Tzvi Pirutinsky Therapist; Probation Offenders Program, Freehold, NJ Ph.D. candidate; Columbia University, New York, NY Email: [email protected] Introduction In recent years, there has been growing awareness of the painful and controversial issue of sexual abuse within our community. Many rabbonim, therapists, and community leaders have stepped forward to address the complex halachik, legal, cultural, and psychological dynamics involved. Survi …
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Like most of you, I enjoy the comforts of living in the modern age. Cutting edge technology has provided me with Global Positioning Satellite (GPS) navigation in my car, a BlackBerry in my pocket to communicate with others around the globe, and medical advances that saved my left hand when I fell off a trampoline many moons ago as a teenager. However, it is also abundantly apparent that there are a number of drawbacks to life in this era. One, w …
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by Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin MS, LCPC Have you ever wondered what prompts couples to give up on their marriage? While there are certain events that can push a marriage over the edge, many couples are successfully able to weather a lousy marriage for a long time. Other than infidelity, I have observed that therapy is often the cause for one spouse to throw in the towel and give up. No, I am not referring to bad marriage therapy that often sounds like …
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By Lisa Twerski, LCSW   Differentiating Between Dysfunction, Disorders and Domestic Abuse It can be very confusing to people who feel abused in their marriage, to try and determine if the cause is a dysfunctional relationship that may have some abusive features, a spouse with a mental illness or domestic abuse. In fact, some of the abusive ways one may be treated by their spouse, may be similar in each of these situations. What determines w …
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Chana Mark, L.C.S.W. Somehow, we are failing in our roles as parents. How? What went wrong? The children are unmannered and undisciplined. They are unhappy and discontent despite our endless efforts to please them. The happier we try to make them, the more rude and demanding they become. They are miserable and we are miserable. We are the adults; it is up to us to fix it. Many believe that it is the role of a parent to make his child happy. Let u …
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Depression affects over 14 million American adults every year. Depression can be a debilitating disorder that interferes with an individual’s thoughts, mood, behavior and physical health. The effects of this illness can ruin relationships, cause problems at work, make it difficult to overcome serious illnesses, and even result in suicide. While the exact cause of depression is not known, the leading scientific theory is that it is caused by …
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By Moishe Herskowitz, M.S., LCSW Disillusionment is a common factor for most married couples. Soon after the wedding, people often come to the conclusion that the person they married is not the same person they thought they were while they were dating. The unconscious mind will always mistake our partners by comparing them to our parents. By understanding this, we can get beneath the surface and heal childhood wounds. What is this Disillusionment …
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By Evan Kroll, Ph.D. The teenage years are no picnic for both the teenager and the parents. Parents of young children yearn for these days, which they assume will be carefree childrearing, but are rudely introduced to a challenging parental time. Teenagers assume they are halfway onto adulthood and expect adolescents to be time of freedom but soon find it instead to be a time filled with of a lot of demands and responsibility. Teenagers are bomba …
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Congregants increasingly seek out the counsel of their rabbis during the holidays. It is a time when many people feel genuinely inspired to make a special effort to be extra observant. It is also a time when people with obsessive - compulsive disorder (OCD) are most likely to knock on the rabbi's door. How rabbis respond can make all the difference in whether religious OCD sufferers seek professional help - in some cases, it can be a difference b …
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Every person is a unique world unto themselves, and communication is the bridge we lay down that connects our world to that of another. Positive communication leads to secure and close connections.Communication requires a sender, a message and an intended recipient. When the message I am attempting to convey is received the way I intended it to be, that is positive communication. Easy or hard? Most people with experience being in relationships co …
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By Lena Shore "Tell me again, what are we doing here?" Her blue eyes pierce mine. She moves forward on the couch in a semi-crouch. I check the clock. 4:01 pm. Our session has just begun and I am already feeling drained, wishing I had taken that break I promised myself between sessions. She waits for an answer and I take a deep breath. "What is it that you would like to accomplish today? I ask her. "I don't know. We just keep going in circles and …
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These are the things that work best for me.
1) Disobey the OCD! Whatever it is telling me to I try to do the opposite. (For instance if it's telling me to avoid people I try to go around as many people as possible.)
2) Sit with the anxiety. If I feel anxious in a situation I try to STAY there even though I want to get out as fast as possible.
3) Thinking of the OCD as a bully that's taunting me rather than something that has …
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  "Rebbe, I don't understand what you're teaching" is all Moshe managed to blurt out after crying through the entire lunch break. Moshe was out sick for a few days and had just returned to school the day before. His rebbaim, teachers and parents all noticed that something was different. It seemed as if Moshe was carrying a heavy burden on his shoulders; he did not smile, did not go out during recess, and did not even raise his hand during c …
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THE RIGHT MATCH You need to be comfortable with your therapist. Even if someone is the best therapist, it does not mean that he or she is the best therapeutic match for you.   LICENSE A therapist should be licensed by the state or supervised by someone who is a licensed therapist. This does not assure that the therapist is good; it, simply verifies a minimum level of competence.   TRAINING The therapist you choose should have some …
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Many people who deal with high amounts of anxiety often want to completely rid themselves of all anxiety. The assumption their brain makes is that anxiety causes pain, therefore, anxiety is bad. In reality, anxiety is the way that the body works together with the brain to inform the person that there is danger. It tells the body, "It is now time to worry; I sense danger."       Anxiety's job is to ensure that you are safe at all t …
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  Frumtherapist.com does not in any way endorse the treatment methodology in this video or any other treatment methodology. When choosing treatment and treatment providers, please consult and speak with professionals, your doctors and other professional mental health referral sources. VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip And the final show----------> VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News …
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In episode 5 of the OCD project, the house takes a trip to an abandoned hospital. Frumtherapist.com does not in any way endorse the treatment methodology in this video or any other treatment methodology. When choosing treatment and treatment providers, please consult and speak with professionals, your doctors and other professional mental health referral sources. VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip Episode #6 VH …
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  Episode 3 of the OCD project that aired on VH1. Frumtherapist.com does not in any way endorse the treatment methodology in this video or any other treatment methodology. When choosing treatment and treatment providers, please consult and speak with professionals, your doctors and other professional mental health referral sources.     Episode 4   VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip Reality …
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  First episode of the OCD project that aired on VH1. Frumtherapist.com does not in any way endorse the treatment methodology in this video or any other treatment methodology. When choosing treatment and treatment providers, please consult and speak with professionals, your doctors and other professional mental health referral sources. VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip Episode 2 Reality show of people suf …
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How do we teach our children how to keep themselves safe from adult predators in our midst? Are our schools teaching them what they need to know? Are parents teaching our youth what they need to know?     Does your child feel safe to approach you if their personal space is being invaded?     How do you know?     Parents and Educators: How do you teach the skills needed?     Most abusers are not what we pic …
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  In facilitating an historic program last year, New York Help Center in conjunction with Interborough Developmental and Consultation Center and NEFESH International was at the forefront of providing an abuse prevention program that involved the participation of many Yeshivas throughout New York. This program encompassed educating educators, parents as well as children with the skills children need to be safe from abuse. Well respected expe …
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John Walkup, MD is a wealth of knowledge, although these video seem to focus on Tourette Syndrome; the parenting skills that he professes apply, to the anxious child, a child with attention difficulties as well as children without any clinical diagnostic criteria. Tourette Syndrome: Sorting Out Complex Symptoms -1 Tourette Syndrome: Sorting Out Complex Symptoms - 2 Anger - 1 Anger - 2 Anger - 3 …
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  Video of Dr. Michael Jenike, world renowned expert in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), talking about OCD   …
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What to Expect When You Are Divorcing   Divorce isn't always the best solution but sometimes it is the only one. Before you decide to divorce, make sure that you have exhausted all other options. This article will touch on a few basic factors you should be aware of when going through the divorce process. When deciding whether or not to divorce, the question you should be asking yourself is, "Am I better off with this person or possibly alon …
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Depression in the Frum Community Pamela Siller MD Sara Esther awoke suddenly, but kept her eyes tightly closed. Her first thought was a prayer "please Hashem let it be morning". She slowly opened her eyes, and was dismayed to find that her room was still pitch black. The luminescent numbers on her bedside clock stubbornly read 4:03 AM. She flopped back down with a sigh. This was the eighteenth morning in a row that she had not been able to sleep …
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Pamela P. Siller, MD Your daughter is sick…she has a runny nose and a cough. At first you think it is only a cold, but you take her to her pediatrician anyway. He tells you that it is just a virus but it keeps getting worse. A blood test is ordered; it shows an infection, necessitating an antibiotic for seven days. This makes her feel better almost immediately. If only it were so easy when dealing with difficulties related to the mind. Th …
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by Fred Penzel, PhD
Over the years, I have written a number of articles about the treatment and acceptance of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. These are all very practical issues, to be sure, however, another practical issue I would like to inform you about has to do with getting your insurance company to cover the cost of treatment. If you are lucky enough to be able to pay for your treatment out-of-pocket, then this article will probably …
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By Ronen Hizami, MD As Printed in the Jewish Press Health Supplement of December 29, 2010 The phone call every parent dreads . "Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, we need you to come in to the school for a meeting about your Yanky." With trepidation, the parents arrive at the school. They are aware that Yanky has always been a happy and bouncy boy, but he never caused too much trouble at home or in the neighborhood. What could be happening with a second grad …
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By Dvorah Levy, LCSW As Printed in the Jewish Press Health Supplement of December 29, 2010 When a bride and groom stand under the chuppah during the traditional wedding ceremony, we refer to the new couple as "Reim Ahuvim," loving friends, and bless them that they should be truly happy. Couples join in marriage with ideals, blessings and joy, and then what happens? Too many times, joy turns into pain and conflict. The divorce rate in the Jewish …
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By Rabbi Chaim Steinmetz As Printed in the Jewish Press Health Supplement of December 29, 2010
Nineteen-year-old Nechoma has been in Israel for a year in Seminary. Nechoma is on her way home for a sister's wedding and to visit her family for Chanukah. On the whole, her time in seminary has been great. Nechoma has tried to make the best of all the new opportunities that the institution has to offer, while balancing academics and social l …
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By Milcah Harari, LMSW As Printed in the Jewish Press Health Supplement of December 29, 2010 "Time for bed, girls!" As Chani heard these words, she panicked: her heart started to race, her stomach churned, and a cold sweat began to form all over her body. It was nighttime, the part of the day she dreaded most, when she would lie awake consumed with worries. Chani desperately wanted to sleep, but she couldn't. She turned her head to the side, …
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Where did I put those keys? I completely forgot about that appointment I had! What was the name of that person I met last week? These experiences are common enough. But when is it time to worry? How do you know when these types of memory problems are the sign of something more serious? All people experience declines in their memory and in their ability to retrieve the correct word as they age. However, in some cases, declining memory can be the …
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By Pamela P. Siller, MD For as long as she could remember, Debbie felt different from her friends. On Shabbos, she always felt that her dresses were too short, or too long, or too casual, or too fancy. She tried very hard to fit in, but nothing seemed to work. The other kids didn't make fun of her…exactly. They just…talked, but Debbie understood what they meant. When she tried to discuss this with her parents, they shrugged it off. …
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HELPING YOUR CHILD DEAL WITH YOUR DIVORCE By Daniel Gottlieb, Psy.D. The child's voice is always the weakest. The child is never consulted regarding the parents decision and even were the parents to do so, in the overwhelming number of cases the child would express a preference that the parent not divorce. While this preference may not always dovetail with the child's best interests, it reflect he degree which the children value the stability of …
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The phone rings late motzei Shabbos. It is Zelda, Dovid's older cousin in Florida. "You've got to come quick Dovid! Your mother fell and broke her hip! She needs surgery, and she's gone crazy. I don't know what to do!" Dovid is beside himself. His mother, Myna, has been living independently in a retirement community in Florida for years. He immediately calls his sister Shayna in California who is a nurse. "What do we do?" asks Dovid. Shayna repl …
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Morris N. Mann, Ph.D. If you google parenting and self-esteem you will find there are close to 2 million results. It has become an accepted that the primary job of parenting is to build your child's self-esteem. A typical argument is put forward by http://www.EffectiveParenting.org, which came up number one on a Google search. It reads as follows: "Children learn their first lessons about self-esteem from their parents. If children feel good ab …
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By Faye Wilbur, LCSW Our community is remarkable. The amount of chesed (acts of kindness) done on any given day by different organizations comprised of wonderful individuals is unparalleled. We are there for each other in good times and bad times. If someone has given birth or is sitting shiva, the family need not be concerned about where their next meal is coming from. They can rest assured it will be delivered by family, friend or neighbor. Wi …
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Author: Binyamin Tepfer PhD, CSAT, CMAT

Chani had a pained and bewildered look in her eyes as she entered my office with her husband Josh. The reason for her distress, Chani explained, was her recent "discovery" of her husband's covert, sexually-related Internet activity, which is known as "online infidelity," and which has turned her life into a living nightmare. Chani was horrified and felt utterly betrayed by Josh's secret life on the Internet, which made her paranoid about her husband's every activity. She did not even trust him to go to work alone. The pain of her unbearable existence finally brought Chani to realize that it was too much for her to handle on her own, and that she needed to reach out for help.
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by Tina Kahn LMHC,LMFT Malka and Avi* are standing under the chuppah radianting with joy and hopes for the future. During their engagement, they felt a bond and an ease with one another. Years have passed and now they sadly wonder themselves, "Where did my best friend go?" " Why do we argue so much? Why do I feel so hurt and misunderstood? Why am I so lonely? How can I get my best friend back?" John and Julie Gottman, after many years of marriag …
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