th, 2017

Knock, Knock - Yom Kippur No, this is not a knock, knock joke, though I wish I had one for the occasion. (I am open to suggestions.) We have many customs which we don’t always notice though they have been passed down over the years. There is, for instance, a custom to tap (knock) lightly on our chest as we mention a list of actions we've done wrong in the past.1 It is a soft tapping that accompanies the Ashamnu2 (prayer of admission of guil …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 19th, 2017

Seize the Day; Seize the Year! – Parshat Haazinu There are some phrases that are so out of place that they demand some kind of explanation. The veritable 'elephant in the room' is crying out to be noticed. We find this at the end of this week's parsha, Parshat Haazinu. After Moshe's swan song, God calls to Moshe in the 'height of the day'.1 Dozens of times God calls to Moshe but never until this instance, almost the very end of the Torah, i …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 12th, 2017

Who's to Blame? – Parshat Nitzavim-Vayelech I hate the blame game. I hate assigning blame to others and I hate when others assign blame to others…or to me. There is actually one situation when I would agree that it is legitimate and even appropriate. That is when I assign blame to myself. Taking responsibility for what I do is not just an admission of guilt. It is a pronouncement that I have free choice and that I am willing to take …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 5th, 2017

The 'Mitzva' to Fist Pump – Parshat Ki Tavo I have often wondered why we make parties when we accomplish something major. After all, it is simply an accomplishment. Why the fist pump? Why invite others to join? I am still not 100% sure I understand why it is psychologically sound and healthy to celebrate but I know intuitively that it is important. I read something about the  Perhaps davka, specifically, on a noetic level I can unders …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 30th, 2017

Sanctions with Dignity– Parshat Ki Teitzei When someone wrongs us, there is often an emotional reaction that includes a need to punish or revenge the wrong. It can be based on anger, frustration, disappointment or a host of other emotions. The reaction may even be appropriate. Someone cut us off while driving. They acted dangerously imperiling others and me. Anger may be the most appropriate response. Is there a limit to that anger or to wh …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 23rd, 2017

Violence towards Things – Parshat Shofetim Things don’t feel. We know that. "And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries," wrote Paul Simon.1 It is one of those truths that we live with. So who cares how we treat it? If we want to take inanimate objects and 'mistreat' them or abuse them that should be ok. Right? How about a child who mistreats his toys or breaks them – is that okay? Do we say "it's just things"? Do we g …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 17th, 2017

Alone in Suffering? – Parshat Reeh One of the most unusual side effects of going through any kind of emotional distress is the sense that others don’t understand what you're going through and the ensuing sense of loneliness. That sense of loneliness is very profound and can often be even greater than the original distress itself. This concept is noted in this week's parsha, Parshat Reeh. After discussing different kinds of crimes …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 7th, 2017

Is Gratitude all that it's Cranked up to Be? – Parshat Ekev As little kids most of us were taught the "magic" words – please, thank you and excuse me. We were taught that these words helped us somehow. Mostly we knew it got us what we wanted – the toy, a smile, good grace. Beyond that, there was no value to these words. Yet, in this week's parsha, Parshat Ekev, we find the Torah actually commanding us to bless God after each me …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 3rd, 2017

In All your 'Veriness' – Parshat Vaetchanan I love words. I love playing with them and seeing different ways how to use them. Even at the Shabbos table, I have taken out a dictionary to see with my family what a word means and how it is used. So when I see a word that is used with care I take notice. Similarly, when the Torah uses a word sparingly, I notice it and try to figure out what it means, what it's doing here, etc. Such a word is in …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 25th, 2017

Sight or Vision – Parshat Devarim I like word games. Sometimes comparing synonyms like sight and vision is fun. I compare different sayings with these words or different usages and play around with them a bit or try new ways of using it with friends and enjoy the light repartee. I even show off how many other synonyms I know (without using a thesaurus or checking online). Philology can be fun. It becomes really fun when you start …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 18th, 2017

Power of You! – Parshat Mattot-Masei We all know that we need to watch what we say. Words can hurt. Words have power. Yet we always seem to talk about the negative consequences of speech. The focus is on the mistake, the misspoken word, or the ill-timed joke. Do we have a real appreciation for the power of speech? In this week's parsha, Parshat Mattot-Masei, Rashi points out to us the additional, seemingly unnecessary wording in the verse. …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 11th, 2017

Escape Your Genes – Parshat Pinchas It can be quite touching when you see a TV show where the parent and the grown child act alongside one another as parent and child. I remember noting it on Mission Impossible.1 This has also happened in the movies and on TV. It also happens in the corporate world as well as in the yeshivah and Chassidic worlds. Yet it seems that even more often children don’t follow exactly in their parents' footst …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 28th, 2017

 Living a Paradox - Parshat Chukat There's some things that I just don’t get. It took me a while to learn to say that. I used to think I understand, or at least was capable of understanding, everything. Then I learned that even though I don’t understand stuff, I still try and figure it out. "Isn’t that a waste of time?" I thought. You don’t get it so just accept it. So there were times I did. And there were times that …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 20th, 2017

Get Involved - Parshat Korach Very often, the boss will send someone else to do his 'dirty work'. I write this not from a place of looking down on bosses. They need to find efficient ways to get things done.  If a boss were to perform all the tasks at the office, he simply wouldn’t be able to find time to do his own job. Part of the boss's job is to delegate authority to others and assign them various tasks. So, we find that in this we …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 13th, 2017

What do We do Now? – Parshat Shelach   Where do we pick up the pieces? Stuff happens to us throughout our lives. Some of it is good. Some of it isn’t. The parts that are good give us joy and the strength to do more. The stuff that isn’t has the capability of sapping our strength, draining our energy, sending us reeling into depression, making us feel stuck and even preventing us from being motivated to do anything. This mus …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 1st, 2017

Which Path to Take? – Parshat Naso When Alice was in Wonderland and she wasn’t sure which path to take, she asked the Cheshire cat which way she ought to go. The cat asked her where she wanted to go. Her answer was "somewhere". The cat's famous answer was that as long as you're moving, you'll get somewhere.1 In this week's parsha, Parshat Naso, we read that the Nazir, the ascete, needs to bring a sin offering when he comes into conta …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 23rd, 2017

Who Cares Which Side? – Parshat Bamidbar Sometimes the Torah really surprises me. There are times where the Torah details certain stories or commandments. Sometimes it doesn’t. The basic principle though is that the Torah doesn’t waste words. So, why does the Torah spend time telling us in this week's parsha, Parshat Bamidbar, where each tribe camped and later on in what order they travelled.1 Is this information that will have …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 15th, 2017

Addiction. Harmless? – Parshat Behar-Bechukotai I have never heard of a story of an addict who one day woke up and said: "I want to become addicted to something. Hmmm…let's see what suits me best." There is usually a period of experimentation and often the addictive behavior has some benefit to it. The slide, however, from experimentation to addiction is a slippery one and often a person becomes addicted to a behavior/substance with …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 1st, 2017

Love - A 'Second Hand  Emotion'? – Parshat Acharei Mot-Kedoshim There are some phrases that are so well known that we use them with sometimes reckless abandon - throwing them about without ever understanding the phrase and these phrases  get bandied about freely. And what does love have to do with it? Is it really, as the song goes, just "a second hand emotion?"1 Such is a phrase from this week's parsha, Acharei Mot-Kedoshim. We a …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 26th, 2017

A Social Disease – Parshat Tazria-Metzora When we hear the words 'social disease', we usually assume the dictionary's definition: Venereal Disease.1 Or we may imagine a broader reach and that it is a catchall phrase for all sorts of diseases of a sexual nature.2 Or for those of us who were around in the 60's/70's, we may remember a song asking for leniency due to having a 'social disease'.3 Leprosy, described in detail in this week's …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 19th, 2017

Tragedy Triggers – Parshat Shemini Tragedies happen. There are tragedies which clearly effect an entire nation. They may be man-made tragedies or 'acts of God' but they are tragedies nonetheless. We are touched by these tragedies and the pain of the loss and the difficulties encountered by survivors. But often, maybe even unfortunately so, after a heartfelt "Tsk, tsk. How sad that these tragedies occur," we continue on with our daily lives …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 9th, 2017

Who Enslaved the Jews in Egypt? - Pesach Everyone knows the answer to that one. Of course – it was Pharaoh! It seems like a question where the answer is fairly obvious. Just read the verses in the Torah. He came up with the work plan. He hired special overseers to draft workers.1 So, obviously, Pharaoh is the one who enslaved us. Or was he? We often find that we need to read between the lines to understand the Torah properly. Here too, we …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 4th, 2017

Need a Push? - Parshat Tzav I remember the first time I learned that even pro athletes receive motivational help. Even these people who were purportedly self-motivated enough to reach the highly competitive professional levels that they reached still felt that they needed professional motivators. How much more so, my friend Dr. Jerry Luchins explained to me, do we need this kind of assistance. Even in the spiritual plane, where success is not mea …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 31st, 2017

But I Didn’t do Anything Wrong – Parshat Vayikra We live in a society which though is quite accepting can also be very critical. So there are people with a tendency to get defensive quickly. "I didn’t do anything!" they will say. And they will feel they have gotten themselves off the hook. Is it, though enough to not do anything? This week's parsha, Parshat Vayikra starts off discussing the Burnt Offering. In describing the pro …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 21st, 2017

Live with Passion – Part 21 – Parshat Vayakhel-Pekudei   Everyone should know this by now. 'Live your passion' has become a mantra for motivational speakers around the world. Yet, somehow, we just don’t get it. We all know the phrase  'Do what you like and like what you do" but it can sometimes be challenging to translate that into real life. Even leaders can get stuck and not be passionate. In the building of the dese …
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