Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 15th, 2019

Work and Work – Part 2 – Parshat Pekudei Synonyms. They can be lovely. They can be irritating. For those among us who are logophiles (lovers of words - though perhaps, also, lovers of meaning and, yes, logotherapy), we love to play with synonyms and look up in the dictionary and thesaurus to see what other possibilities there are. You see, the thesaurus is not just a book to be used when writing papers. It can be a fun book. So, in Pa …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 8th, 2019

Work and Work – Part 1- Parshat Vayakhel There is a concept in social psychology called cognitive dissonance and its sister-concept cognitive consonance.  Leon Festinger, teaching that we strive for psychological consistency, describes a situation in which two people who are friendly do or do not agree about a third party. If they are in agreement, there is cognitive consonance while if they are in disagreement, there will be cognitiv …
1 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 22nd, 2019

It's Not Fair – Parshat Ki Tissa* When I was growing up, child care was something your mother did and nursery schools weren’t so prevalent. So, I spent my days at home with my mom and she made sure I had everything I needed. But one day, I noticed my older brother was going to school. I don’t think I had any idea what it was but it meant he was going somewhere. I do remember crying about not being allowed to go to school. It was …
2 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 7th, 2019

Gonna Do it My Way – Parshat Terumah Children will often notice when parents repeat stories. Sometimes they will ask the parent to repeat a particular story because of the way it is told or the content itself. There are other times when the kids will roll their eyes when the parent will repeat the same story over and over - this happened recently while sitting shiva for my mom, hk"m, and I was telling over stories about my mother and my ki …
2 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 1st, 2019

Against Divine Will? – Parshat Mishpatim I never stop to wonder at the depth of the Torah and the messages it tries to relate to us – whether in conjunction with logotherapy or not. Sometimes it is confusing, sometimes it is extremely insightful and helpful, and at times it is downright challenging. So it is with great wonder and trepidation I approach the following concept. Even though the Torah uses its words sparingly, at least tw …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 4th, 2019

OVERWHELMED – Parshat Vaeira Being overwhelmed is not pleasant. I have experienced it - even recently. This feeling of something being too big for me to handle is, among other things, scary, full of anxiety, fear of the unknown, and feeling crushed by the weight of the situation while simultaneously wanting to explode. It can even feel threatening. It was with surprise though that this year I finally began to understand the following episod …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 28th, 2018

What's it all About? – Parshat Shemot There are some situations when questions seem to be begging to be asked. Yet I don’t always notice the obvious question until someone else points it out. And then it can make me feel anything from surprisingly un-observant to downright foolish. So, when my brother-in-law pointed out the following explanation in this week's parsha I said 'wow, how come I never noticed that before.' And then this y …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 5th, 2018

When Will it Ever End? – Parshat Miketz We go through life looking to enjoy its benefits. We cannot simply search out those benefits and live a life of only pleasure. Even if we are successful, that will almost usually lead to a life of existential vacuum. But there is a 'will to joy' that we all share as humans.1 Most of us will have experienced joy at some point in our lives. And most of us will want to experience it more. This will to jo …
1 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 28th, 2018

When Your Best Isn't Good Enough - Parshat Vayeshev Have you ever experienced this kind of situation that no matter how hard you try, things just aren’t going the way they should? And has this ever led to a feeling of angst, despair or frustration? I know I have. And it isn’t always pleasant either. So when I read the sub-plot of Reuven in this week's parsha, I could barely begin to imagine his suffering. After Yosef's brothers agreed …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 23rd, 2018

The Struggle Against the Unknown* – Parshat Vayishlach We have all struggled at some point in our lives. Some of us may even be facing a struggle now. Some struggles have been great while some have been minor. A few of them may have been long-lasting and others were over quickly. We may even be able to point out at some later time what we gained from the struggle or maybe we can't. But we have all been there. In one of the most mysterious p …
2 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 9th, 2018

The Right Order – Parshat Toledot When you tell a story, you are expected to tell it chronologically correct. We would almost always start a story with the phrase 'once upon a time' and almost never with the words 'and they lived happily ever after'. Yet there seems to be a bit of confusion here. In Parshat Toledot we read that Yitzchak planted and reaped a hundredfold of what was expected. So far, so good. But only then does it s …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 2nd, 2018

The Importance of Being a Servant – Parshat Chayei Sara First there was the importance of being – based on the famous saying by French philosopher, Rene Descartes, "I think therefore, I am." He further explained, "we cannot doubt our existence." It is important to be and to be aware of being. Then there was "The Importance of Being Earnest", a comedy written by Irish writer, Oscar Wilde. But before all that there was "The Importance o …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 26th, 2018

Looking Out for Number One – Parshat Vayeira We are number one. We need to look out for number one. There was even a book that came out in the fifties with the title 'Looking out for #1'. In a recent edition, the writer points out that each of us has a "moral right to take actions aimed at giving (ourselves) the greatest amount of pleasure and the least amount of pain"1 as long as we don’t bring harm to others. This is certainly …
3 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 18th, 2018

Staying the Course – Parshat Lech Lecha How many people do you know (not you of course) who have made New Year's resolutions or Rosh HaShana resolutions and not kept them for at least one year? You're in good (?) company - well, at any rate, at least you're not alone. According to a recent survey, only about 12% of people kept resolutions that they made the previous New Year.1 So what happens with the rest - do they just give up on res …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 14th, 2018

These Are The Voyages - Parshat Noach One of the most famous introductions in American culture starts with the words, "Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise, whose 5 year mission is to….boldly go where no man has gone before."1 In introducing this starship, we do not repeat its name rather we go into an explanation of its significance. This would seem the correct and appropriate way to introduce anyon …
1 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 5th, 2018

Time Out – Parshat Bereishit There are concepts that seem so natural to us that we wouldn’t ordinarily think that someone had to think of it. I don’t mean theoretical advances which then led to technological accomplishments in different fields like transportation, communication and medicine. Those have made an impact and it would be easy to trace their impact on the lives of individuals and the society as a whole. I mean someth …
2 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 30th, 2018

Present Yourself – Parshat Vezot Haberacha A popular trivia question in The Diaspora1 is: Which Torah portion in never read on Shabbat.2 The answer, is Vezot Haberacha, this week's parsha and the final parsha in the Torah. Yet, it is important that it is read on the Shemini Atzeret/Simchat Torah. Rabbi Joseph Soloveichik, affectionately known as The Rav, explains the appropriateness of reading this portion on this day. He beautifully compa …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 7th, 2018

Why? - Parshat Nitzavim There is an apocryphal story about a final exam in an advanced philosophy course. The students who studied long and hard for this test were perplexed to find that there was but one question on the test page and the question had but one word: "WHY?" Many of the students labored for hours thinking and writing their answers. There was one student however, who handed in his test after a few minutes. The teacher was both astou …
1 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 31st, 2018

Even a Therapist Hurts – Parshat Ki Tavo I remember the first time I noticed a certain incongruity about doctors. It was way back in the 60's or maybe early 70's. My appointment with the doctor was cancelled. What was the reason? You guessed it - she was ill. Huh? Doctors don’t get sick, I thought. Uh, hello?  Maybe they do. This issue came up for me a few years back on a personal level when a neighbor's son was killed in the Sec …
1 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 3rd, 2018

Juxtaposition – Parshat Ekev I love this word. I love the way it sounds, what it means and even just saying it. It is simply a cool word. In Hebrew exegesis, this term is called 'semichut', meaning adjacency (is there such a word?). It is used to derive legal precepts,  philosophical principles and moral behavior. It is famously used in this week's parsha, Parshat Ekev. The Gemara notes that when throughout Tanach we find a descriptio …
3 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 27th, 2018

From Tragedy to Rebuild – Parshat Vaetchanan Or From Chazon to Nachamu We go through many events in life. Some pleasant. Some not. Those which are pleasant we enjoy, we photograph, we experience, laugh and appreciate the experience. We look back nostalgically at these events. There is a prevailing sense that all is good at that moment. We are quite happy to 'live the moment'.1 There are other events which are less pleasant. They cause pai …
1 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 19th, 2018

Force the Issue – Parshat Devarim We all have dreams. I am not talking about the nighttime variety, rather, the dreams and fantasies of how life could be. We dream, we plan, we organize ourselves based on our experience, our knowledge of how things work and how we wish them to be. Do our dreams always work out? No. Not always. When they do it's great and we celebrate that event. What do we do, though, if they don’t? Do we give up? Pos …
3 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 13th, 2018

REVENGE! – Parshat Mattot-Masei Have you ever felt your heart beating from anger with someone? Or have that sense that you need to get someone back for what they’ve done to you? Mayor Ed Koch of New York City replied to a question about someone who had wronged him: "I don’t get mad. I get even." Revenge is a very human characteristic. We bear grudges and seek new and creative ways to get back at those who've wronged us. It may e …
6 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 5th, 2018

Repeat, Say Again and Reiterate – Parshat Pinchas In public speaking classes, they discuss the concept of repetition of certain themes which are central to the presentation. They point out the importance of repetition and how to execute it without seeming boring or obnoxious. It helps drive the point home. The Torah, which is usually very stingy with words, retells the story of Korach 3 times, including this week's parsha - each time in a …
2 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 26th, 2018

Guiding our Life – Parshat Balak Usually we live life looking forward. We have a daily calendar, a weekly schedule and in business we talk about the 5-year-plan. It is all based on projections made about how we approach our dreams of where we want to be and choices we make about how we wish to live our days. We see this too, in Parshat Balak, when Bilaam blessed the Jewish people, he praised their deaths, "Let me die the death of the straig …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 19th, 2018

A Snake on a Staff – Parshat Chukat There are a number of idioms and phrases whose source is unknown and have slithered their way into our language (pun intended…groan). In fact, you can search online for a list of reptilian, bovine, porcine, and general mammalian phrases and idioms. As an amateur etymologist, I find it quite fascinating and have fun with these usages. I find it quite cool that the logo of the American Medical Assoc …
2 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 14th, 2018

Dream or Accept Reality – Parshat  Korach We are taught by dreamers to dream and by realists to accept reality. They are both right – we need to dream and we need to accept reality as is. The challenge comes when the dream flies in the face of reality. But don't  dreams always fly in the face of reality? There is a story about Walt Disney's brother who was giving a tour of the about-to-be-opened amusement park, Disneyworld, …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 6th, 2018

What if You Can't Find Meaning – Parshat Shelach Occasionally, I will get a client asking me about Dr. Viktor Frankl, the author of Mans's Search for Meaning, and how to find meaning in life. After a few moments they might say, "I've been looking for meaning but find nothing. What now?" Indeed, what now? Give up? Keep searching? What? This is an age-old question. In Parshat Shelach, we read about how the Israelites had been in the desert f …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 25th, 2018

Say It to Own It – Parshat Naso We know that words have power. They can hurt. They can calm. They can comfort and soothe. Words, through the help of certain techniques, can help us to overcome trauma. In recovering from my own heart attack, I shared my story of the events leading up to the hospitalization as they unfolded. I noticed afterwards that I had retold that story a number of times and in varying amounts of detail. Later I understo …
2 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 18th, 2018

Count Off! – Parshat Bamidbar
I was once amazed when a friend of mine studying political science explained different diplomatic terms and how they really meant something different. A window of opportunity is different than a doorway. A road to peace means one thing while a pathway means something else. It is not just personal style or creative speaking. I have also tried to develop a similar discerning eye when studying Torah but see …
4 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 11th, 2018

Don’t Know Why, But… - Parshat Bechukotai In creative or professional writing there is always an emphasis on keeping everything in the same tense, person, manner, etc. I have been sent back an article because I wasn’t consistent throughout the article in one or more of these issues. Truth is, despite my being upset that I have to rewrite certain parts, I even agree with the editor. The whole article just looks and feels better …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 27th, 2018

From Victim to Victor – Parshat Emor There are certain truths that people generally agree to. "Suffering and death are inescapable realities of life," writes Dr. Teria Shantall in her book on Holocaust survivors.1 Or as Ben Franklin famously said, "in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."2 That seems to be the accepted fact that bad news and suffering are an inevitable part of our lives. I mention …
2 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 20th, 2018

Holy is Not a 'Four-Letter Word' – Parshat Acharei Mot-Kedoshim How we express ourselves publically in our western civilization is an issue that has more or less gained widespread agreement. Part of that understanding are words that due to their content and meaning are censored out of statements made publically. These words, called euphemistically 4-letter words, are often not used at all publically to prevent the need for censoring a …
4 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 5th, 2018

Sharp Turn – Parshat Shemini/7th of Pesach * Juxtapositions of the Jewish calendar and the weekly parsha have rarely captured my interest but this week the change in focus from the chag to the parsha seems so sharp that I couldn't help not noticing it. Writing in the afternoon before the last day of Pesach (surprisingly, and thanks to my wife, I have enough time to do that), I look forward to the holiday where we celebrate the completion of …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 27th, 2018

Personal Freedom – Pesach We often focus at the Seder table on the first night of Pesach, on the redemption of the Jewish people from Egypt. We speak of our trials and tribulations, the cruelty of the Egyptians and the miracle of the redemption. We do so through an inspiring mix of homiletic passages, vignettes and song in a manner which is lively, spontaneous and full of emotion. It is an evening of song and thanksgiving. Yet there is also …
2 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 14th, 2018

Mind Your Business - Parshat Vayikra Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes there are no victims and sometimes there are some very real victims. If we do in fact cause harm to others, we apologize due to a sense of social or moral obligation to them. We need to acknowledge that others may be hurt because of our mistake. This apology, though, is simply to fulfill a "debt" to the other. We have wronged the other and "owe" him an apology. But what if n …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 27th, 2018

Masks and Us – Parshat Ki Tissa/Purim It is really cool how the weekly Torah reading seems to be especially chosen to correspond with current events, personal milestones or events in the Jewish calendar. Or maybe it is simply our creative ability to find throughout the Torah those messages which are particularly applicable to these events. Or perhaps the Torah is just so full of meaning that we can always find these meaningful correlating …
0 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 23rd, 2018

The Beauty and the Priest – Part II – Parshat Tetzaveh Choosing a name for the blog has been a rare pleasure that I surprisingly look forward to when sitting down to write. I liked this title the first time around1 and just had to give it another round. The fact that it is the week before Purim also allows for a certain light, Purimmy atmosphere. We recall the kohen being commanded in Parshat Tetzaveh to wear special clothes for honor …
1 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 13th, 2018

Am I Really Open? – Parshat Terumah I really like when Torah and psychological precepts parallel each other. It's kind of cool. The Torah, after all, is not just a set of general laws but rather more than that – much more than that. I also happen to like that the Torah precept comes about from a grammatical anomaly. The verse in Parshat Terumah reads: "And they will make for me a sanctuary and I will dwell in them."1 If we are to …
4 comments

Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 1st, 2018

One Nation, Indivisible - Parshat Yitro Each week I look for something meaningful in the parsha and then see if it helps us in our search for meaning. If yes, then "voila!" The blog is born. If not, I continue my search. If I'm not sure, then I soul search. Is it really meaningful or am I forcing it? Is it meaningful only to me or can it be meaningful to others? And so, I found myself wondering if unity has value in its own right or is it just a …
1 comments