Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

July 18th, 2020

42 – Parshat Matot-Masei No, this is not a blog on "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy".1 Imagine - there are other times that the number 42 appears. For instance, the only uniform number that is permanently retired in Major League Baseball is the number 42, the number that Jackie Robinson wore. It is also the atomic number of the element Molybdenum. Even so, with a tip of the hat to all Douglas Adams fans, I would like to touch on t …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 15th, 2020

Regaining Lost Worth – Parshat Behar-Bechukotai No matter how long the first 8 innings of a baseball game last, or what the score is, there is always a sense of anticipation entering the ninth inning. Will the losing team make a comeback? After all, there have been teams who scored 7 runs in the bottom of the ninth to win a game. There is always a buildup to the end. As Yogi Berra was quoted as saying, "it aint over til its over." The end o …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 31st, 2015

Statue of Responsibility - Pesach "The Festival of our Liberty" is one of the nicknames of Pesach1 and points to the fact that our ancestors were freed from the Egyptian slavery on this date. We celebrate that we are no longer under the control of another nation and are free to do as we wish. We celebrate liberty as do nations around the world. The Liberty Bell in Philadelphia and the Statue ofLiberty in New York, as well as Independence Park in …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 6th, 2016

 The Highness and Lowness of a King– Parshat Shofetim The concept of a king is actually a bit foreign to us in the 21st century. Though there are some 20 monarchies still in the world today,1 most of the world is governed by popular vote. Even many of the monarchies also have voting to determine the makeup of a government and legislature. We hear of kings and there are stories of kings but still it is a bit hard to grasp. That’s …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 13th, 2020

A Corona Wedding – Parshat Ki Tissa Or Sports as a Corona Metaphor The current outbreak of COVID–19, better known as coronavirus, has caused a lot of concern, anxiety and uncertainty. This virus has become the main topic of conversation – even outperforming sports and politics. How we behave on a personal level during this outbreak says more about us than it does about how the governments are handling the crisis. After all, as s …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 25th, 2014

A Great Story - Parshat Vayigash Everyone loves a good story. The intrigue. The emotion. The thrill. The secrets. The ability to read the story again and again and never tire of it - even when you know the end. And of course there's the 'happy end'. This week's parsha, Parshat Vayigash has all the elements of a great story as it provides us with one of the most exciting and thrilling stories that never dies. The story of Joseph and his brothers h …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 8th, 2015

The Maid's Epiphany - 7th Day Pesach Making a change which involves a sense of gaining one's independence can be an exciting and thrilling moment. Whether it is going from being a salaried employee to being an entrepreneur, getting out of a bad relationship, release from jail - these all represent a change where the person will now be in greater charge of their own destiny. The Midrash describes such an epiphany. In the story of the splitting of …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 3rd, 2015

A Part of a Whole - Parshat  Ki Tissa  Usually the easiest way to count is by using whole numbers…1,2,3… Other manners are possible but not quite as easy. Yet in this week's portion, Parshat Ki Tissa, there is a commandment to count the people by using half-shekels1, half a coin instead of a full coin. I agree that it is not a difficult manner in which to count people - just multiply by two and you have your sum. But why g …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 12th, 2016

A Real Uprising - Parshat Terumah In preparing a blog, I spend time looking at the parsha and try to uncover a thought which would have meaning for me on a personal level as well as for the loyal weekly readers (This column is approaching 10,000 reads since its inception last year on parshat Noach). I have spent time since the beginning of the week finding an appropriate topic for this week's parsha, Parshat Terumah as well. i finally found somet …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 26th, 2017

A Social Disease – Parshat Tazria-Metzora When we hear the words 'social disease', we usually assume the dictionary's definition: Venereal Disease.1 Or we may imagine a broader reach and that it is a catchall phrase for all sorts of diseases of a sexual nature.2 Or for those of us who were around in the 60's/70's, we may remember a song asking for leniency due to having a 'social disease'.3 Leprosy, described in detail in this week's …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 22nd, 2020

A Truly Happy Year – Rosh Hashanah  What a year it has been. Sadness, anger, rioting, mourning, politics, division, wildfires and more. Oh, yes….and Corona. To be fair, there have also been weddings, births, promotions and other good things that have happened this year. Rosh Hashanah is considered the yearly Day of Judgment and we pray that the judgment for the coming year will be favorable based on the good things that we and o …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 23rd, 2015

Actions or Miracles? - Parshat Bo In the wake of recent anti-Semitic attacks worldwide*, there are people who wish for God to appear and perform miracles. "Let's just get it over and done with already," they say. Apparently, God doesn’t work like that. He requires action. Sometimes, as in Noah, the action of requiring Noah to build an ark is directly and clearly related to the event, the flood He is planning. Sometimes it isn't. In this wee …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 15th, 2017

Addiction. Harmless? – Parshat Behar-Bechukotai I have never heard of a story of an addict who one day woke up and said: "I want to become addicted to something. Hmmm…let's see what suits me best." There is usually a period of experimentation and often the addictive behavior has some benefit to it. The slide, however, from experimentation to addiction is a slippery one and often a person becomes addicted to a behavior/substance with …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 1st, 2019

Against Divine Will? – Parshat Mishpatim I never stop to wonder at the depth of the Torah and the messages it tries to relate to us – whether in conjunction with logotherapy or not. Sometimes it is confusing, sometimes it is extremely insightful and helpful, and at times it is downright challenging. So it is with great wonder and trepidation I approach the following concept. Even though the Torah uses its words sparingly, at least tw …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

August 17th, 2017

Alone in Suffering? – Parshat Reeh One of the most unusual side effects of going through any kind of emotional distress is the sense that others don’t understand what you're going through and the ensuing sense of loneliness. That sense of loneliness is very profound and can often be even greater than the original distress itself. This concept is noted in this week's parsha, Parshat Reeh. After discussing different kinds of crimes …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 30th, 2016

Am I in Control - Really? – Parshat Miketz I am not where I expected to be tonight.1 It's not that I had any special plans - just a regular Thursday night. But I certainly had no thought of being here, in a cardiac convalescence center, as a patient (I almost wrote inmate). If I had an array of possibilities from which to choose, and this was one of the possibilities, I would not have guessed 10 days ago that this would be the path I would …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 6th, 2017

Am I in Control - Really? Part 2 – Parshat Vayigash It would really be nice if once we understood something, we could behave and think accordingly from that point on. We like to believe that we are intelligent human beings and that once we decide something we are always able to carry it out and remain consistent. Sometimes it actually works out that way. Yet that does not always happen. And then I find myself feeling hypocritical and faili …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 13th, 2018

Am I Really Open? – Parshat Terumah I really like when Torah and psychological precepts parallel each other. It's kind of cool. The Torah, after all, is not just a set of general laws but rather more than that – much more than that. I also happen to like that the Torah precept comes about from a grammatical anomaly. The verse in Parshat Terumah reads: "And they will make for me a sanctuary and I will dwell in them."1 If we are to …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 23rd, 2016

An Attitude Problem - Parshat Ki Tissa Throughout the world, we find criminal courts making decisions based on the action that was done as well as the motivation and intent. The action alone does not determine a person's guilt. After all, we, too, make mistakes and do wrong things even though when we were doing it we may have even believed it was the proper thing to do.  We can even say that the exact same action will be judged differently b …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 17th, 2019

Appreciate Your Grocer – Parshat Ki Tavo I am sometimes astounded by what is 'hiding in plain sight'. (Through a quick search on the internet, I found at least three different books with that title.) I remember the first time I learned the concept with the "watch test".* And I am surprised time and again how I get caught overlooking these things. So it was with a passage in this week's parsha, Parshat Ki Tavo. I have read and reread the sa …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 16th, 2017

As Trivial as a Name – Parshat Shemot It can get confusing. On the one hand, a name is just a name. It seems to be an arbitrary appellation attached to people for purposes of convenience. Even Juliet said: "What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;"1 On the other hand we find that the Torah sometimes makes an issue out of names and has even changed people's names. We even find situations wher …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 10th, 2018

Attitude towards Suffering - Parshat Vaeira We read the same Torah portion every year and yet still there are things we may have missed. This challenges us to continue to study the Torah from different vantage points and keeps the study fresh and exciting. In a class by Rabbi Baruch Simon,1 I had a similar experience. He notes, while discussing Parshat Vaeira, that every year at the Pesach Seder, we mention that the 4 cups of wine that …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 5th, 2019

Avoiding Leprosy – Parshat Tazria I love puzzles. Jigsaw puzzles, logic puzzles, number puzzles and more. I try to guess the murderer in murder mysteries. I love a good enigma and am still fascinated by the liar's paradox. (Statement 1: I always lie. Statement 2. I am telling the truth). They get me thinking – even if I don’t know the answer. There are few concepts in the Torah that are more enigmatic than the advent of Tzaraat …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 8th, 2021

Be a Mensch! – Parshat Shemot Without being sexist, this phrase simply implores the individual to be an upright, responsible individual with civility and humility – no matter male or female  - who doesn’t stand idly by while others suffer. Although I did consider using "Be a Man", I decided that the title itself might keep people away. In addition, the word Mensch implies infinitely more than the word "man". (I add a tip of …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

February 16th, 2016

The Beauty and the Priest - Parshat Tetzaveh It's sometimes hard enough to understand one concept. It can be even harder to understand two concepts simultaneously. It will be even harder if those two concepts are intertwined. That is what's happening to me with last week's parsha and continuing into this week's parsha, Parshat Tetzaveh. I am as fascinated with God's attention to detail in the building of the Mishkan in last week's parsha as I am …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 3rd, 2015

Before It's Too Late - Parshat Vezot Haberacha* I procrastinate. I am not necessarily proud of it. But I procrastinate. I understand I am not alone in this practice. Other people share this issue with me. Sometimes it doesn’t make a difference. Sometimes it does. And we pay a price for it. We try and learn and sometimes it works. And sometimes it doesn’t. And we pay a price for it. Moshe was not willing to pay that price. He knew, ac …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 3rd, 2020

Being In the Moment – Parshat Vayigash I really like New Age ideas. I find them refreshing, or, if not, at least challenging to my way of thinking and believing. Either way it is good. Yet many ideas which seem to be New Age ideas I often find them to have a biblical source. So, too, with the title of this blog – 'being in the moment'. It is a wonderful challenge to be able to put stuff aside and just be. With practice, it becomes eas …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 27th, 2016

Being Spontaneously Spontaneous – 7th day Pesach Very often we have a real need for things to be orderly. Though it's true that some of us need it more than others, we can generally see the logic of it. It helps us find our clothes in the morning, arrive on time, and shop for the things we really need. That’s why it's so fascinating to see and even celebrate those instances when spontaneity rules.  We find it at the very beg …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

November 17th, 2015

Between The Lines - Parshat Vayeitzei We constantly exhort people to read between the lines. In a cursory 'first-page-search' the 5-6 songs named 'Between the Lines' (plus one from Janis Ian in the 70's) were all about love lost and the inability to 'read between the lines'. Opportunities are lost and messages are unclear. Sometimes, though,  we are expected to read between the lines to understand spouses, children, bosses, friends, etc. Tho …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

May 17th, 2016

But I am Handicapped – Parshat Emor The person who uses this line may believe that they are caring for themselves; that they are preventing further injury; that they are behaving prudently. And they will be right. And they may also be wrong. We would almost certainly not know which is correct for a specific handicapped person in a specific situation. At least I do know that the question is legitimate. In this week's parsha, Parshat Emo …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

March 31st, 2017

But I Didn’t do Anything Wrong – Parshat Vayikra We live in a society which though is quite accepting can also be very critical. So there are people with a tendency to get defensive quickly. "I didn’t do anything!" they will say. And they will feel they have gotten themselves off the hook. Is it, though enough to not do anything? This week's parsha, Parshat Vayikra starts off discussing the Burnt Offering. In describing the pro …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 17th, 2014

But...But...But... - Parshat Miketz I have found in my professional work that the word "but" can be one of the most dangerous words a person can use. It is often used in the context of "yeah, I am capable of doing stuff but it never works out. I must be a failure" A person who says this often is suffering from low self-esteem and even when he says something good about himself, he discredits himself immediately. This statement is a self-inflicted …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

October 25th, 2019

Cain's Choice in the Here and Now– Parshat Bereishit Omni-temporal Man - Part III Choice. An empowering word. An intimidating word. It can mean choosing between chocolate and vanilla ice cream or whether or not to marry. It gives us the ability to feel control over our lives yet it can also paralyze us. Cain had a choice.1 In Parshat Bereishit, we read that he was unhappy with God's reaction to his sacrifice but what could he do. Furtherm …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

June 24th, 2015

Can Death be Understood? - Parshat  Chukkat Understanding death is one of the mightiest struggles we encounter throughout our lives. Yet few, if any, actually attain a grasp on what it is. How do we react? Some extremists deny its existence, others have belief systems which explain that it's a part of something greater but, on a day-to-day basis, most of us simply choose to ignore it. The concept is so complex and so threatening that it is j …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

January 15th, 2016

Family? Again??? - Parshat Bo Most commandments are given to us to perform on an individual basis. Whether the duties are holiday-related, tort-related, statute-related or other, the basic commandment is for the individual to perform alone. We take notice then on those few times when it is not an individual commanded but a formal or informal group that is required to perform the mitzvah. Such a situation we find in this week's parsha, Parsha …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 27th, 2016

Choose Life! – Parshat Nitzavim For most of us, this title is kind of obvious. Why even mention it? Choose life! We spend so much time and energy on this life, isn’t it clear that this is our direction? Apparently not. I am not even talking about those who choose to take their own life. There are people who even while alive are not living the life they could. Not rarely people come into the clinic saying they 'don’t feel alive'. …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

December 2nd, 2015

Mourning is not one of our more pleasant experiences. We associate it with pain, sadness, depression, loss and more. We make every effort to avoid situations where we will have to mourn. And yet, we find that there are times where we go out of our way to mourn. The most glaring example in our calendar is Tisha B'av, where as a nation we mourn the destruction of the temple and the difficult exile we have endured since. In this week's parsha, Parsh …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

September 27th, 2019

Circumcise your….Heart – Parshat Nitzavim Shock treatment is a tool rarely used in education. Being aware of the students' emotional state when trying to teach or discipline is expected even from the beginning teacher. If the teacher is at all concerned about causing any emotional trauma, they are expected to exercise caution. The Torah can be very creative and illustrative.1 We find this week's parsha to be an example of that. "And …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 12th, 2019

Clarifying Roles – Parshat Metzora If someone needs help with charity, they go to a charitable organization. If you need help building a budget you meet with a financial expert. if you're looking for emotional help you seek out a social worker, psychiatrist, psychologist or other mental health professionals. You might think that with a skin ailment, you would look for a dermatologist or the like. If there is a mold-like growth on your walls …
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Author: Dr. Avraham (Allan) Friedman, Psy. D., LMSW

April 7th, 2020

Cleaning House - Pesach I'm trying to write this blog without discussing the corona virus. I've already failed. I have been surprised by how much this virus has imposed itself not only on our physical health but on our mental health, our financial health and our societal health. Life goes on. We are preparing for Pesach while trying to maintain our sanity and mental health as well (which is enough of a challenge during a regular year). There are …
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