Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 1st, 2015

Your Own Salad - Parshat Vayechi It's great to be able to open up the fridge, look inside and say - wow, there's enough here to make my own salad. That’s exactly what Jacob points out in this week's parsha - Parshat Vayechi. He calls his children together for one last time and gives each their own individual blessing. At the end of all the blessings, though, the Torah summarizes and says - "each man according to his blessing he blessed them …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 20th, 2015

Your Legacy - Parshat Bamidbar We often hear talk about legacies. A politician's legacy. A parent's legacy. Our legacy. What is a legacy? What do we leave behind for the next generation? How do we decide that? The concept of legacy is addressed in this week's parsha - Parshat Bamidbar. In a relatively innocent statement the Torah takes a census of the people and talks about the family of Moshe as well.1 Yet, when detailing the family members …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 10th, 2016

You Don’t Need to be Betazoid to be an Empath – Parshat Kedoshim In the Star Trek:TNG series, one of the characters was a Betazoid (a resident of the planet Betazed)  whose empathic qualities were so finely attuned that she was chosen as the ship's Counselor.  She was able to understand people and their concerns, worries and difficulties and therefore, was able to help them accordingly. Fortunately, Betazoids do not have a …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 22nd, 2020

You Can Always Dance – Parshat Bamidbar  Much has been written about the challenges facing the human race during this corona episode. We are slowly and hesitatingly coming out of lockdown and seeing if we will be able to retain the lowering of the curve. I certainly join with those praying for the welfare of the entire human race in stemming the outbreak of this virus. These challenges relate to us no matter our socio-economic status, …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 8th, 2019

Work and Work – Part 1- Parshat Vayakhel There is a concept in social psychology called cognitive dissonance and its sister-concept cognitive consonance.  Leon Festinger, teaching that we strive for psychological consistency, describes a situation in which two people who are friendly do or do not agree about a third party. If they are in agreement, there is cognitive consonance while if they are in disagreement, there will be cognitiv …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 15th, 2019

Work and Work – Part 2 – Parshat Pekudei Synonyms. They can be lovely. They can be irritating. For those among us who are logophiles (lovers of words - though perhaps, also, lovers of meaning and, yes, logotherapy), we love to play with synonyms and look up in the dictionary and thesaurus to see what other possibilities there are. You see, the thesaurus is not just a book to be used when writing papers. It can be a fun book. So, in Pa …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 7th, 2018

Why? - Parshat Nitzavim There is an apocryphal story about a final exam in an advanced philosophy course. The students who studied long and hard for this test were perplexed to find that there was but one question on the test page and the question had but one word: "WHY?" Many of the students labored for hours thinking and writing their answers. There was one student however, who handed in his test after a few minutes. The teacher was both astou …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 12th, 2017

Who's to Blame? – Parshat Nitzavim-Vayelech I hate the blame game. I hate assigning blame to others and I hate when others assign blame to others…or to me. There is actually one situation when I would agree that it is legitimate and even appropriate. That is when I assign blame to myself. Taking responsibility for what I do is not just an admission of guilt. It is a pronouncement that I have free choice and that I am willing to take …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 17th, 2020

Who is This? Really? – Parshat Shemot People have personal names, surnames, nicknames, childhood names, pet names, and perhaps more as well. We choose which name to use based on the context of where we are, who we are with, what impression I am trying to make, if at all, when it is and why I am meeting this person. Sometimes names are assigned to us. Or numbers (noting the 75th anniversary of the liberation of the Auschwitz death camp this …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 9th, 2017

Who Enslaved the Jews in Egypt? - Pesach Everyone knows the answer to that one. Of course – it was Pharaoh! It seems like a question where the answer is fairly obvious. Just read the verses in the Torah. He came up with the work plan. He hired special overseers to draft workers.1 So, obviously, Pharaoh is the one who enslaved us. Or was he? We often find that we need to read between the lines to understand the Torah properly. Here too, we …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 23rd, 2017

Who Cares Which Side? – Parshat Bamidbar Sometimes the Torah really surprises me. There are times where the Torah details certain stories or commandments. Sometimes it doesn’t. The basic principle though is that the Torah doesn’t waste words. So, why does the Torah spend time telling us in this week's parsha, Parshat Bamidbar, where each tribe camped and later on in what order they travelled.1 Is this information that will have …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 1st, 2017

Which Path to Take? – Parshat Naso When Alice was in Wonderland and she wasn’t sure which path to take, she asked the Cheshire cat which way she ought to go. The cat asked her where she wanted to go. Her answer was "somewhere". The cat's famous answer was that as long as you're moving, you'll get somewhere.1 In this week's parsha, Parshat Naso, we read that the Nazir, the ascete, needs to bring a sin offering when he comes into conta …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 28th, 2018

When Your Best Isn't Good Enough - Parshat Vayeshev Have you ever experienced this kind of situation that no matter how hard you try, things just aren’t going the way they should? And has this ever led to a feeling of angst, despair or frustration? I know I have. And it isn’t always pleasant either. So when I read the sub-plot of Reuven in this week's parsha, I could barely begin to imagine his suffering. After Yosef's brothers agreed …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 5th, 2018

When Will it Ever End? – Parshat Miketz We go through life looking to enjoy its benefits. We cannot simply search out those benefits and live a life of only pleasure. Even if we are successful, that will almost usually lead to a life of existential vacuum. But there is a 'will to joy' that we all share as humans.1 Most of us will have experienced joy at some point in our lives. And most of us will want to experience it more. This will to jo …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 13th, 2019

What's Your Name? – Parshat Vayishlach There is a radio show which asked me to come as a guest to talk about Dr. Viktor Frankl and logotherapy. In preparation, I listened to some of the programs and heard the host asking the guests the question "who are you?" I thought it was a great question but was concerned as to how I would answer it. Thankfully, he didn’t ask me that question but it is now a question I ask myself occasionally. Wh …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 28th, 2018

What's it all About? – Parshat Shemot There are some situations when questions seem to be begging to be asked. Yet I don’t always notice the obvious question until someone else points it out. And then it can make me feel anything from surprisingly un-observant to downright foolish. So, when my brother-in-law pointed out the following explanation in this week's parsha I said 'wow, how come I never noticed that before.' And then this y …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 6th, 2018

What if You Can't Find Meaning – Parshat Shelach Occasionally, I will get a client asking me about Dr. Viktor Frankl, the author of Mans's Search for Meaning, and how to find meaning in life. After a few moments they might say, "I've been looking for meaning but find nothing. What now?" Indeed, what now? Give up? Keep searching? What? This is an age-old question. In Parshat Shelach, we read about how the Israelites had been in the desert f …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 13th, 2017

What do We do Now? – Parshat Shelach   Where do we pick up the pieces? Stuff happens to us throughout our lives. Some of it is good. Some of it isn’t. The parts that are good give us joy and the strength to do more. The stuff that isn’t has the capability of sapping our strength, draining our energy, sending us reeling into depression, making us feel stuck and even preventing us from being motivated to do anything. This mus …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 17th, 2015

We Make People Upset - Parshat Vayeilech We may not want to. We may not be trying to. We may even be trying to help. We may have done or said what we did for all the 'right' reasons. But still it made people angry. It may make us feel like we should give up. It may confuse us. We may want to stop helping others. Do we quit? In his profound book, 'Anyway: The Paradoxical Commandments', Dr. Keith Kent challenges us with his 9th paradoxical commandm …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 23rd, 2017

Violence towards Things – Parshat Shofetim Things don’t feel. We know that. "And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries," wrote Paul Simon.1 It is one of those truths that we live with. So who cares how we treat it? If we want to take inanimate objects and 'mistreat' them or abuse them that should be ok. Right? How about a child who mistreats his toys or breaks them – is that okay? Do we say "it's just things"? Do we g …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 1st, 2015

Take Advantage of Yourself - Parshat Balak  How terrible it is to see naturally talented people not use their talents. Or even to see others not use whatever talents they do have. There was an ad running starting in the 1970's for the United Negro College Fund: "A mind is a terrible thing to waste." How true. It is even sadder and more painful to see someone use their talents to try to hurt others. In this week's parsha, Parshat Balak, we ac …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 6th, 2020

Upside-down Shaatnez – Parshat Tetzaveh Have you ever had a time where what you thought about a topic turned out to be the opposite of what you thought? Like when Pluto stopped being a planet or when you found out that a baseball team was caught cheating. Or in a positive direction, you may have thought that all cancer couldn’t be cured and found out that there are cancers which react well to treatment. I had that kind of experience w …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 24th, 2020

Untitled – Parshat Devarim Just a short idea and can't decide on a title. What I've come up with so far, just isn’t quite right. (if you get any ideas, please let me know) The judges, whose appointment is discussed in this week's parsha, are reminded that they should be good, honest and fair judges for, after all, the judgment belongs to God.1 Well, isn’t that kind of obvious? If these judges are dealing with Jewish law, do they …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 21st, 2016

Treat Your Kids Equally? – Parshat Vezot Haberacha Shouldn’t this be obvious by now? Doesn’t everyone know this? Like, duh. Well, the truth is we cannot possibly treat them equally really. Each one is different. Yeah – but this blog is called 'Treat Your Kids Equally'. Make up my mind! It is a bit confusing as parents. Or as managers/team leaders. Or as coworkers. Or as people. There are so many methods which we are told a …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 19th, 2017

Tragedy Triggers – Parshat Shemini Tragedies happen. There are tragedies which clearly effect an entire nation. They may be man-made tragedies or 'acts of God' but they are tragedies nonetheless. We are touched by these tragedies and the pain of the loss and the difficulties encountered by survivors. But often, maybe even unfortunately so, after a heartfelt "Tsk, tsk. How sad that these tragedies occur," we continue on with our daily lives …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 9th, 2015

Too Distraught - Parshat Shemot Have you ever had a situation when you were too distraught to actually focus on an activity or an assignment? This happened to me this week after my brother-in-law, Yitz Kurtz, was niftar. I was trying to decide whether or not to incorporate this into my essay. What would I write about, how to write it, etc? I was confused and having difficulty focusing. Do I skip this week altogether or just write a short message? …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 16th, 2016

Today! – Parshat Vaetchanan  One of the highlights of the high holiday prayers is right near the end of Musaf. There is a song in which each line starts with the word 'Hayom', (lit. today). It is usually sung in a fast-paced, upbeat tune and the word Hayom is often repeated. And the song is simply referred to as 'Hayom', 'Today'. When a word is repeated in the Torah, there is a reason. And when a word is oft-repeated within a particul …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 20th, 2019

To Tell or Not to Tell – Parshat Vayeshev Some of the readers may remember about 3 years ago  that I spoke of my heart attack (first night of Chanuka to be exact). I am thankful that, b"h, 3 years later I can talk about it and that I started living a better, healthier life. One of the dilemmas I had was about sharing the news with my heart attack with my elderly, frail mother, z"l. Everyone I spoke with seemed to be in agreement that i …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 9th, 2014

To Live a Life of Ease - Parshat Vayeishev Have you ever had a saying that bothered you or followed you around for years because you just didn't 'get it'? I've had that experience with a line that Rashi uses near the beginning of this week's parsha - Parshat Vayeishev. The Torah relates that Yaakov was in the land of his fathers.1 Since we already knew that from previous sentences, this sentence is superfluous and must be coming to teach us somet …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 5th, 2018

Time Out – Parshat Bereishit There are concepts that seem so natural to us that we wouldn’t ordinarily think that someone had to think of it. I don’t mean theoretical advances which then led to technological accomplishments in different fields like transportation, communication and medicine. Those have made an impact and it would be easy to trace their impact on the lives of individuals and the society as a whole. I mean someth …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 14th, 2018

These Are The Voyages - Parshat Noach One of the most famous introductions in American culture starts with the words, "Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise, whose 5 year mission is to….boldly go where no man has gone before."1 In introducing this starship, we do not repeat its name rather we go into an explanation of its significance. This would seem the correct and appropriate way to introduce anyon …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 16th, 2015

The Will to Want - Parshat Vaeira I like to believe that I am open to new experiences and new learning. There are even times when upon hearing a new thought I find that it can have a profound effect on me and how I live my life. It doesn’t happen often but it does happen. There is, in this week's Torah portion, Parshat Vaeira, a seemingly innocuous and superfluous comment by Rashi, the great medieval commentator. The Torah says that God app …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 2nd, 2016

The Wandering Jew - Parshat Masei We make lists. Most of us do, anyway. Lists have a purpose. Every list is different. Shopping lists, packing lists, comparative lists, bucket lists, inventory lists, to do lists, etc., etc., etc. There are even lists of lists. But they all have a purpose. Each list has its own purpose. Even this week's parsha, Parshat Masei, has a list. It is a list of 42 different places that the Israelites visited in their 40 …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 7th, 2018

The Truth About Lies, Part I – Parshat Shemot Is it okay to lie? If so, in every situation? And what is so 'okay' about white lies? Are they okay as long as no one gets hurt? Is it okay if it's only to cover up my own faults (ie. The dog ate my homework)? And what's ok with that? Before I start, I wish to make it clear that I am not yet providing answers (for I am not sure that I have those answers) but, rather, opening up a question to pon …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 8th, 2019

The Truth About Lies – Part II* – Parshat Lech Lecha There is a popular saying: "Never meet your idols." Too often you find out that they don’t live up to your expectations of them. When you put them on a pedestal, very often you de-humanize them and in fact take away from their greatness. They are quite fallible and, well, human. The greater they are, the greater the disappointment. What we expect from them is to be metahumans. …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 29th, 2019

The Truth about Lies – Part III  - Parshat Toledot Have you ever felt a compulsive need to understand something yet it seems beyond you? Or maybe the topic is so complex that apparently you will never really get a grasp on it? I have been trying to get a handle on lying recently and have found that it seems to be beyond my ability. It can be so frustrating! Lying. Is it ever moral? How about to save your life? Or your livelihood? What …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 4th, 2020

The Struggle's the Thing – Parshat Vayishlach Nobody likes struggling. Well, maybe not "nobody" but many of us anyway. It's nice to just view a sunset, have your morning coffee or spend time with friends. Struggle is unpleasant, frustrating and simply not my favorite word. In this week's parsha, Yaakov finds himself struggling against a mysterious stranger.1 There are numerous questions regarding this story, ranging from why Yaakov was alon …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 30th, 2017

The Struggle Against the Unknown – Parshat Vayishlach We have all struggled at some point in our lives. Some of us may even be facing a struggle now. Some struggles have been great some have been minor. A few of them may have been long-lasting while others were over quickly. Maybe we can even point out what we gained from the struggle, maybe we can't. But we have all been there. In one of the most mysterious passages in all of the Torah, th …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 23rd, 2018

The Struggle Against the Unknown* – Parshat Vayishlach We have all struggled at some point in our lives. Some of us may even be facing a struggle now. Some struggles have been great while some have been minor. A few of them may have been long-lasting and others were over quickly. We may even be able to point out at some later time what we gained from the struggle or maybe we can't. But we have all been there. In one of the most mysterious p …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 15th, 2021

The Right Way – Parshat Vaeira   We find ourselves in a moral dilemma at times when we have two moral values that conflict. Is there always a correct course to choose? When there is enough money left at the end of the month for either a special treatment for an elderly parent or a tutor for a child with ADD, how do you choose? Can I allow for the perception of "how others view me" to become a consideration? I was actually surprised in …
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