Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 14th, 2017

I Can See Clearly Now…1 - Parshat Ki Tissa If only we could live on that level. We want to be able to see what's really happening, or what's going to happen. Someone I know, for years used to say, "if I could only see where I'll be in 5 years from now." (e.n. She is now wise enough to know NOT to say that.) Though there is a part of us that would just love to know where we are going and what awaits us. Yet, even the greatest of prophets, …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 7th, 2017

Keep it Up - Parshat Tetzaveh Consistency and persistence. Such beautiful words. Yet sometimes they are the most difficult concepts for us to actually follow through on. Just look at the accompanying picture of New Year's resolutions. Just copy, paste, and occasionally edit. The same ideas repeat themselves year after year after year. That is perhaps exactly the reason that the Torah in this week's parsha points out the importance of persistence …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 28th, 2017

On the Way to the Top - Parshat Terumah "Shoot for the stars!" This is the message that we receive from motivational speakers around the world. You can accomplish what you set your mind to. Just set your sights and get moving. And it really does work. You can reach your goals. Just one thing…don’t step on anyone's toes. You can get to where you're going but be careful that you shouldn’t disregard others. Even in the building of …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 20th, 2017

Context and More Context – Parshat Mishpatim or The Context of Suffering Yeah that darn context thing. It would be just easier if we could take everything that is said to us at face value. But no….we gotta look at who said, when they said and if they’ve said other stuff that doesn’t seem quite the same. It gets in the way. Yeah, that broader context thing. It means that we don’t have all the info we need. We realize …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 14th, 2017

LET IT BE! – Parshat Yitro We have an especially acute need to control what goes on in our lives. Certain schools of psychology are based on cataloging that need and learning how to control and promote it. On the other side, there is, as well, a worldwide movement towards mindfulness – learning to accept the present as it is and just living the moment. Which is correct? How do we decide? The answer that seems to be the most correct is …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 31st, 2017

No Bone-Chomping Here - Parshat Bo We like digging into our food. It tastes good, it is nutritious and the experience can even be enhanced by eating with friends and family. We like our food and on the whole want to choose the way we eat it - with our fingers, with a fork and knife or with chopsticks. Yet, just as the Kosher laws limit our access to certain foods and teach us about the way we are to eat1 so too do we find restrictions about how …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 16th, 2017

As Trivial as a Name – Parshat Shemot It can get confusing. On the one hand, a name is just a name. It seems to be an arbitrary appellation attached to people for purposes of convenience. Even Juliet said: "What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;"1 On the other hand we find that the Torah sometimes makes an issue out of names and has even changed people's names. We even find situations wher …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 6th, 2017

Am I in Control - Really? Part 2 – Parshat Vayigash It would really be nice if once we understood something, we could behave and think accordingly from that point on. We like to believe that we are intelligent human beings and that once we decide something we are always able to carry it out and remain consistent. Sometimes it actually works out that way. Yet that does not always happen. And then I find myself feeling hypocritical and faili …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 30th, 2016

Am I in Control - Really? – Parshat Miketz I am not where I expected to be tonight.1 It's not that I had any special plans - just a regular Thursday night. But I certainly had no thought of being here, in a cardiac convalescence center, as a patient (I almost wrote inmate). If I had an array of possibilities from which to choose, and this was one of the possibilities, I would not have guessed 10 days ago that this would be the path I would …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 22nd, 2016

The Divine in the Human – Parshat Vayeshev Humans may seem similar to most other mammals. After all, they have legs and arms, eyes and ears, heart and lungs, blood and guts, etc. They also have feelings – loyalty, sadness, excitement, etc. They eat food – some are herbivores, some carnivores and some omnivores. They communicate with each other. On some level, they seem to be very similar to human beings. Yet they are not. They h …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 15th, 2016

Money, Money, Money - Parshat Vayishlach We are spiritual beings by nature.1 We like to believe that we view the world around us not only for its physical benefits but for what it can afford us. We are not always successful at this process but we like to believe it. Yet, notice the number of songs we listen to, activities in which we engage, discussions that we have surround the realm of hard, cold cash – how to make it, how to save it and …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 6th, 2016

Fleet-footed Father – Parshat Vayeitzei I am usually careful about how I relate to our forefathers and foremothers(notice that play on words?) There is even a heated discussion about how we relate to their actions and whether or not we are in a position to judge them (won't go into that now). So in choosing this appellation for Yaakov I was careful as well with the language and what it represents. It became much easier for me when a number …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 29th, 2016

Nature and Nurture. Both or Neither - Parshat Toledot Just a few weeks ago we spoke about the influence of human nature on our behavior in the article on Parshat Noach.  This week, we are confronted with the opposite side of the long-lived discussion of the influence of nature versus nurture. Is it our basic human, genetic makeup which influences our behavior and makes us behave more out of instinct or are we more products of our environment …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 16th, 2016

Is There Really Evil in the World? – Parshat Vayeira This may not be politically correct. Even to ask the question presupposes that I have the right to 'judge' another's behavior. Well, we can definitely agree that there are people who have behave in a way that we would want to avoid any direct contact with them. Would you agree to hang out with rapists, pedophiles, serial killers and the like? I'm assuming that the answer would be 'no'. A …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 8th, 2016

'For Your Pleasure' or 'Mixed Messages' – Parshat Lech Lecha We sometimes get mixed messages about different values in life. Mercy, honor and generosity are just some of those values where we find opposing messages about the worthiness and appropriateness of these values. Seeking out pleasure is another one of those values which seem to get 'negative press' in Jewish sources. We talk about this world as being just a foyer in advance to our …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 3rd, 2016

It Ain't My Fault- Parshat Noach If something goes wrong, we want to understand why – mostly in order to learn from it and  prevent it from happening again. In government or business, committees are formed to investigate accidents or misdeeds. People who own up to their mistake are sometimes respected, and sometimes scoffed at. And sometimes it's just nice to know that 'at least it wasn’t my fault'. In fact, we can sometimes be …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 25th, 2016

Do You Know Where You Are? - Parshat Bereishit "Do I know where I am? Of course I know where I am," you answer. So let me explain and rephrase the question. We have just completed the extended High Holiday season. We have prayed for a better future. We have asked for forgiveness for our misdeeds. We have moved into a temporary dwelling and danced with the Torah. All the holidays and accompanying hullabaloo are over. Now, taking that into account, …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 21st, 2016

Treat Your Kids Equally? – Parshat Vezot Haberacha Shouldn’t this be obvious by now? Doesn’t everyone know this? Like, duh. Well, the truth is we cannot possibly treat them equally really. Each one is different. Yeah – but this blog is called 'Treat Your Kids Equally'. Make up my mind! It is a bit confusing as parents. Or as managers/team leaders. Or as coworkers. Or as people. There are so many methods which we are told a …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 14th, 2016

Meaningless Occurrences – Parshat Haazinu Nobody wants to do something for nothing. That doesn’t mean that we need payment for everything we do. It does mean that what we do needs to have some significance or meaning for us. If it doesn’t, we get frustrated, bored and/or burnt out. It doesn’t make a difference if it's a project at work, doing laundry at home or practicing your jump shot. If you feel that there is some wort …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 6th, 2016

MOVE IT! – Parshat Vayelech Each Moment Counts There has been much talk professionally in the past 15-20 years about preparing for retirement. It had previously been assumed that people after retirement would spend their last years lounging and living the 'easy life'. It became clear though that though people had prepared financially for their retirement, they hadn’t prepared what they would do with their time. It was discovered that …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 27th, 2016

Choose Life! – Parshat Nitzavim For most of us, this title is kind of obvious. Why even mention it? Choose life! We spend so much time and energy on this life, isn’t it clear that this is our direction? Apparently not. I am not even talking about those who choose to take their own life. There are people who even while alive are not living the life they could. Not rarely people come into the clinic saying they 'don’t feel alive'. …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 21st, 2016

Keep it Fresh – Parshat Ki Tavo Sometimes we have projects to do that are exciting, refreshing and invigorating. Other projects may be tolerable and we perform them by rote, while others are on the official 'procrastinate list'. Which of these would be the easiest to perform? (Yes, that was a rhetorical question - and as Radar said: "We didn’t have to answer those in school."1) Obviously the fun and refreshing projects. That is where …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 13th, 2016

Meaning in Suffering – Parshat Ki Teitzei Is there such a thing as meaning in suffering? Even asking this question may sound condescending or patronizing. In preparing for this blog, I had no clarity of topic. Even though this week's parsha1 is so full of topics yet everywhere I looked I could find nothing to hook on to. So, I said, I will continue reading Dr. Elizabeth Lukas' book, 'Meaning in Suffering'(1986). I was up to chapter 3, Suff …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 6th, 2016

 The Highness and Lowness of a King– Parshat Shofetim The concept of a king is actually a bit foreign to us in the 21st century. Though there are some 20 monarchies still in the world today,1 most of the world is governed by popular vote. Even many of the monarchies also have voting to determine the makeup of a government and legislature. We hear of kings and there are stories of kings but still it is a bit hard to grasp. That’s …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 31st, 2016

 The Power of Right Choices - Parshat  Re'eh The concept of reward and punishment is an old one and is found in every culture in the world. If we work for others then we expect a paycheck on a regular basis. As children we are often taught that you get a reward for doing something right. Is this, however, how we wish to lead our lives? Do something because of what it brings us? This week's parsha, Parshat Re'eh, offers an interesting tw …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 30th, 2016

Happyize to be Happyized – Parshat Reeh Okay – you caught me. Happyize is not a real word. Til now.1 What do you think it means? To make someone happy. Or even yourself. Correct. That’s why this week's parsha, Parshat Reeh, is so fascinating. Creating happiness for self and others is mentioned at least 5 times in this parsha. What does it mean to be happy? How do you know when you are happy? My nephew once told me that he can't …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 23rd, 2016

It Was All Me (Almost) – Parshat Ekev We like to believe that we are in charge of our lives and that we can do whatever we truly put our minds to. In such a manner, we have conquered polio, sent a man to the moon and have put worldwide communications at our fingertips. We have overcome personal tragedies and faults to accomplish incredible things on a personal level. We have called upon internal strength and diligence. It is even empowering …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 16th, 2016

Today! – Parshat Vaetchanan  One of the highlights of the high holiday prayers is right near the end of Musaf. There is a song in which each line starts with the word 'Hayom', (lit. today). It is usually sung in a fast-paced, upbeat tune and the word Hayom is often repeated. And the song is simply referred to as 'Hayom', 'Today'. When a word is repeated in the Torah, there is a reason. And when a word is oft-repeated within a particul …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 9th, 2016

Control Over Fear – Parshat Devarim Fear is an emotion. I have spent years speaking with clients about their emotions. Much of that time I was trying to help them to identify and legitimize their emotional reactions. It can be especially challenging when I hear a parent say to their child "don't be afraid", especially when we know how important fear can be. After all, "The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conqu …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 2nd, 2016

The Wandering Jew - Parshat Masei We make lists. Most of us do, anyway. Lists have a purpose. Every list is different. Shopping lists, packing lists, comparative lists, bucket lists, inventory lists, to do lists, etc., etc., etc. There are even lists of lists. But they all have a purpose. Each list has its own purpose. Even this week's parsha, Parshat Masei, has a list. It is a list of 42 different places that the Israelites visited in their 40 …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 27th, 2016

Making the "Right" Decision - Parshat Mattot There are times when people are able to overcome inner battles and do the right thing. The battle may even be so strong that overcoming it is close to heroic. If it is avoidable do we enter the battle willingly and forcefully? Do we avoid such situations? The answer is not simple and, of course, will depend on the individual and the situation confronted. In this week's parsha Parshat Mattot, we find Mo …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 20th, 2016

One For All and All For One* – Parshat Pinchas What a wonderful feeling to have finally solved a question that’s been bugging me for years. In retelling the reasons for the fast day of the 17th of Tammuz, one of the 5 major reasons, or catastrophes, that befell the Jewish people on that day was the cancellation of the daily sacrifice. For years it bugged me – I could understand that the cancellation of the daily sacrifice was s …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 13th, 2016

Honoring the Dishonorable – Parshat Balak I don’t know about you, but I'm a fairly easy-going guy. Yet, there are still people who manage to get under my skin. Some are simply annoying while some are downright evil(this word may be not be PC but it is accurate). I would not want to have much to do with them yet sometimes I cannot avoid it. I would definitely not go out of my way to care for their honor. Yet we see time and again that …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 5th, 2016

Do You Really Think You Can? – Parshat Korach  How we react to people's ambitions can have far-reaching effects. This is obviously true for the other person but it also holds true even for ourselves. How we react to ourselves and our dreams can have quite an effect on us and our dreams as well. It is not only in the words either. It may be in the tone in which it is said. Just think - in what tone you read the title of this piece? Enco …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 14th, 2016

The Priest and the Rainbow - Parshat Naso This is not the beginning of one of Aesop's Fables. Nor is it the name of a new drink. It is not even the beginning of a joke. So what is the connection? The two are drawn together by a similarity by the Gemara.1 And the truth is, the similarity has nothing to do with these two directly but rather with how humans relate to them. The rainbow is, arguably, one of the most beautiful of nature's occurrences. …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 7th, 2016

Raise Your Flag - Parshat Bamidbar Do you have a favorite baseball team? How about a college football team? Do you (or did you as a kid) fly their banner at home? Every single country, every state, every city and almost every township has its own flag. I am constantly fascinated when the Holy Torah takes a turn towards the banal. It is so concerned with moral behavior and holiness and beauty then why does it busy itself with minutiae? And yet th …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 31st, 2016

Frustration and Meaning – Parshat Bechukotai How frustrating it must be for a farmer who has worked the entire season to see his crops totally destroyed due to an infestation, drought, tornado or flood. This crop meant that he would have had enough to eat, to feed his family and been able to ensure enough money to prepare next year's crop and parnassa(income).  This crop meant an awful lot to him. And now it is gone. This is the exact …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 23rd, 2016

From the Heights of Sinai to the Lowly Slave–Parshat Behar* Is the quest for meaning and purpose an artificial product of Western life and is it unique to the modern era? Was Viktor Frankl the first to speak of the importance of meaning in our lives? Am I responsible only for my own meaning? In explaining a verse in this week's parsha, Parshat Behar, Rashi, the great 11th century scholar, certainly thought that the need for meani …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 17th, 2016

But I am Handicapped – Parshat Emor The person who uses this line may believe that they are caring for themselves; that they are preventing further injury; that they are behaving prudently. And they will be right. And they may also be wrong. We would almost certainly not know which is correct for a specific handicapped person in a specific situation. At least I do know that the question is legitimate. In this week's parsha, Parshat Emo …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 10th, 2016

You Don’t Need to be Betazoid to be an Empath – Parshat Kedoshim In the Star Trek:TNG series, one of the characters was a Betazoid (a resident of the planet Betazed)  whose empathic qualities were so finely attuned that she was chosen as the ship's Counselor.  She was able to understand people and their concerns, worries and difficulties and therefore, was able to help them accordingly. Fortunately, Betazoids do not have a …
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