Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 5th, 2020

Feeling Ignored – Parshat Behaalotecha We all want to feel part. Even as a kid, I remember when we were choosing teams, I always wanted to be chosen. I also remember what it was like NOT to be on the team – either team. My parents tried to make sure that my needs weren’t ignored either. But sometimes certain groups are chosen. And others are left behind. Or it could even be being passed over for a promotion at work. It can be a …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 28th, 2020

Mindfulness and Mindful – Parshat Naso* Mindfulness is one of the big buzz words nowadays. Learning to hear our own selves and our own voices, emotions and wishes is an important part of growth. But has this direction pushed out the concept of being mindful? Has being aware of one's self cancelled the ability to be mindful of others and their needs? How sensitive do we need to be to others in the face of our own needs? The reading of t …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 22nd, 2020

You Can Always Dance – Parshat Bamidbar  Much has been written about the challenges facing the human race during this corona episode. We are slowly and hesitatingly coming out of lockdown and seeing if we will be able to retain the lowering of the curve. I certainly join with those praying for the welfare of the entire human race in stemming the outbreak of this virus. These challenges relate to us no matter our socio-economic status, …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 15th, 2020

Regaining Lost Worth – Parshat Behar-Bechukotai No matter how long the first 8 innings of a baseball game last, or what the score is, there is always a sense of anticipation entering the ninth inning. Will the losing team make a comeback? After all, there have been teams who scored 7 runs in the bottom of the ninth to win a game. There is always a buildup to the end. As Yogi Berra was quoted as saying, "it aint over til its over." The end o …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 8th, 2020

So What is Logotherapy? Parshat Emor I have been writing this blog for about 5 years always succeeding (sometime more sometimes less) to find a passuk which sheds light on our own particular paths to meaning. Each blog has a thought, idea, revelation from the weekly parsha which also resonates closely with the work of Doctor Viktor Frankl and logotherapy. Yet I just realized that I have never put forth even a basic explanation of the fundamental …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 17th, 2020

 Routinely Changing Routine - Parshat Shemini It's just a flu. It's also a lot more. The coronavirus has challenged many assumptions – societal, personal, political, economic and more. It has challenged people who have experienced social distancing in so many ways. Some people have lost their livelihood and at this point no one can say when it will return. Due to this, some have for the first time in their lives had to ask for financia …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 7th, 2020

Cleaning House - Pesach I'm trying to write this blog without discussing the corona virus. I've already failed. I have been surprised by how much this virus has imposed itself not only on our physical health but on our mental health, our financial health and our societal health. Life goes on. We are preparing for Pesach while trying to maintain our sanity and mental health as well (which is enough of a challenge during a regular year). There are …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 1st, 2020

Learning from Isolation – Parshat Tzav Many are bemoaning the government-imposed isolation during these days of COVID-19. "It isn’t fair. It won't help. It's too hard. How will I manage with the kids? In White Russia they're not doing it." There is so much conversation, confusion and convoluted conspiracy theories flying around that it is hard to make sense and get answers to the real questions and concerns we have. Isolation is perha …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 27th, 2020

Corona's Creative Calling – Parshat Vayikra OR Yes I'm Writing About Corona When we want to start a conversation with someone, we usually call them first to get their attention. We call their name, we ring their telephone, we send an email or any other of a now-myriad of methods to contact someone. When we get the person's attention, then we can start talking whether to deliver a message, get some information or simply to connect with someo …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 19th, 2020

From Social Isolation to Togetherness – Parshat Vayakhel-Pekudei It would be an understatement to say that these are trying times. A tiny virus measured in nanometers has created a pandemic. People around the world are in self-quarantine. People around the world have gotten sick. And, yes, people around the world have died from this virus. It is a somber time. We live with a sense of uncertainty as to our fate, the fate of our communit …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 13th, 2020

A Corona Wedding – Parshat Ki Tissa Or Sports as a Corona Metaphor The current outbreak of COVID–19, better known as coronavirus, has caused a lot of concern, anxiety and uncertainty. This virus has become the main topic of conversation – even outperforming sports and politics. How we behave on a personal level during this outbreak says more about us than it does about how the governments are handling the crisis. After all, as s …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 6th, 2020

Upside-down Shaatnez – Parshat Tetzaveh Have you ever had a time where what you thought about a topic turned out to be the opposite of what you thought? Like when Pluto stopped being a planet or when you found out that a baseball team was caught cheating. Or in a positive direction, you may have thought that all cancer couldn’t be cured and found out that there are cancers which react well to treatment. I had that kind of experience w …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 28th, 2020

Can Humans be Divine? - Parshat Terumah (Shemot 25:1-27:19) Some concepts I just don’t understand. The idea of God fitting himself into a Mishkan is beyond my ability to understand. And I'm actually okay with that. I know that there are things which I don’t understand. Im not talking about calculus either, although maybe even that. This concept is much higher. But it is really okay (mostly). So what’s the deal with the Mishkan? …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 21st, 2020

Conformity. Good or Bad? – Parshat Mishpatim      Isn’t conformism another way of saying that majority rules? Is it then really that bad? Our democratic institutions are based on that ideal. But is it always true? How about individualism? Conformism, says Doctor Viktor Frankl,is often an outgrowth of what he calls Existential Vacuum.1 Is that a new concept in physics or an electrical appliance? Obviously not. Let m …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 31st, 2020

The Real Plague of Darkness – Parshat Bo There have been times while writing this blog when I was concerned that perhaps a time would come when I would no longer see new ideas to write about in the parsha. Thankfully, I have been surprised over and over to the point where I feel that I am led to believe that I will never run out of topics from the parsha to share. During the plague of darkness, the Torah tells us that it was soooo dark ( ho …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 17th, 2020

Who is This? Really? – Parshat Shemot People have personal names, surnames, nicknames, childhood names, pet names, and perhaps more as well. We choose which name to use based on the context of where we are, who we are with, what impression I am trying to make, if at all, when it is and why I am meeting this person. Sometimes names are assigned to us. Or numbers (noting the 75th anniversary of the liberation of the Auschwitz death camp this …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 10th, 2020

Need for Control – Parshat Vayechi Famous Viennese psychiatrist, Alfred Adler (1870-1937), declared that the primary motivation of human behavior is the drive for control.1 We grow as children with an inferiority complex, he explained, that we seek to overcome through increased self-confidence and control as we mature. Many people recognize this complex in themselves and can appreciate Adler for his work in sharing this insight with us. Ye …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 3rd, 2020

Being In the Moment – Parshat Vayigash I really like New Age ideas. I find them refreshing, or, if not, at least challenging to my way of thinking and believing. Either way it is good. Yet many ideas which seem to be New Age ideas often have a biblical source. So, too, with the title of this blog – 'being in the moment'. It is a wonderful challenge to be able to put stuff aside and just be. With practice, it becomes easier. Though, I …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 27th, 2019

The Chicken or the Egg or the Chicken…. – Parshat Miketz This age-old question has at times fascinated me and at times bored me. Similar questions about cause and effect also intrigued me as welll as turned me off. So it was with particular interest that I heard a short lecture about the end of Yosef's imprisonment that reminded me of this question. I had until recently understood that due to Paroh's dreams of the cows and the grain …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 20th, 2019

To Tell or Not to Tell – Parshat Vayeshev Some of the readers may remember about 3 years ago  that I spoke of my heart attack (first night of Chanuka to be exact). I am thankful that, b"h, 3 years later I can talk about it and that I started living a better, healthier life. One of the dilemmas I had was about sharing the news with my heart attack with my elderly, frail mother, z"l. Everyone I spoke with seemed to be in agreement that i …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 13th, 2019

What's Your Name? – Parshat Vayishlach There is a radio show which asked me to come as a guest to talk about Dr. Viktor Frankl and logotherapy. In preparation, I listened to some of the programs and heard the host asking the guests the question "who are you?" I thought it was a great question but was concerned as to how I would answer it. Thankfully, he didn’t ask me that question but it is now a question I ask myself occasionally. Wh …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 6th, 2019

Just Being There – Parshat Vayeitzei We often feel that only grandiose actions really have any impact. People all too often will refrain from reaching out to those in need because they feel they cannot possibly give others all that they need. Sometimes, though, all a person needs is  a friend who will just be there. This week's parsha teaches us, among other things of course, that sometimes, just being there has value in and of itself. …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 29th, 2019

The Truth about Lies – Part III  - Parshat Toledot Have you ever felt a compulsive need to understand something yet it seems beyond you? Or maybe the topic is so complex that apparently you will never really get a grasp on it? I have been trying to get a handle on lying recently and have found that it seems to be beyond my ability. It can be so frustrating! Lying. Is it ever moral? How about to save your life? Or your livelihood? What …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 8th, 2019

The Truth About Lies – Part II* – Parshat Lech Lecha There is a popular saying: "Never meet your idols." Too often you find out that they don’t live up to your expectations of them. When you put them on a pedestal, very often you de-humanize them and in fact take away from their greatness. They are quite fallible and, well, human. The greater they are, the greater the disappointment. What we expect from them is to be metahumans. …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 25th, 2019

Cain's Choice in the Here and Now– Parshat Bereishit Omni-temporal Man - Part III Choice. An empowering word. An intimidating word. It can mean choosing between chocolate and vanilla ice cream or whether or not to marry. It gives us the ability to feel control over our lives yet it can also paralyze us. Cain had a choice.1 In Parshat Bereishit, we read that he was unhappy with God's reaction to his sacrifice but what could he do. Furtherm …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 18th, 2019

How we Prepare for the Future – Parshat Vezot Haberacha Omni-temporal Man Part II We all live for the future. We all plan for the future. We all make assumptions about the future. On some level we are constantly living our future and making guesses about what will happen – some of those guesses will be educated and some will be like a shot in the dark. The one thing in common is that our minds imagine what the future will be. There ar …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 11th, 2019

Dealing with the Past – Parshat Haazinu Omni-temporal Man - Part 1 Finding a title for each blog has become a fun part of the challenge of writing a blog. It should catch the eye while reflecting at least a bit of what the content will be. When I decided on the topic of this blog, I started thinking of a catchy title. It must refer somehow to the past. I decided to try a paradoxical/rhetorical approach and for the first time I searched for …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 8th, 2019

Hiding the Meaning – Parshat Vayelech/Yom Kippur Central to logotherapy, the school of psychology this blog most relates to, is the concept that Man's most basic motivation is to find meaning in his life. "Man’s search for meaning is the primary motivation in his life and not a “secondary rationalization” of instinctual drives,"1 says Dr. Viktor Frankl, the founder of logotherapy. Lacking meaning in his life, Man can feel …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 27th, 2019

Circumcise your….Heart – Parshat Nitzavim Shock treatment is a tool rarely used in education. Being aware of the students' emotional state when trying to teach or discipline is expected even from the beginning teacher. If the teacher is at all concerned about causing any emotional trauma, they are expected to exercise caution. The Torah can be very creative and illustrative.1 We find this week's parsha to be an example of that. "And …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 17th, 2019

Appreciate Your Grocer – Parshat Ki Tavo I am sometimes astounded by what is 'hiding in plain sight'. (Through a quick search on the internet, I found at least three different books with that title.) I remember the first time I learned the concept with the "watch test".* And I am surprised time and again how I get caught overlooking these things. So it was with a passage in this week's parsha, Parshat Ki Tavo. I have read and reread the sa …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 8th, 2019

Multifaceted Mourning – Parshat Devarim The word mourning usually conjures up sadness, grief, depression, loneliness and other feelings which are unpleasant (I don’t like to call feelings 'bad' – but that’s for another blog). The period of mourning also brings up memories. Those memories will be pleasant, bitter, bittersweet or even neutral. Each period of mourning will be different for different people – even withi …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 18th, 2019

Numbers…Numbers…Numbers – Parshat Pinchas 100,000. Its just a number. So are 7, 613, 3.14159, and 17. Yet each  (99,998) of these numbers have special significance in their own context.1 What is significant about 100,000? For me, today, it is a personal connection. As I write these lines, I am privileged to be approaching a plateau of 100,000 people who have come in to read this blog over the years. (99,999). It is a …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 11th, 2019

"He Ain't Heavy…"* – Parshat Balak "He Ain't Heavy…He's my brother". These are famous lyrics from a 1969 song by The Hollies. The tale is told of a young Scottish girl carrying a young boy and obviously laboring under his weight. When a minister saw her along the way and asked her if it was too much for her to carry, she reportedly answered: "He ain't heavy, Mr. He's my brother." This beautiful song has been the anthem and the …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 21st, 2019

It Really is Up to Us – Parshat Shelach Having just returned from the 22nd World Congress on Logotherapy, I am excited about all that I learned, the people I met and the topics presented. The meeting of minds and challenging each other to achieve greater understanding, even when agreeing on the basic premise, was exciting. It is no surprise, then, that it took almost no time to find an outstanding search for meaning in this week's pars …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 24th, 2019

Meaninglessness as a Curse – Parshat Bechukotai I've been writing this blog for almost 5 years. I am not surprised that I have been able to successfully find* meaning hints in every parsha a few times over.1 What is surprising is that it is sometimes so blatant that it cannot be ignored. The Torah values meaning in life. It exhorts you to find meaning and live by it2 and it does not tolerate when you deter others from their meaning.3 Howeve …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 17th, 2019

Don’t Forget Yourself – Parshat Behar It can be confusing. We hear so much about how important it is to do for others and 'paying it forward' and karma that we tend to believe that our whole existence has no validation in and of itself unless we are totally focused on others with no regard to our own needs. How about my needs and 'looking out for number one'? Isn’t that important too? Or is that too selfish? And isn't it good t …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 19th, 2019

Step Up – Pesach There are many mitzvot which in some form are related to our history in Egypt. The purpose of some of those mitzvot is to remember leaving Egypt, others remind us that we were slaves in Egypt, others combine these two ideas - we were slaves and God took us out of Egypt -  while others simply mention that we were on our way out of Egypt.1 Our exile in and exodus from Egypt is apparently so important in buildi …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 12th, 2019

Clarifying Roles – Parshat Metzora If someone needs help with charity, they go to a charitable organization. If you need help building a budget you meet with a financial expert. if you're looking for emotional help you seek out a social worker, psychiatrist, psychologist or other mental health professionals. You might think that with a skin ailment, you would look for a dermatologist or the like. If there is a mold-like growth on your walls …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 5th, 2019

Avoiding Leprosy – Parshat Tazria I love puzzles. Jigsaw puzzles, logic puzzles, number puzzles and more. I try to guess the murderer in murder mysteries. I love a good enigma and am still fascinated by the liar's paradox. (Statement 1: I always lie. Statement 2. I am telling the truth). They get me thinking – even if I don’t know the answer. There are few concepts in the Torah that are more enigmatic than the advent of Tzaraat …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 27th, 2019

The Mourning Doesn’t End – Parshat Shemini As much as we know that mourning, suffering and pain are a part of life, it is never easy to talk about. Though with the advent of "Death Cafes" - specific evenings in pubs and cafes worldwide where people gather to talk about, well, death – discussing death, pain and suffering has become a bit more commonplace, it is still not usually a topic for social gatherings. Does this mean that …
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