Frum Therapist: Mental Health Resources for the Frum Community

Building Great Relationships from the Start

Marriage-and-Couples-Therapy-The-Ultimate-Investment-

When many couples first get married, they begin to focus on the practical aspects of the relationship, namely, money. They begin to think about how to have a secure future by making the most sound and profitable financial investments. It is then that many couples begin to forget about what drew them together in the first place-love, sharing, caring, the fun stuff.  In a sense many couples start to put all their eggs into the financial basket …

How-to-make-the-most-of-a-boring-date

Many people complain that they find their dates boring. "He/She has nothing interesting to share with me…He/she has no hobbies or interests…He/She talks about their parents and siblings all the time." My question is," What are we really waiting for? What gives any of us the big feeling of wow?" We live in a time, where it takes a lot more for us to feel the wow sensation, because we have seen/done it all. Waiting for the "wow facto …

Speed-A-surefire-relationship-killer

In this day and age of fast food, cars, dsl and everything else that is supposed to make our lives convenient and more enjoyable, we are instead using the ability to do things quickly as an excuse to be able to do more. The conveniences afforded to the current generation were intended to help free us up, not bog us down.As a result of our overburdened lives we barely have time to sit and revel in our achievements, and deepen and stren …

Forgiveness

Forgiveness as the old adage goes, Is one of the hardest things to do. When we have been wronged we often feel as though we want to bare a grudge, because we have a natural desire to hurt the person in return. Ironically, what ends up happening is usually the reverse. The person who has done the hurting may often be unaware or oblivious of the fact that they caused someone they care about to be in pain. That person then takes an affront to th …

Where-has-my-love-gone

Many of my clients have shared with me how difficult it is to feel excited when they meet a potential new partner. So many of us long for that loving feeling, yet really struggle to encounter it, at least initially. A large part of the reason for this is that the human race is  working harder than ever. It is rather ironic how the more we rely upon technology, which is intended to make our lives easier and more convenient the less time and s …

How-to-Avoid-Inflicting-Pain-in-Our-relationships

When we are feeling low it is so much easier to reflect upon what our loved ones are doing wrong to create difficulty in a relationship rather than to reflect upon what we ourselves could do differently.  It is ironic how easy it is to see how others hurt us, but so much more difficult for us to see how we cause pain. I was thinking that perhaps, in order to strengthen our relationships and avoid causing more pain, we can check in with our p …

Why-working-on-relationships-while-things-are-good-is-a-really-great-idea

Many people have told me that they believe that they should only go to a therapist when things are going badly in their lives or their relationship. By choosing to only work on a relationship when both parts of the couple are feeling angry and negatively towards one another, isn't the best idea, as this is a time when most couples report feeling less motivated to work on the relationship. Many of us haven't been taught good relationship skills an …

Marriage-and-couples-Therapy-for-Individuals

Many individuals who would like to find a long term partner struggle to do so. One often thinks that the reason that they have not been able to successfully be able to remain in a long term relationship is because they have, "not found Mr./Ms. right." It is difficult for one to admit to themselves that the reason that they are not in a long term committed relationship has something to do with them.  It is much easier to think that the proble …

Getting-kids-back-to-School

Everyone has a tough time getting back into the swing of reality after the holidays. After all how much fun is it to be able to stay up late, play with friends and do no home work...The key to getting your child to feel happy about going to school after the holidays is to make every day feel like a mini holiday. If your child is in primary school, plan one fun activity with them every day. Make sure you prime your child for the fun activity befor …

Relationship-ending

Often when couples come for counselling, they feel desperate about their situation, so much so that they fear that their relationship is beyond repair. What unfortunately brings couples to therapy is the threat from one of the pair that if they don't come to therapy with the intention of doing something differently, then the relationship is OVER. This threat can often be read as a plea for help, rather than a threat. What the person threatening t …

Feelings-of-Shame-in-Couples-Therapy

What often keeps couples from working on their relationship in therapy is the over riding belief that they should be able to, "Do the work themselves." Many families have fostered the idea that if you can't fix your own problems there must be something wrong with you. Other families have committed themselves to the ideal that if you have a problem you "sweep it under the rug." Unfortunately, both of these notions can make you feel that if you nee …

Avoiding-Family-Conflict-over-the-Holidays

Do you ever notice that family conflict appears to errupt more over the holidays than at any other time of the year? Sure one does tend to see their family members more during holidays than at any other time, but why does conflict emerge so often just then? For many individuals when any mention of a religious holiday is made, they feel like cringing because associated feelings that emerge include those of stress and anxiety. In a family's attempt …

Date-with-A-Difference

When many couples go out on a date they go out with the idea that they are looking to be moved, excited, inspired, and in some way aroused by the person that they are on a date with. The notion generally is that their date is supposed to DO something for them. Some people subscribe to the belief that they should fall in love with the package before them and that if there is true chemistry it should all just work. The notion that all relationships …