Author: Frummarriage.com,

August 17th, 2014

  Why Can’t We Stop Fighting? How Trauma Affects Relationships by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW Psychotherapists   Sruly and Shani have been fighting like cats and dogs for years. When they came to us, Shani said, “I know that we should discuss our disagreements in a respectful and calm manner, but somehow we can’t stop fighting.” Sruly told us, "We really do love each other, but when our …
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Author: Frummarriage.com,

August 17th, 2014

When Divorce Can Save a Marriage by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW   How is this for a riddle? How can divorce save a marriage? The answer has to do with how people think about divorce and marriage, and how ironically, their fear of divorce may actually prevent them from making progress and repairing their marriage. The FEAR of divorce leads people to avoid making constructive changes, having sober and mature dialogue a …
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Author: Frummarriage.com,

August 17th, 2014

Thirteen Distorted Beliefs that Sabotage Marital Harmony Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW-R   One of Cognitive Behavior Therapy’s great contributions to the emotional health of mankind is its ability to identify the power of incorrect or maladaptive beliefs, and how they shape our feelings.  If a person can allow himself to question his thoughts and beliefs, and become less defensive and more objective about …
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Author: Frummarriage.com,

August 17th, 2014

The Dangers of Misdirected Piety Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R (Re-printed from the Jewish Press) The man in my office was beside himself. He had been seeing me for the past few weeks and made significant strides in recovering from his porn addiction. His path was not easy, but nevertheless rewarding. He had to face brutal realizations about himself and re-order his life. Despite all the progress, he was in grave danger of backsliding because a r …
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Author: Frummarriage.com,

August 17th, 2014

Shame and Its Damaging Effects by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW-R Printed Originally for the Jewish Press   Shame is an excruciating and agonizing emotion. When a person feels shame, he feels completely worthless and small, almost as if he has no right to exist. Shame is a powerful process that is hardwired into our system, and makes us humans sociable and responsive to the standards of our community. We have an over …
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Author: Frummarriage.com,

August 17th, 2014

Personality Disorders and Marriage by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW Psychotherapists   According to the soon-to-be-published DSM V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders), a personality disorder is defined by an impaired sense of self-identity or failure to develop effective interpersonal functioning. Personality Disorders and marital difficulties go hand in hand. This is because persons with Personal …
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Author: Frummarriage.com,

August 17th, 2014

Niddah and Abandonment by Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW Psychotherapists   While the niddah time can be seen as the Torah’s attempt to guide a married couple in how to expand their relationship and appreciation for each other beyond the physical, for some couples it can become an enormous and painful challenge. For various reasons, the very practices and rituals designed to enhance respect and intimacy and be exp …
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Author: Frummarriage.com,

August 16th, 2014

In Cases of Domestic Abuse, Is Change Possible? Lisa G. Twerski, LCSW   Women who are victims of domestic abuse usually want to know one thing: How do I keep my marriage but end the abuse? Change is a complex process, and in the case of domestic abuse it relies heavily on including outsiders in your process. . For someone who has become isolated, the prospect may seem daunting. Here are some things to keep in mind: 1) Hoping for change is no …
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Author: Frummarriage.com,

August 17th, 2014

  A Painful Affront to Shalom Bayis An Article by Lisa Twerski, LCSW             There is a story in the Gemara (Shabbos 31a) of a man who tells Hillel that he will convert if Hillel can teach him the entire Torah while he, the prospective convert, stands on one foot. Hillel agrees, telling him, “De’alach sanei, lechavrach la sa’avid – That which is hateful to you …
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Author: Frummarriage.com,

July 31st, 2014

Dating Smart LisaTwerski,LCSW July 27th, 2014 Did you ever wonder why the difficulty of putting a shidduch together is compared to the difficulty of splitting the red sea apart? Why do we use a comparison of splitting when talking about putting together? There may be several reasons. But, consider this: isn’t finding the right one, also about staying apart from the ones that aren’t right?   Although, as we know, everything that …
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Author: Frummarriage.com,

August 17th, 2014

A Victim of Domestic Abuse or Just a Bad Marriage? Lisa Tweski, LCSW   Differentiating Between Dysfunction, Disorders and Domestic Abuse It can be very confusing to people who feel abused in their marriage, to try and determine if the cause is a dysfunctional relationship that may have some abusive features, a spouse with a mental illness or domestic abuse. In fact, some of the abusive ways one may be treated by their spouse, may be similar …
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